thickneedle

2012-01-26T23:10:00.001+08:00

and another good read...

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/6-tips-work-life-balance-for-people-with-big-dreams-2/

2012-01-26T02:32:00.000+08:00

note to self:

embrace uncertainty.

http://www.hobomagazine.com/?q=node/70&page=0%2C1

2012-01-21T00:34:00.005+08:00

and when i see this " Eventually, we lost ourselves in the process, turning violently upon our own person, destroying our very selves in our desire to obliterate the imperfect bits. Embracing imperfection is still a near-impossible task for most of us. But it’s time we recognized that chasing the extraordinary is what almost killed us in the first place."

i should read this again some day.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/eating-disorders-and-the-fear-of-the-ordinary/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/how-to-trick-people-into-thinking-youre-not-a-mess/ esp the end of this

2011-12-08T23:03:00.002+08:00

every second you spend in anger, i spend in tears

2011-11-08T18:02:00.002+08:00

im actually really sad the sem is ending. down with 3 mods, and after this fri i will be done with 4.. sigh i really liked this sem, and accting days were 1 year ago. didnt realised time flew so quickly i still feel haunted by the thought of those days. and looking back in retrospect, i had a really good year (:

except that i've been neglecting running. gotta get back to it. :x

2011-11-05T18:23:00.002+08:00

at this rate...

i'll die early cos the world is too complicated for me. and im not adapting fast enough

2011-10-15T19:50:00.001+08:00

ahhh i'm floating in cloud 9~~~~ and i really don't wanna come downnnnn

it's such a lightheaded feeling and it makes me feel super happy though i should be doing my work now. workworkwork ok i'm coming back down soon :\

2011-10-02T02:23:00.006+08:00

dont compare dont compare dont compare DONT EVER FREAKING COMPARE WITH OTHERS

stick true to what you love, if you really love it the results will show.

was so tired just now.. now i cant freaking sleep. please dont let it happen again please dont please dont please dont things are supposed to be better now..

omg i really detest myself right now. I've actually been doing things against my own values and i.just.keep.doing.it. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

FOCUSSSSSSS DISCIPLINEEEEEEE, i realise now, everything that happened to me and my behaviour right now has a logical explanation.. and have i really proven myself weak? because i don't know how to work around it anymore.. i need a new approach. yes i want help because i dont want to go down this spiraling whirlpool anymore. it's like a bottomless pit.

2011-10-02T02:23:00.003+08:00

dont compare dont compare dont compare DONT EVER FREAKING COMPARE WITH OTHERS

stick true to what you love, if you really love it the results will show.

was so tired just now.. now i cant freaking sleep. please dont let it happen again please dont please dont please dont things are supposed to be better now..

omg i really detest myself right now. I've actually been doing things against my own values and i.just.keep.doing.it. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

2011-08-27T03:44:00.001+08:00

time to grow up, move on. and maybe stop holding too much on the past because they've already shaped me for that the person i am today.

time to accept and learn more new things.

time to get back in focus & be disciplined.

2011-08-10T19:04:00.000+08:00

looking forward :)

2011-07-29T01:35:00.001+08:00

Ok, the "what if"s aren't worth the space in my brain anymore. I can do this. confidence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111

2011-07-19T03:28:00.001+08:00

i'm always the one lagging behind.

2011-06-13T04:14:00.001+08:00

ohmygod is it me.. or is sep actually make feel more insecure about myself than i ever was.. no please dont bring those days back.. :(

2011-06-03T09:07:00.001+08:00

you know, when the right song comes on at such perfect timing (:

2011-05-27T01:18:00.001+08:00

time keeps flying but im stuck on a replay

2011-05-20T07:01:00.001+08:00

wah. i suck at being productive :(

2011-05-16T10:02:00.001+08:00

lol i just installed chrome nanny to restrict my access to facebook to 1hr a day. NICE im so proud of myself for admitting my addiction to fbk. hahaha. but must remove the setting when i wna upload photos :x heh

2011-05-16T08:30:00.001+08:00

2 days of doing nothing, feeling nothing,

time to get back up on my own 2 feet. no one can save me but myself. gogo get going gogogo time is not gonna always be on my side

2011-05-15T22:50:00.001+08:00

have you ever missed home so bad you just want to hug your family members so tight and never let them go

2011-05-15T07:38:00.002+08:00

need

someone

who

knows

right

now.

going nuts

and sick of this when i could be doing something so much better my thoughts are all so disorganised and all over the place

dnt want to think anymore :(
comfort food isnt very comforting anymore.. need to stop relying on them.

2011-05-14T09:19:00.003+08:00

today marks 3 months and 2 weeks in europe. my days are numbered :(

I have tasted belgian beer,
i have explored brussels with a friend ------------- WHO HAPPENED TO BE IN THE SAME YOUTH HOSTEL AS ME DURING MY FIRST 3 DAYS. HAHAHA only found out today. we were so shocked!!!!!!
AND WE WERE ONLY 2 DOORS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER LOL
and we revisted the place, now the trees have leaves and its so much warmer, and we were complaining about the same japanese group who were making alot of noise on my 2nd night.

HOW COOL IS THAT MANZ

and i explored the parks of brussels,

i've studied in the school library

i've sat on the school grass for picnic with my group mates on my last day of school (tuesday)

just one day of a new experience, is good enough. (:

ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I'VE BEEN STUDYING EVERYDAY. congratulate me pls.

this week has been so much more fulfilling than the rest.. took me 3 mths to finally get out of my retarded shell.

2011-05-11T10:35:00.002+08:00

exchange has done good for many of my friendships.

if anything, its made them stronger.

in ireland i ate a fortune cookie and it said ... well i think i better not say here. if not it will lose its power. haha. but it had a very apt statement about me and my friendships especially for this exchange period.

today was unproductive. but it was a happy day. people make me smile. :)

2011-05-09T08:56:00.003+08:00

and its about picking up the pieces... and starting over... moving on.

and with my clumsy nature, i have to pick up 100000 more pieces than the norm

its funny how my physical behaviour perfectly describes my mental behaviour.... but then again it isnt funny but logical.. afterall our physical actions express what goes on in our head..

and through all that shit...

:)?

2011-05-08T20:57:00.000+08:00

STOP.

WORRYING.

2011-05-08T08:08:00.003+08:00

sigh why are my feelings so erratic..

one minute i'm really happy, because things turned out for the better

next minute i feel like the shittiest piece of shit in this world i cant help but feel awful cos i dont know how to make it better.. when it could've been. its such a headache.

oh man, whats happened to me.. im losing the positivity..

2011-04-30T04:42:00.003+08:00

today things took a turn for the better.

i guess i was just overwhelmed i got nuts and worried over nothing. :)

im starting a new! today i had my first long conversation with a local student on skype. hehe. :) and had my first presentation with a friggin zhao xia voice. zzz

2011-04-29T03:48:00.003+08:00

i skyped my parents today!!!!

started out in tears, cos i was very overwhelmed and shocked i got confused with the expenses that i overshot by so much..

and then i felt happy. to hear my dad scold me, tell me off what was the right thing to do. and hear my parents voices again. :') and i never realised how much it meant for me to hear them say everything's gonna be okay. cos they'll be there to save the day. :')

srsly what have i been doing the past 3 months man. enough thinking more doing! dododo! happy thoughts come onz

2011-04-27T03:31:00.005+08:00

i miss home terribly now :'((((

20 days of travelling nonstop ireland france and italy.
i swear i was dreaming in ireland. i couldnt bear to leave :( :( :( :( I LOVED it so much. if only i had the closest people there with me :( but nonetheless i caught up with a good friend and i was surrounded by englishspeaking ppl all over again. haha

and italy wah spam gelato pasta pizza zomg and drank so little water. ive finished so many bottles of water within the past 12 hrs and its still yellow :\ not even faint yellow! :\ gosh. all this not drinking water habits during travelling cos im scared of paying for toilets -.-

now i feel ignored and invisible. its worse than being alone. :( i cant put a smile on my face no more. its hard trying to rmb who i am when being oppressed. agh must go run soon and spend more time studying so that it wont be so depressing.

need a friend right now. :\

i missed a cousin's wedding. where cousins from canada msian australia came together (some of whom i havent seen since forever)
i missed one of my best friend's 21st birthday
of course, missing out on cross stuff. as usual.
and missing home terribly. i thought i was prepared for this...

2011-04-04T03:17:00.003+08:00

i still havent watch my cartoon yet. was studying the whole day -.-"and im still not done :\

phrase for the day: Smiling Helps. :)

on another totally different note, today there was a blackout for 1hour. i never felt so efficient studying before. it jus t shows how distracting the internet can be. and in that short span of time i got to know meet my neighbours (for the first time) who were affected by the blackout too! hahaha. imagine so many things i could do with the outside world if i wasnt so glued to the comp.

new revelation. or maybe just to refresh my memory. i came here to explore a new world and not spend as much time as i can to stay in touch with whats going on at home.

im going to ikea to invest in a 5 euro weighing machine. HEHEHEHEHHEHE. lol

2011-04-02T03:17:00.000+08:00

i know why ive been feeling so sad lately................

COS I HAVENT BEEN WATCHING CARTOONS! ;) hehheh

2011-03-30T20:39:00.002+08:00

whoa

good:

i thought i lost my cardholder today. i was almost like an erupting volcano inside my head. on the way to school i could alr vision myself calling home and receiving @#$%^&* over the phone..

why good? because i went back to the library to realise kind samaritan and had passed it to the lost and found in the library. i felt so relieved. belgians in school arent that bad (:

After my group meeting today, i had lunch with 3 korean girls. and i really like them!

and at the bakery shop the woman gave me a personal discount!

Bad:

the biscuit wasnt that nice

i had planned to run today. but cos of my lunch. which was quite ex and made me damn full.

i feel damn fat.

my face looks damn fat.

i need to find balance in my eating habits. i don't feel happy when i feel fat. other than that, i enjoyed the company, the food, the kind souls, and generally everything else.

2011-03-21T05:42:00.002+08:00

whoa gosh i need to do more constructive things

2011-03-17T07:53:00.009+08:00

yup im sharing a song such as this. and i only discovered it today. hope this phase will seriously gotten over and done with. enough talk and more action from me

What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send out a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Lea Michele - Get It Right.

Glee Ftw.

2011-03-17T07:00:00.005+08:00

I miss my piano...

i think i've let this front i put up take over me. im still not as happy as i claim to be omg have i been lying to myself?

bleagh just another typical night. i feel depressed again once more. i need running back in my life. its all in the mind i can do this. i need some discipline back. some willpower. i know its still in me somewhere.. i just cant find it.................. :(

2011-03-11T20:05:00.001+08:00

:( :( :( :( :( pls let this be just a phaseeee.

2011-03-10T08:25:00.003+08:00

OMG. i should have studied today but i went on a movie spree. i just watched letters to juliet online and tearedddddddd. i would SO LOVE to watch it again and fall in love with europe gosh, its so pretty and i have yet to explore these places. i feel even more motivated to save up for these trips now, and im not gonna let anyone bring me down. oh ya, i also watched When in Rome just before that. How can i not love italy now. hehehehehhe i just spent a bomb for my transport in italy T_T

I've just came back from london, pretty, lovely, sunnier, and more hapz i guess. but it has its lovely parts. I wish i spent more time there though, but im grateful enough to have even seen this much.

2011-03-02T07:15:00.006+08:00

well, should be studying.. but since im in the mood hehe...

when i left, everything was overwhelming. i was stressed about packing. and on my final day i had a mix of 1000 feelings, excitement, scared, etc. and im actually listening to my friend's music thats quite suitable for everything im gna type now. haha

saying goodbye, was really fast. maybe cos i was anticipating it somuch when it happened it happened so fast. i cried the most just saying bye to my dad. i dont know why. even when i called him to say my plane was flying off, the moment he picked up the phone, all the tears rushed to my eyes. even to the crossers, i didnt cry at all when i was saying goodbye... until i saw that photo album/book. im in love with my team. truly in love. ANYWAY. i only have 4.5 months left AHH SO FAST.

since then, well at first we cldnt wait to get internet and update home about stuff going on in the youth hostel..
then we settled in
bought alot of food, groceries, snacks, im getting fat.. i want to run. need to run. my cheeks are getting real chubby in my photos haha. well at least i got bigger incentive to curb my spending now :) i have a tummy that wont be seen in my clothes till summer zomg. but well i cant wait to get back to running regularly again cos i miss it so much. im excited for spring to come --> more running & more flowers! ultimate beauty!!! ^^

other than that, for a first month, i've really spent alot. school has been both interesting and boring. but more on the interesting side cos the way they teach is really different. and i especially like what im learning in one of my mods which is a GEM. and today i couldnt pay attention cos some pok was passing notes to the girl beside me and the people around me kept whispering among themselves i dont think they actually realised their impact on me.

on 12 feb, i met an old lady on the way back from brugge. (yes brugge was pretty yada yada but the highlight of my trip was actually on the way back). i met an old lady. a cute old lady with a cute hat. her name is maryann. not sure about spelling actually. but her eye looked like the skin got some rash or something, if i were younger i would be freaked out by it. but i guess as i got older, these little things didnt scare me anymore. she was so friendly to me. and she tried really hard to converse in english i found it so adorable. and well we asked each other questions about our own lives what were we doing where are we heading to and well, cos she wasnt fluent in english, and (i had no clue about french AT ALL) so most of the time we conversed, we didnt talk alot in that hour cos we struggled to convey our points across, but it didnt stop us. :) and well with the help of pen and paper i made a new/cute friend who was 4 times my age.. :) I have a thing for cute old europeans. including couples. everytime i see one it always makes me wna go AWWW.

YES i've ONLY be goone for one month. it feels pretty long? not so.. and my trip to stockholm was awesome. the night before i tried to slp early but couldnt. so i read the wall street newspaper to sleep -.- and at the same time i was DAMN worried i would miss my alarm cos it would mean cancelling everything my friend planned out and blablablabla. i actually managed to wake upat 450+am before my alarm at 5!! i was abit scared to go there on my own cos of the story i heard from my friend. but nvm i couldnt believe it i was gna board ryanair! the cheapest plane everyone talks about and that was also recently discussed on in class. the moment my plane went below the clouds all i could do was just smile and smile to myself and i couldnt wait to build my first snowman! and i even kissed a lovely horse/pony whose name i forgot because it was so hard to pronounce! all i know is that it starts with m. i met up with 2 friends there who really took great care of me. it really touched my heart deepdeep because they both didnt really know each other but they made an effort to get to know each other for my sake and everything was fun. i was the happiest girl alive. despite getting fat with awesome food. going back was nuts though. my transport involved a bus, metro, shutte bus, plane, shuttle bus, tram. (i mean of course, going there was NO DIFFERENT) of which i missed my stop for the tram and had to walk back one stop cos i fell aslp on the tram. from 245am to 11am. nice.
anw, next im going london luxembourg and prague!! whoot. excited :) and i also need to curb my spending. i realised my rent accounted for almost half my expenses. and my easter break is crazy! but sounds damn tiring. but im already excited. and scared and i hope i can cope with school at the same time!

i miss music. thank goodness i can still watch glee here. their songs never fail to put a smile on my face. i could listen to them over and over again.. it should be the only close-to-home habit i should have. should spend less time on fbk and msn.

today, i found out smth about people. which upset me really much.
what do i expect to get out of exchange?
an eyeopening & jawdropping experience. be it learning about the culture here, trying to adapt, dealing with all sorts of idiots, and truly, learn. and do things i have NEVER ever /can NEVER do at home. and the best part, is probably me time to myself when i get to run in belgium. even if my fingers are numb my cheeks are red. it was AWESOMEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i dont feel too scared anymore, but ofcourse im always on my guard. not like at home i wont give a shit sometimes and anyhow do some things but yeah safety is important. and i dont even go out at night. cos its always extra cold and unsafe. i think i have to start going my own way instead of always conforming to other people's needs. i cant ALWAYS not be myself just to give in to others.

2011-02-24T09:08:00.003+08:00

its almost a month,

i must remind myself that when i come home, the only thing i want to do is just focus on running and spending more time with my family (other than studying). and remember that there are so much more of other things that are more deserving of my time...
time is so precious.
and im as of now, i hope, and pray that everything at home will be safe. including my grandma. i dont know why i miss my dad very badly, and theres also a sense of guilt that i wish i spent more time with my parents.
i hope i can come back healthy in one piece too!
and spend the rest of my uni life well. when i get home, i want to make use of the time i can to spend with my family. I MUST make time for family.

im going for my first trip out of europe alone. and im scared, excited and well just hoping for the best while being prepared for the worst.. but so many people can do it on their own. that means so can i!

on a side note, i think insomnia is back. but im quite deprived of slp. its only 3rd wk of school and i was falling aslp in almost ALL my lessons. pok

2011-01-17T18:23:00.002+08:00

i
want
to
spend
more
time
at
home.

on a side note, these few days have been really happy :)

2011-01-08T04:46:00.003+08:00

OMG FREAK I WANT MY ME TIME HELLO!!!!! MY NEXT FREE DAY TO MYSELF IS THURSDAY SHIT! and my last free day was ytd. in fact, it was only half-free GGXZX how to learn french and how to cook and do my laundry at this rate :'(

2011-01-03T13:16:00.004+08:00

on the 1st of jan,
i slept at 10pm.
my junior stayed over

woke up at 630am to run to macritchie and did another 8km
havent taken initiative to do such extra long runs if it werent for her, and its been such a long time since i did something as fun as this in relation to running. i am happy :)

whoo. what a great way to start the new year :)

random thought of today: my dad is a really good man.

new year resolution:
- get my life in order/ more organised/ disciplined.
- be happier with myself (this encompasses alot of things)
- love others more

2010-12-21T12:42:00.000+08:00

omg i suck la. enough said.

2010-12-13T05:05:00.003+08:00

nothing new,
cant slp again

but i havent given up on myself yet.

shall attempt to try to discipline myself to slp.
i think thats what ive been lacking these few days..

i got a very huge urge to run.

need to find balance between discipline and doing what i want. so that i can be more satisfied with myself. i know i can

2010-12-12T04:42:00.003+08:00

the greatness of disney,

i just had a ... 6 hours dose of disney videos. and the feelings all back again
it just makes me so happy.
partly cos its so magical
and just never fails to put a smile on my face.

seriously, doesnt matter at all how old one is to watch a video done by them

its just A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

2010-12-11T03:23:00.002+08:00

my slp is so so so screwed,
its the hols im tired and when i happily allowed myself to go to bed
i couldnt slp again

why
why
why is it so bad now
i thought everything would be ok once the hols started.. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

im scared
im insecure
but i need some change.
and i need to get these thoughts out of my head so that i can sleep!! :(

2010-12-09T01:10:00.002+08:00

I did something realy stupid today.
i feel terrible for being so dumb. ):
i have so many mistakes to learn from,

2010-12-05T19:24:00.002+08:00

!!! i realise i totally forgot to add one more thing to my prev post

I LOVE DEBITING MY SLP DEBT

2010-12-04T02:57:00.001+08:00

just gotta love the holidays...

music,
nua,
catching up
friends
gng back home

HAPPY LIKE MAD.

2010-11-28T02:12:00.003+08:00

today, is just one of those days, it sucks to be a girl.

or its just so bad i cant even be grateful that i still have 2 legs that let me walk/run, a fan that works, and the option to plan my own time.

but i guess after the day's gone, ive gotten used to the pain today. it was never really this bad. aiyah. study!! less than 7 days left! (:

2010-11-25T20:37:00.002+08:00

omgad. will the exams hurry start so that it can end alr!!. first paper tmr! and ppl have ended alr :\

2010-11-18T01:46:00.002+08:00

OMG I FEEL SO OUTDATED WITH THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. i just learnt that HP 7th movie is out already :( :( :( and i didnt even know it was coming!! or see its adverts!! --> didnt have time to feel excited and look forward to watching it. ok i shall feel that now till exams end and i will also wna watch rapunzel hehe.

i think things have been alot better now... ive lowered expectations of myself. and met more expectations of myself too. but yeah things have been better. still not that great but im grateful enough. thank goodness. study study study 8) cant wait for 2nd Dec :)

2010-11-12T03:46:00.001+08:00

because of curiousity, simple things become complicated.

if only i could be more ignorant :(

2010-11-11T04:36:00.003+08:00

sigh even when im direct and straight to the point, im misunderstood. some people understand though. life is fair. i cant please everyone. and not everyone can please me either. works both ways. the world is balanced. i'm still misunderstood by some.

2010-11-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

note to self im 20 this year stop being such a baby i never cried so much in a semester before. probably even more than i ever did in primary 1.

2010-11-05T09:13:00.002+08:00

im a disappointment.
and i dont know why i let myself become one.
my actions seem to be telling me that i've given up fighting eventhough i shouldnt.
its like im not even putting my heart into anything im doing now.

2010-11-04T20:08:00.001+08:00

im looking for some good specific advice

2010-10-31T23:14:00.003+08:00

it irritates me when i do badly and people just ask me to study harder.

i dont know what you mean by study harder cos i dont know how to study any harder.

i think i just dont know how to answer...

hence i shall do something.

2010-10-31T16:25:00.001+08:00

i am grateful

i have to be ok
i have to.

2010-10-27T23:58:00.002+08:00

sigh the sem is almost ending and i realise i spent almost the whole sem worrying over SO many different issues,

every week with at least 1-2 days of insomnia, and some with 5.

and feeling like im suffering with these 3 grp projs. cant wait to get them over and done with. and once theyre done, not enough time to study. so how? start studying now. but no time. sigh. ugh. everyday this week is spent on 3 diff grp projs that are due next wed, thurs and monday after that. i know im not alone.. but its just annoying. i hope i can find days to study next week. :(

and im becoming very half-hearted. its just a tough time right now right? i hope its only temporary. ):

2010-10-27T03:40:00.004+08:00

omg stop worrying please. let everything be ok plsplsplspllspslpsplspsplplsplsplsplsplplss cannot give up on myself. cannot give up omg my mental is weakening whywhywhywhywhy . i dont like this atmosphere BREATHE!

2010-10-26T03:03:00.000+08:00

hi note to self worrying is a waste of time bye

2010-10-24T11:46:00.005+08:00

hehheh
i like being at home with my grandmother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like being at home with nikki!!!!!!!!
i like being able to see my parents at home.

i am truly grateful today~~~~~~~~~.
i am grateful for finally being able to slp 12hours 2 nights ago. i feel like i can see things so much clearly now haha sigh. i think my cheeks v fat though, person said i look sad and i think its the effect of my fat cheeks on my expressionless face. :S

whatever. i am still gratefull whoohoo. i love macritchie too. im gng to see tiff later too. yay.

2010-10-19T02:54:00.001+08:00

i am a poor listener.

2010-10-15T22:10:00.003+08:00

sigh another disappointment after another. i know im so much better than this but im just letting accumulate like it's no biggy. the only big deal is my feelings. it says otherwise. but everything else is fine. everyone is fine.
but then, things are different now, should stop living in the past. today is today is today.

2010-10-14T01:57:00.001+08:00

caring hurts. caring is annoying.

2010-10-11T00:07:00.002+08:00

i've transited from being disciplined. to completely no discipline at all after so many years.

its like the same reasons/sources of motivation dont work on me already, im sick and tired and almost just living for the sake of living. but i should be grateful, for not everyone has the joys of life which i have right now. and for some stupid reason i let my discipline screw me upside down. and yet this reason still isnt enough to drive me

2010-10-04T19:15:00.005+08:00

last wknd (aka the past 2 days) was the first time i had be sooo productive staying in hall to study, and furthermore, 95% of the studying was done in my room. whoo.

and, on sat night i had a desperate urge to run, probably cos i didnt run on fri, and i couldnt find anyone to run w me, but my urge to run overcame my fear of running alone, and soooooooo

for the first time,
i ran alone around school.

oh it was good. but it kept me awake till 8am -.-" screwed my bio clock after that. and almost woke up too late for my midterm today. thank god i woke up on time from that nap.

and last night i couldnt slp, not cos i was worrying, not crying, but feeling so grateful for 1000 things in my uni life,
yes i will miss hall
i will miss running around school
and this weekend, i feel like a different person.
yes i still have the same nonsense to finish but it suddenly doesnt worry me as much as it used to..

i think it has to do w overcome my fear of running alone i gave myself what i needed, i needed a self-run to make me happy. and i just had a 2nd self run today. feels liberating eventhough in the beginning i swear i could have just fallen aslp on the floor outside immediately if i wanted to.

or maybe i feel different cos now, i think theres more order in my life. for the first time this sem i actually followed through my timetable i set out for myself.
even if things may worsen again tmr or whatever,
right now, right here, i feel happy, grateful and good.

thank you for everything. for my friends from all sorts of backgrounds (even if we werent close or etc), especially xcountry. i think it was the best decision in my life joining it in sec 1.

2010-10-01T20:58:00.002+08:00

its so hard to keep gng when i dont see the results of my effort,

then again, it shouldnt be about results. but it gets to me so badly. :\

2010-09-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAHA,
HAHA,
HAHAHA,

Life.

2010-09-24T06:16:00.001+08:00

today's cos of something muchmore seldom than the usual,

crying because of someone i care about. stop crying lah.

2010-09-22T03:06:00.005+08:00

no i didnt waste today at all
woke up at 1230
group meeting which lasted for like 4-5hours
training
update admin matters
update our slides ppt.

3am and i am intending to start on what i had planned to do on 21 sept
nice joke :(

when will i ever stop complaining of being tired during this sem :(

i miss so many things (& people) right now. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

i need to be positive.

2010-09-20T20:14:00.000+08:00

i cannot give up on myself (:

2010-09-14T04:29:00.003+08:00

OMG. please give me a peace of mind. pleaseeeeeee.i dont know what im worrying about anymore?! why cant i sleep. 8th night in 9 nights. of which the only night i slept with ease was after a night with 0hours of sleep. this is getting really really really bad!! :(

2010-09-14T02:41:00.003+08:00

i slept 4 hours but its ok.
my finance quiz was at 10. i woke up at 10. but its ok, we went for the 11am slot.
i didnt nap
im done w my work for today (but i dont think i did it well cos im not confident of my answers) but nonetheless, im satisfied w the work i've done today

and i even squeezed in a 30min run w a friend i havent ran with since last sem.

and im confident i will slp well tonight. no insomnia.

finally, a good day.

2010-09-10T03:36:00.002+08:00

haha now i know why i was so emo.

im still as screwed. but i feel better cos. hahahaha hahahahahahha

nvm

anyway i found out whats wrong with me

i need to find new reasons to drive myself now. what used to drive me isnt working anymore. thats why. everything just seems. off.

2010-09-09T00:32:00.001+08:00

O
M
G

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

2010-09-08T04:22:00.006+08:00

i couldnt sleep for about 3 hours last night, ended up slping 4+ hours only, and i didnt nap today.

i went to bed at 0115. thinking YAY, i can sleep for 9+ hrs for the first time in weeks.

0345 i got up and used the lappy cos i couldnt sleep again. sigh

and then i stumbled upon my friend's findings regarding sleep deprivation and how it can spur mental illness. haha gosh i've been insomniac since sec 4? j1? i dont remember anymore, maybe my past blog posts will say so. my first trouble sleeping was when i was primary 4. i went to bed at 1030 but i was still awake at 4am. that was the first time i ever slept so late.
oh well, probably explains my retarded mental problem from training today.

why am i constantly so disappointed with myself?

on nights when i got desperate, i would think of this white space, blank white space. and somehow just having it in the mind for a few min actually made me sleepy.

HAHA BEST. now i cant even envision a blank white space. things keep popping up in my mind. do i have that much difficulty focusing now.
my life's so hectic, i cant keep track of what i read, i cant keep track of my daily happenings, i cant rmb entirely what i learn for a day eventhough i understand.

but i can totally rmb every moment i spend with the people i love.

im contemplating seeing the UHC doctor regarding my sleep habits. i swear even if i dont spend as much time with my hall friends, i seriously dont want them to ever think i take them for granted. i really am truly grateful for them. one of them has been emphasising the importance of sleep to me since sem 1 and she hasnt given up telling me off. i am so thankful for her. i hope the doctor takes me seriously.

another 3 more things to be grateful for:
1) currently dont need to do ALOT of stuff for cross
2) the friends who randomly decided to come talk to me for a while today
3) i actually am on track with whats going on in class. hooray. but not 100% understood of everything i've learnt so far. :/

2010-09-04T19:50:00.002+08:00

whoa

slept like mad the past 48 hours

come home and im glued to the piano for 2.5hours.

hahaa i love watching cartoons, it reminds me of the little important things in life that make me feel better. i feel so much happier now. :)

2010-08-30T04:20:00.003+08:00

BEEN LYING IN BED THE PAST 3 HOURS

WHAT A WAY TO START MY WEEK OMG THIS SUCKS i went to bed thinking i could get 8 hours of slp tonight. now it has been reduced to 5.

nice.

the likelihood of my falling aslp in class AGAIN is so much higher now. and to think i was falling aslp during my group meeting just now. omg help

2010-08-29T03:31:00.013+08:00

im tired of complaining. :(

but i still will, anyway.

theres so much waiting for me to be done now. all this back log from first 2 weeks of school. caught up with 1mod last week and 2 this week. but still got 2 mods to catch up with from the very beginning and ahh week 4 is gna start already. maybe i should spend next wknd studying in school. ): its so tempting. and i have another bizcomm GROUP letter writing due on week 5.

i cant wait for wednesday to be over. i will feel so much more relieved after the 2 presentations. and i wish i didnt have to have special dinners on thurs and fri. i want to do work :( omg i just realised i have a meeting on thurs evening. no more special dinner. AHH IM VERY UPSET I HAD A BAD START TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!! really hope this doesnt carry on for the rest of the sem. it will be seriously damn stupid. i dont want to just spend the whole sem only looking forward to the end of it so that i can go belgium. i want this to be a good sem. i really dont want to make myself stressed any further - and the only way to deal with that is to get my backlog done ASAP. (which will only be after i finish the stuff due this mon tue & wed.) ugh

i dont like feeling like this - i know im not the only one in this state but it seems that others arent as bothered as me. its eating into my thoughts EVERYDAY. i cant relax without thinking about this. but im so sleep-deprived. i want to manage my life better. i told myself to slp by 2am today but its 4 now. i was hoping for 12hours of slp. but i have group meeting in school 330pm on a sunday.

please let everything be ok by the end of this week pleaseeeeee i need a more positive attitude ): i dno why being thankful for my family, friends, jokers, beekers, teammates, doesnt seem like enough. i just cant settle until ive caught up w my work. nothing else really matters as much and i shouldnt be thinking like this.

on a side note,
some time this week my freshie bought me a badge cos she thought "i am all kinds of awesome" . my jokers touch my heart really deeply everytime i meet them in school. theyre always so sweet!

i love coming home. when i came home today,
- i played with my pretty nikki, she was so awesome but i felt guilty for not giving her enough attention :(,
- as i played the piano, she sat below me.
- as i played the piano, my dad started singing
- i went back to acjc today and was allocated a table which, OF ALL THINGS, had my chinese name written on it with liquid paper. :O shocking i know! i was so fascinated! my past came back to haunt me hurhur - i think it was during one of the stayover nights someone wrote my chinese name. it was probably written within the past 4 years now that i think about it. it wasnt written by me because 1) im a guai girl i dont vandalise school property. 2) i can never write my chinese name so thinly with liquid paper on a table. i dont want to grow up ): the difficulties in life dont stay the same, they just get worse, harder, and leave me feeling more negative than ever. i swear i've never cried so often in my life just lying in bed trying to sleep.

2010-08-22T02:37:00.005+08:00

the past year has been really fulfilling,
well since a levels ended
i experienced
1) working as a waitress in sakuraya
2) kessie's passing.
3) secc 0910 FOC, Tri-Uni
4) shrag dance 0910
5) uni/hall life, 5 core mods for the 3rd sem now.
6) ibg, ifg, buaya week, sndc, sh dnd
7) ihg
8) nus xcountry: 20x200m, datuk, christmas party, birthday celebrations, 2minhard 1 min easy, slopes, mac ritchie, redang, ninja warriors, chalet, camp, etc.
9) summit
10) KL with block b
11) brag
12) and the occasional, once in a while i-miss-my-friends-outside-nus emo moments. they happen quite often really. i dont know if they know it but, yes i miss them, and think about them more often than they know. and when i see them, my day lights up so brightly i give 1000watt smiles.
13) and another occasional, lying on my bed during insomniac nights reproaching myself again and again, cos i feel i have not really done/achieved anything great that could be proven in tangible terms for a very very very long time. in fact i feel more irresponsible in uni now.
eventhough others encourage me, say ive been doing great, and (i think) they dont really think theres anything wrong with me, my self-confidence is going really really low. and sometimes, especially as of late, i end up crying cos i reproach myself SO often.

12) & 13) have been affecting me the most recenty, its not the beginning of school already. it's gna be week 3 and i really dont know how to plan my time if i need to keep up with school work. i feel really stressed and i havent even started on week 3?! i wish i could say this is a joke, but i dont even feel as driven to study. omg. i know im definitely gna study this week, just dno how to plan my time now... i need more than just 5 days a week. and i intend to use tmr to spend it w my family before i go on my crazy mode.
so... now, i just hope i survive through this well, and it'll be time for belgium.

12 years of school in a uniform with lessons, hwk, exams, teachers, fixed school holidays, 4 terms
1+ year of uni life - the change is overwhelming.
and the constant? my family, & running (since 2003)

thank you running. even if im not that good. running has helped me pull through so far. and possibly the friends i've made too. without them i think i would have turned psychotic a long time ago.
for the times i wanted to give up earlier than everyone else, but i just tolerated the pain all the way, like today's run. thank you for helping me to pull through. ------------- and there's the issue about when tolerance isn't enough. because there's no passion or initiative involved but a mindset of just trying to get this over and done with. hence my results dont come out so well. sigh another day la.

2010-08-21T00:43:00.001+08:00

suddenly its like i lost so much positivity in one day. get me out of here please i really don't like reproaching myself again and again and again.

2010-07-04T19:25:00.000+08:00

thank god for people who care about me to keep me sane. i am truly grateful.

2010-06-19T01:58:00.002+08:00

i realised something,
when the people i look up to behave non-ideally,
i suddenly feel very lost.
i never thought i really needed these kind of people i look up to to really keep me going. i always thought i was my own person whose personality was more or less defined by a mix of all the people close to me.

i did it again at training today.
i dont know what i expect out of myself seriously.

6.5 years since i first trained in CCAB. im still stuck like this. i suck.
this week has been disgusting and stressful. i have trouble sleeping again. but i get to watch steven gerrard play now! hooray. for now.

2010-06-13T22:35:00.003+08:00

so life has been going on pretty good recently.. sort of.

very fulfilling despite not having enough time for myself. i couldnt help but find myself on cloud 9 for quite a number of days, and i dont know was it just paranoia, my faith, or what.

but i was afraid too much joy would have to be balanced by a moment of negativity.. which hadn't hit me yet, or has been hitting me too many times before i found myself on cloud 9. but even more recently, i feel that i've gotten hit bad. my life kinda sucks. i suck big time. i try to make it better by giving myself encouragement, which sometimes i know, i feel, that's just not enough. i will just have t o make do.

the problem's always with me. not you, nor him, nor her, nor them.
e.g. maybe i just dont have enough sleep right now, that time of the month is coming, maybe after i wake up tmr i will feel life has been treating me well again once more. its just another of those days again, it'll pass. again.

2010-05-21T12:08:00.002+08:00

so 1 year in uni.

i have learnt alot of things..
and found out that. i dont know a whole lot more of things.

im so eggcited for belgium :D i just hope i dont become a blob after i get there :\

anyhoo. as of today i am defined by:
- disney
- running
- my friends
- my family

and what makes me happy? (which i personally is a very impt aspect to feeling good about myself and more satisfied with my life)
helping people i care about makes me happy.

but sometimes i put my deadlines as higher priority --> end up not being so happy. hurhur.

nehmind. today i was really happy and contented.
and then someone i cared about told me something that made me feel sad for her :( and i wasnt sure what i could do. or say. to make the situation better for her.

2010-03-10T03:49:00.004+08:00

the 7th of march was a day when, alot of feelings i have felt in different phases of my life, were felt in one day.

i have been receiving displays of kindness toward me, life has been good to me.
thank you so much. these people are awesome, and so is running.

tmr, i am going to perform in a way that i have never done in my entire life. yup its not a dance. its a small thing, its free, but in my heart its big.

2010-01-08T04:40:00.005+08:00

things i've done this hols, before i forget how awesome it was.

since exams ended:
(somehow from the 3rd to 13th i couldnt stop slping & waking up early with average 10hrs of slp everyday)
3rd dec: pasta mania with alum A after mno
4th dec: pack room in hall, kbox with block b run with charmain, move out
5th dec: i watched a christmas carol with dajie it was nice :)
6th dec: stand chart and nua at home for 2 days
8th dec: ihg training i think.
9th dec: orchard with jasmine! shocked to see the new renovations and enter ion!!
10th dec: ice skating with small farts
11th dec: ihg trg + cross circuit trg.
13th dec: shopped abit with dajie & meet up with brenda! PRINCESS AND THE FROG ZOMG AWESOME. I JUST GOT THE SOUNDTRACK ABOUT 24HOURS AGO
16th dec: lunch with jowell&vincent, AlumA bbq
17th dec: woke up REALLY late, & papa's 60th bday dinner which felt very heartwarming seeing my relatives gather tgt like that.
18th dec: ihg trg + cross circuit trg. met andrea&titi and I GOT MY DISNEY SONGS BACK :D
19th dec: dont rmb =X probably had an awesome nua-ing session at home i hope, stayed over in queens, sent dajie off on 20th morning instead of going training cos i couldnt slp the whole night.
20th dec: ocs commissioning ball
21st dec: shopping with erjie, and hall christmas party
22nd dec: results ): shopping with poons, bought shoes for myself =X
23rd dec: jb with jowell, vincent and his lovely AWESOME dogs im seriously in love with them. esp mr manja.
24th dec: christmas party at home, stayed over at poon's
25th dec: christmas with lilin&jasmine, skyped yihui at midnight!
26th dec: xcountry christmas party
27th dec: shopping with xcountry @ imm and packing for datuk
28-29th dec: GUNUNG DATUK!
30th dec: meet xcountry wash tent. watched alvin&thechipmunks squeaquel.
31st dec: training at ccab, lunch at adam, came home nap, met crossers at chijmes, countdown with jasmine&dicky, stayed over at jasmine's

1st jan: i think i slept the whole day and woke up at 6. read ahem.

2nd jan: i dont rmb? attempted to pack my room at home.

3rd jan: 1ST RUN OF THE YR: RUN AT MACRITCHIE WHOOT. awesomez. then went home nap and attempted to pack my room again

4th jan: went all the way to school for a 20min meeting -.- met my cousins from my father's side whom i havent seen in YEARS. came home pack roommm like nuts zomg. my side is alot neater now :)

5th jan: saw the maid off :( really sad about it. really. my words arent enough to express how sad im still feeling about it now. cut hair, nap, went out with brenda to orchard, training at ccab, slopes. then dinner at mad jack's. slept 13 hours that night.

6th jan: supposed to move back to hall but didnt, i went to bugis with erjie, and then we went hortpark to run to henderson wave to mount faber and back. haha it was quite fun. i really tried to take it easy. yup. dinner at the hawker centre opp harbour front, im seah? couldnt slp that night. i watched wild child, and stayed up till 8am on 7jan

7th jan: today, i woke up at 330pm rushed to school, managed to code my card just in time phew! had ihg training and 4 girls came today so im really happy :) and i cleaned my room like mad :D and. here i am. i have cross training tmr. and hopefully i can buy my calendar.

yup this is how much these hols mean to me. thankfully i've managed to rmb bits of almost everysingle day of it. anyhow, i also managed to catch up with tiff, disneychannel, and basically the tv, enjoy my lovely bed & darling nikki @ home, time with the piano, squeeze some time in to watch shows online and worry about exchange.

and my new addiction: soybean w pearls from mr bean. luckily i only discovered it recently cos im going to be moving back to hall on sunday.

i have about 3 days left to school starts, i really need to get down to doing good research for my unis in europe. and moving back to hall ahhhhhh. and i just realised i have tuesday and friday free cos no tutorials first 2 weeks! :D

2010-01-07T05:00:00.003+08:00

here i am, blogging once more. again.

ive been seeing nus cross very frequently now, and im starting to love cross again, partly cos of the team. cross played such a huge role in my life, how my teammates shaped my character and all esp in mgs. in jc, it sorta became stagnant and the frequent injuries made me feel more irritated with running instead of loving it. i get to train my 8+4 again. my unfinished business since 4 years ago, maybe one day i will do 60min. maybe. i dont know whether i can still be as dedicated after all the commitments i put myself in for this sem.

i managed to pack most of my room the other day and i found 2 years worth of log books from 2004-2006. i recorded EVERY SINGLE bit of training, every make up run i did - including the routes. my RPE. rest time, details of strengthening etc. EVERYTHING. gosh. and i couldnt believe how disciplined and "fast" i used to be and my teammates were still faster and i'd get very demoralised even if i was supposedly the most consistent pok. sigh!

anyhoo, hopefully this sem, i can up my dedication for cross, but if i can't cope with studies AND IHG TRAINING ZOMG, i probably wont be too dedicated ): and i also hope to up my CAP omg srsly it needs alot of improvement, up my hardworking-ness, down my blurness+absent-mindedness gosh. and research on exchange sigh.sigh.sigh. so stressful i dont know how to map my modules. and i really am not sure where i wanna go still despite erjie's advice on helping me shortlist. poopz. i want a mentor on my life.

looking at my past entries, i really blog alot about running. i think i am crazy. i dont know whether i take running seriously or not. in fact i'm stlil being very stubborn about changing my running style though i know i should. sighsighsighsighsigh i am a nuisance to myself. i still havent bought a calendar cos im so frigging fickle. SIGH! i shall stop sighing and go to bed. i dont know why im awake now because i actually slept at 12+am lastnight.

new year resolutions:
- try to wake up early everyday because of morning lessons (except saturday off from week 1 to week 8)
- be more disciplined
- find more meaning with my life and stop feeling like sighing.
- up my cap.
- CUT DOWN MY TIME ON FBK.

2010-01-03T19:35:00.002+08:00

i've had this account for FIVE YEARS, and havent touched it for 6 months or so... i thought i'd really stop blogging but i dont know why i suddenly felt like doing so again.

today, I HAD THE MOST AWESOME AMAZING RUN IN MACRITCHIE 8KM NORTHERN ROUTE WHOOT i missed it like crazy. I AM VERY HAPPY. :D :D :D

anyhow, i think that statement just goes to show i havent changed much since i first started blogging. yes, im stlil in love with disney. im still in love with macritchie despite its new structural changes. makes me go yuck and yet leaves me in awe.

anyhoo, life over the past 6 months, i passed my driving, i started uni, my social circle widened i study until i cry, i stay in hall, i finished 42.195km, i climbed a mountain with nusxcountry, i had the best holidays with jc friends (mostly) and it was AWESOMEEEEE. hols never felt so much like hols until uni manz. it was one serious big long good break apart from coming back to school occasionally,

and then there's running. yes it is still a part of my life that i cant seem to shake off. tried shaking it off, but who am i kidding. i cant shake it off no matter how untalented i am in it. but yeah, im taking things slow now, seem to find myself conserving too much energy after training ends. i think i might have lost the will to push. i run cos i want to run and i dont bother pushing. and yet, i also run because i miss it and my teammates make me feel like pushing cos i dont want to let them down. and today, eventhough it was supposed to be easy run, i felt the DRIVE. i felt myself intheawesomemode. iLOVEgetting high in macritchie. and i bet everyone would think im crazy now but yes, im confessing. i love love LOVE getting high in macritchie. i LOVE the northern route hehehehehe. brings back good old memories. :) esp mg training days rather than ac. it makes me happy.

and as of now, ive been spending little time driving with my dad and im moving back to hall within the week sigh. still need to research on unis for exchange, pack my room, cut hair, see dentist, see optician, shop for 2010 calendar (omg can you believe it i started this blog when i was 14 and im 20 this year FRIG.)

another part thats been haunting me is that i am growing up. i admit i am naive. i trust others too easily because i love just choosing to only see the good in other people and ignoring their flaws because i too, have my own flaws and i think that everybody doesnt want to come off as a not nice person so i treat everyone nicely. and even when i dont like that i will still be courteous, just not as friendly. lol. and i was watching animal planet with my dad ytd on the world's deadliest animals, even snakes and scorpions and big poisonous spiders in australia (where ppl retire to the sun) can kill people. sigh! seriously. if only everywhere was just safe but of course la. we humans invaded their homes their territory just to build homes for ourselves. this is so contradicting. if only life was much easier than it actually issssssss. i keep trying to look from a child's point of view but i would not notice alot of other things gng on that i should know.

2009-06-09T06:18:00.001+08:00

i am not very happy,
partly because of what i've become.
i envy, and pick on flaws and complain and complain and rant.............................
AND I FINISHED WATHCING ALL THE EPISODES OF MY SHOW :'(

2009-05-31T02:04:00.000+08:00

he got angry with me
i didnt mean to cry
and i know its because he loves me.

2009-05-27T01:22:00.004+08:00

2009: new phase of life, transition from JC to UNI

no school uniform
no waking up at 6+am 200/365 days in a year
no training regularly :(
no kessie :(
ie no dog to study with me :(

results
giving tuition
waitressing
driving
GETTING MY LICENSE TODAY
new friends
new school
more goodbyes and hugs?
hall??? (i suddenly feel very unsure whether i should really stay in hall or not)
what to join?
meeting up alot of friends
how to curb spending when there is no sch for 7mths
feeling even older & more nostalgic
more decisions to make on my own ):
my older generation of family members are getting even older and health also.......

helppppppp

patience
hope
love one another.

i must not take things for granted
i must stop living in the past again shes around no more ): i want to hug&kiss mydarling kessie so badly right now :'( dammit i dont want her gone!!! ARGHH THIS IS SO UPSETTING I MISS KESSIE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. words cant express the magnitude of how im feeling right now
i want to spend more time with my family.

i do not like change. ): but we all gotta grow up some day,

i cant say anything you want to hear right now, im sorry.

2009-05-18T01:36:00.003+08:00

today is just one of the few days where i feel very stupid for doing nothing with my life.

and nus is sending me so many emails i dno which camps to go for and do I REALLY WANT TO GO FOR SO MANY CAMPS OMGOSH. i know i get to choose which i can go for but erjie says its best to go for as many as possible and i dont know which to shortlist where to go and like i have all the time in the world to search around the nus website but im like so urghed nothing is really calling out to me more than the others. and i have to pay for camps you know?! its also too late for any regrets about any decision ive made.(:

and my driving test is in like 9 days zomg

just ytd i was feeling so contented with my life
today im freaking out by the 1000 doors opened for me. argh
and my friends are leaving singapore.
LIKE ALL THE CLOSE ONES ARE LEAVING SG
FREAK
))))))))):

and like i know im not living in poverty or i didnt lose anyone close to me (other than kessie) or like have any family issues im just whining like some spoilt brat and bah @#$%^&* im just veh bu shuang.

and to curb my spending, afterall im receiving a pay raise of 1$ perhour, IM WORKING ALMOST EVERYDAY THIS WEEK HAHAHAHA except tuesday. keeps my mind off things, but at the same time makes me want to do other things

i need something fun to do everyday.........
like, running. IM GNG TO HORTYHORTPARK WITH MY DAJIE and if we are super pro enough we might even make it to kent ridge bwahahaha.

btw tioman last week was AWESOME. it was cool i met a girl whos in nus xcountry, a girl in nus bizad (accountancy)
makes me want to join xcountry again even though i will be under sq
and not regret choosing accountancy for uni :) she said the lecturers are super good esp for 3rd and 4th year. i think i can live through the 1st 2 years :)

and then hall lehhhhhhhhh howhowhowhowhow ):
i havent blogged so much in ages

2009-04-30T03:38:00.000+08:00

i love disney.
it supports everything i love.

2009-04-25T16:26:00.004+08:00

I
AM
WAITING
FOR
A
HUGE
VOLCANO
WITH
ALOT
OF
LAVA
TO
ERUPT
SO
THAT
ITS
FUMES
WOULD
CAUSE
WORLD
TEMPERATURE
TO
DECREASE
.

2009-04-18T17:17:00.000+08:00

zomg its damn hot i am melting AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

2009-04-14T01:37:00.002+08:00

things are so different now, times are changing and you're only just a part of my memory, just a part of yesterday. you no longer mean as much as you used to to me and i wished these feelings didnt change. i can't help it and i want the feeling back so badly now :(

2009-04-06T16:05:00.001+08:00

stop asking me to be someone else :( cant you accept me for being me
its not like i ask you to stop being so mean