maple leaves.

Friday, September 26, 2008

"Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths" - Walt Disney

as shown at the end of meet the robinsons. i watched it again today. (: (: (: and realise i learn alot and really grow spiritually just by watching disney shows.

`10:34 PM__;

Sunday, September 07, 2008

rough time
tough mental situation
school starts tmr
my insides are all super freaked out and going crazy.
AHHHHHHH
i can feel my eyes gna burst.
till now i still havent gotten a good slp. i slept at 8++ this morning and woke up when half the day was gone feeling all @#$%^&*. past few nights ive slept at 1+(earliest), 2+once, 3+ once, 5+ once, 6+ twice, 830am twice
seriously, what is wrong with me.

ok i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts i am not going nuts

i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined i am disciplined

i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro i am a pro

positive self talk! i am CALM AND MOTIVATED!!!! GOGOGOGO I CAN DO THIS. gjkhdtyhld

`11:11 PM__;

Friday, September 05, 2008

i feel so screwed up. no one's awake now. ive been in bed for super long alr and im damn tired but i cant slp. everytime i try to give myself a break i cant slp. and i never ever felt so dependent on ppl before. and i get so cranky nowadays i just start bursting into tears over small things. and im doing it right now. and i dont wanna keep running away just watching disney.

`3:14 AM__;

i think disney keeps me sane.

i think i havent been living up to things i've been saying here. even after i say something like "starting from now! i will ............"
i am no longer a person of my word. (which i find really heartbreaking) so i should stop saying things i should do here (though of course i might end up sitll doing it again since im not a person of my word)

just thinking about A's is whoooooo. and then suddenly out of the blue. 2 smses from 2 dear teachers. we may have brightened up their day, but it brightened up mine so much more! i rmb hugging them when i got my results, tearing like nobody's business. i never felt so overwhelmed in my life! and now im overwhelmed by how much to do....... ah control control control. I AM NOT LOSING IT. i cannot be losing it i cannot be losing it i cannot be losing it. i am pro i am pro i am pro i am giving myself positive selftalk.

on a lighter note. ytd was the longest day out for me in a long time. i was out the whole day!!! and i was on the mrt to dhobyghaut, then later took mrt home, then go bukit panjang and then the same way back home again. whoaaaaaa. my foot got extra swollen just standing on the mrt but i couldnt resist taking the lrt to and from bukit panjang. it was so cute!! and my first time. so coolzz. i could have taken bus home from the interchange but i didnt want to. ehehehehehe. today i was on the verge of cancelling my study plans for the week. but then reality checked in just on time! those 2 smses just told me i. cant. afford. to. do. so.

but i still havent caught up with my sleep since june. ): i think panda eyes are cool but i'd rather have my long slping hours. they feel so good & i miss it terribly. ): with my foot like that i cant give priority to running either! im gna be some extra unhealthy shit. omgzzz. im missing training like crap nowwww.

`2:00 AM__;

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

i can tell that you love me from the things you do
youve considered my feelings.

but the things you say
just tells me otherwise.

:'(((((((((((((((((((((

i want to mean it but i cant admit that i am insensitive to the things you say.
i want to love you for who you are but i dont think i do.
and at times like this. i guess its my fault. again. worghorsngjdfh. me. creating. my. own. problems. im so good at digging my own grave.

`8:11 PM__;