maple leaves.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

things have been going better. i still feel crazy and sensitive and really deprived of sleep but im starting to feel better about things and i had an awesome but not as productive weekend. mdm gave birth!! i feel so happy for her and so out of touch with running. ironically, i still feel better though my lifestyle is more screwed than it has ever been.
anw. purpose of today's entry is: this song that makes my heart melt. (ilovedisney!!)

let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know the hardest part is over?
let it in, let your clarity define you
in the end we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made in these small hours
these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate
time falls away, but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made in these small hours
these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate
time falls away, but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret will wash away somehow
but i can not forget the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate
yeah these twists & turns of fate!

time falls away, yeah but these small hours
and these small hours, still remain, yeah
ooh they still remain
these little wonders, oh these twists & turns of fate

time falls away but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

Rob Thomas - Little Wonders

`11:39 PM__;

Saturday, July 26, 2008

today. was awesome. in its own special way
i went back to mg
i spent time with mg cross team
i bonded with juniors 3-5 years younger than me
i spent time with ppl i used to train with
i saw tng
i spent quality time with yihuipoo
i laughed so hard until i cried. i hadnt laughed like this for months.
i walked up the mg slope.
i explored mg.
i took 970.
i am going to watch meet the robinsons. super cool disney movie. i love it so much.

i love walking to the bus stop from mg. i love walking from the bus stop to mg. i love taking 970 to school and home. its so fun. the time i can use to study on the bus, think about things on the bus... compared to the stupid mrt walk and standing... the atmosphere is so tense. i can do so much on the bus. study, sleep, rest, so productive. whereas in the mrt i have to be aware about my surroundings. i cant do much either since its only 2 stops away. and i was walking up the slope... thinking OMG this used to be killer for me. now compared to the mrt walk, this is like no kick. -.- and mg has upgraded. and i was saying that i would rather go to school here than dovercloseeast and learn everything in my jc syllabus. i would be doing so much better. sighzxzxzx. i miss my teachers. the teachers in mg are so funny. i love mg. i love mg i love mg i love mg. i love mg soso much. ),:
i dont want to grow up. but i cant go against reality. it'll just make things worse. so how do i accept reality???? =/

`7:05 PM__;

Friday, July 25, 2008

the few things that bug me are the very things i know i have to accept but cant.
for example:
1) the fact that i am very sensitive
2) human nature
3) people know they procastinate, they complain about how much theyve not done, and still end up not doing much about it - i find myself in the same situation but more on different issues but still requires discipline toward certain things
4) everyone seems like a hypocrit. sometimes they do it without even realising it.
5) i can accept what ppl say, but yet i fear that they wont accept what i say.
6) my pride. my stubbornness. i tell people my problems. i say them SO MANY times. and i find no answer to them. and yet i've received so much advice but i keep turning my back on them because i disagree with them. but isnt that why i have these problems?
7) i keep going around in circles and find myself back at square one. it irritates me. and everybody else. so i think i should just shut up such that i only bug myself and only myself and nobody else.

this week i was really going nuts. im becoming absentminded and more skujdhgsuhkrs. and i thought last year was already bad enough. i've been sleeping on the sofa studying more than on my bed, i understand alot of things better now but still not enough, i have cool eyebags, i am running at the average of once a week ):, i feel like crying so much but then its so pointless doing so. afterall i know im not the only one who has to study like mad. there are so 1000+++ ppl in the same situation, some handling it better, some handling it worse. some who are just so ignorant. and why do i even care so much. why do i think so much about things that dont even matter. i flare up at ppl cos i feel so upset for them yet its none of my business. and then. i look back on myself, i have no idea what i've done wrong, i dont get how some ppl treat me. and i dont get why i care so much. i dont get on how i should really stop myself from caring so much. and i feel so misunderstood. example: today i was kiasu and was the first to rush out of lecture to the library to study. and when my lecturer saw me entering the 2nd floor of the library door through the glass door she thought i ponned her lecture.

`7:45 PM__;