maple leaves.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Eduard Christoff Philippe GÈrard Renaldi, Prince of Genovia:
Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.
- the princess diaries. :D

i watched meet the robinsons again. its so sweeeeeeettttttt.

anw im back to turning on my comp after 2+ months. and i feel more motivated to study now that my comp is on lol. my dad says if i leave it off for too long it may go haywire when i turn it back.. true enough its acting slower than it used to. but at least i turned it back on now! and not in nov. i missed my emoticons so much. haha. i think after sept hols i have much to do. i planned out my study timetable and theres just so much to do! its so..... X_X

`10:16 PM__;

Saturday, August 30, 2008

i feel like my secondary sch is like my 2nd home.
today i went back, it was as good as saying something like IM HOME!!!
i only saw miss teo who said i looked damn stressed and kept asking if i was ok and needed help though i have no idea why. she gave me a hug and i felt like tearing. then we went into the staffroom. left notes on teachers tables and spammed their whiteboard. and also went to my exclassroom and spammed the board too. and went out with teo, jasvir, tiff, jamie :):) i had a good time listening to them talk. it was fun.

and then i went to orchard to ____________
then when i got home at 5+ i crashed from 6 to 11pm
.__.
then now im aawake and cannot slp again. lol. haiyoh.
and i want to run but my foot is swollen. it hurts very much when i walk now. when i had time to run during prelims it rained. now i have time to run after prelims. my foot swell. one nice big orhcheh there. aiyoh. grrr.

nonetheless. i enjoyed my time with mg peeps today. XD

`3:26 AM__;

Friday, August 29, 2008

omg
im so pissed by the fact that
the past 36 hours of not studying
HAS NOT ENABLED ME TO HAVE A GOOD SLEEP. @#$%^&*!!!!!

again tonight, i cannot slp. ARGH. and im going to sch tmr morning.

and i still have that cloud of worry above my head. ): i am really very sad and in need of effective positive self talk.

on a lighter note, i spent the day with 3 special friends.

): ): ): i want to be more positive.

ohhhhhhh shed some light on me. i feel that everything i do to make things better doesnt help. im not supposed to be studying but i still feel so pressured to do something. i cant slp. i lack slp. and im going on and on and on about myself. when will i stop being so selfish.
i think when i study for A's, i will be trying to master how to stay calm when i study. because staying calm when i study is 1000x more effective studying than being pressured when i study. :'( so far i've made myself feel better by distracting my thoughts and when reality keeps checking in i. find. myself. knocking. on. the. same. door.

aiyahhhhhhhhh. maybe one way to help myself right now is to really really. stop thinking about studies and take this break seriously. work hard play hard. AND IM NOT PLAYING HARD ENOUGH IN THIS fewdaysbreak. omgzxzxzx X_X
its past 4 now.

`3:52 AM__;

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

i find it amusing on how simple things can take my mind off how terrible i was feeling just now. but at the same time its almost as good as running away from reality. and when reality checks in again... K.O. and i shall laugh about it while i still can. hahahahaha. =X

`11:16 AM__;

i could swear that im one of the most idiotic people on earth. because i keep doing things to hurt myself. its annoying.
its like im addicted to unknowingly do stupid things. @#$%^&*!!!! and crying would not do anything.

and prelims have just ended. im prob the only bodoh feeling like this.

`10:22 AM__;

Monday, August 25, 2008

it suddenly dawned on me that...
i havent been doing anything right for the past pwrgtlsrfjg days/months.
i've not been doing anything right. and do i really show more concern for others than myself?
i dont know, im supposed to know myself best, but suddenly i dont think i know.
i am down.
the only one who can bring me up is me now.
i've received more than enough support, everything that i could possibly need but may not want is already right infront of me.

time to make up for all that. i really must.
and it'll take loads of effort to put my heart into it.
and will i really live up to my word this time? :/
i hope i do. im already losing so much respect for myself.
(and this is more than just grades.)

`2:27 AM__;

Thursday, August 14, 2008

so far,
exams = backache, neck pain, bad sleeping hours, worryoverunnecessarythings, no running, and the coolest panda eyes anyone could ever wish for.

pain is only temporary!!!! i shall gogogogogo sleepp.

`6:23 PM__;

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

oh nO!! *shockshockhorrorhorror*

i have made a new discovery. well not really today but i kinda confirmed it today.
i...
i...
i...
i...

sleep walk. :S

ytd i was studying on the sofa at 9+pm. next thing i know, i wake up at 3am on my bed.

and i just found out that

apparently last night b/w 10 to 3, i kicked someone and shouted at someone and even went into my bedroom lying in the most awkward position. i was told that i even came out walking out like zombie to take my notes and went back into my room. well thats just the main gist. theres more, but small details.

and i dont even rmb doing all that. i feel so terrible.
and im reading up about this "disorder" i seem to have developed now. its disturbing and i feel worried. :S

`12:03 PM__;