maple leaves.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

ok. i know what i want and am keen on getting. :)

`5:34 AM__;

Friday, February 20, 2009

today is ME DAY. though i spent the first 7+hours since 12am in school.
and im so glad i finally got down to buying that cross stitch needle. and 5 backuP! :D yay now i can finally cont and finish on my cross stitch. :D:DD and today i intend to just crossstitch and watch tv. and possibly read my practical driving book. today feels like a good day. ^_^

i think i seriously lack slp but at the same time i dont really care anymore. cos no matter how many times i catch up with my slp and how many times i say i lack slp. i always end up lacking slp in the end. -.- but i think i can wake up late on sunday just not too late... since i have tuition before work.

im a SERIOUS noob at running with stamina that can last me 21km. sigh my speed is poop now =/

i should really start running regularly if im gna help mdm hurr.

`8:03 AM__;

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

everyday has been like this:

afternoon/latemorning: go work/training or race/driving/tuition/randomouting
come home at night
use computer until late at night
wake up around 10am to 1+pm earliest.

i let myself slp late and set alarm to wake up in the afternoon.
but because i set my alarm - limited slp.
i didnt realise how tired i actually was until today... i took a half day off and was lying down and doing kakuro. i almost dosed off but i made myself watch tv and dno stay online and emo and talk and

tonight was really emo session. and i could have just caught up with slp and go to bed but i didnt want to go to bed too early.

my future seems so uncertain... i feel scared being so insecure. :(

and i am not treating myself well. ._.

`4:29 AM__;

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

i realise im developing a habit to block out the sad things i hear.

`2:28 AM__;

Friday, February 06, 2009

you know the song in my prev post?

it played shortly in the car after she got sent for cremation and
.... she really died in my sister's arms.

may 1996 (either 7 or 4months old then.. still a big qn)
to
6th feb 2009 0020 hours.

kessie.

i cried.. but i think it really hit me in the animal hospital - i was cradling a dead dog. shes really not going to move again.
shes not gonna breathe anymore, shes not gonna come running to me anymore, shes not gonna bite me, whine, make me pullout her constipated shit with my bare hands, shes not gna lick me, sleep with me, study with me, watch tv with me anymore. ever.

my face is red from orientation, my eyes are red. i almost couldnt recognise myself...

and on this special day. i had such a busy week. i was 100x more shagged than my past few entries

to think i was so upset about other issues.

i got closer to 3 special friends this week. and im glad the week was spent with them

i am grateful. that i chose not to stayover in sch. and because i didnt, i got home at 0015. and she left 5min later. and i really really felt that she waited to see me before she went. she waited to see us 3 before going. theres so much running through my mind, how we used to play with her when we were young, everything we did with her and everything shes been through till today.

`2:48 AM__;

Monday, February 02, 2009

heh. i just smacked a mosquito. fatty bombom. yuckz.

anw i think shes improving abit.. from her behaviour and im glad. she feels heavier. and im even more glad.
and i got pangsehed for the XXXth time by a friend who holds a special place in my heart.. and well it irritates me that she holds a special place in my heart. bla.

anyway i would like to share a song :)

You fill up my senses

Like a night in the forest

Like the mountains in springtime

Like a walk in the rain

Like a storm in the desert

Like a sleepy blue ocean

You fill up my senses

Come fill me again

Come let me love you

Let me give my life to you

Let me drown in your laughter

Let me die in your arms

Let me lay down beside you

Let me always be with you

Come let me love you

Come love me again

You fill up my senses

Like a night in the forest

Like the mountains in springtime

Like a walk in the rain

Like a storm in the desert

Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses

Come fill me again

Annie's Song - John Denver (1943-1997)

`3:09 AM__;