maple leaves.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

oh my, its the start of hols and i feel more exhausted than i ever did in school!
theres good and bad to it... and i think no matter how i try to let myself study for more than 2 weeks this month, i think i can only study for 2 weeks max. omgad.
need to replan my study plan. i feel like energy's been sucked out of me.
along with my money. and im getting extra extra picky with my spending now.

i dont get why am i such a pessimist. i dont get why i can acknowledge the good stuff but not be as affected by it compared to how bad stuff affects me.
or maybe the reason is simple: i am really a perfectionist when it comes to alot of things. and sometimes i'd just wish i were more accepting... more tolerant... i mean i can behave like i reallly am but thats just me trying to be nice and not really being nice. bloopz.

anyway bintan in 3 days! im excited and scared. still. and OOF. omg. sundown on sat too! i havent ran hard in a long time. ohmy. oh dear. oh no. oh haha. .__. and after bintan: FULL TIME STUDYING. i must let myself go on this 4-5month marathon of studying for A's. ohmytian thats very little time i need to bring up my grades!!!

ok back to present and not think about the future. some day this hols, i must change some habits to become a better person instead of someone worse. from the someone who indulges a little too much, spends more than willing, and makes bad decisions to someone with discipline, without going off limits set for herself, and makes more practical & goodinthelongterm decisions.

`11:37 PM__;

Sunday, May 25, 2008

i was just looking at some mg cross photos... ):

actually im still looking.

and i feel like crying. very very much.

on a much lighter note, i saw some ac seniors in the background of some of my pictures taken in sec sch! how cool is that.

`11:22 PM__;

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

ive been............

having alot of weird things on my mind lately..

experiencing alot of new things though its just same old going to sch 5days a week.

why cant i motivate myself anymore?

hmmmm.

`9:04 PM__;

Saturday, May 10, 2008

im feeling happy and sad.
sad that i have hurt people i have no intentions of hurting. but of course im not a perfect person... but today, i learnt. i dont intend to change for the better actually but probably will make a few exceptions :) esp if its for someone special and since i dont think i will mind it.
i have special people in my life.
i am grateful for them. i really appreciate them. and i really really really mean what i just said.

im happy, because tmr im seeing tiff, supporting caoyu in the CPA. and also only left with gp package test for the rest of the term!
eek so excitingxzxzzz.. but yeah i guess i need to err start doing my own work, testpapers etc.. after that. june hols are coming! yay. and bintan trip! its like.. i dont know whats gna happen and yet i feel so excited though there maybe cockcroaches! omgzxzz.

`12:58 AM__;

Saturday, May 03, 2008

i need to grow up and stop thinking about the past so much. things become so blaaa i start missing how things were in teh past so much.

things are quite sucky now but theyre not any worse. and i should not let myself get more tangled up in this.

i need to face reality and start doing something about it! i need to nag at myself more. i need to do what i say and stop breaking my own words. theyre not even that unrealistic. i cant wait for this friday to end.

`11:52 PM__;

school has been.. well.. suddenly after natls. im starting to be abit behind.. not really abit but still abit behind time. and i dont even stay back for anything.. had 2 test on mon & tues. 2 next thurs & fri. scared.. unprepared for now. and i dont think i have enough time at the rate im going. because... after econs tuition today
i watched tv.
tv.tv.tv. and i knew i was supposed to do work but i think i got so stressed i ended up not even doing it. (i seriously need to stop behaving like this.) and then i watched hercules on disney channel at 11pm. i was dying to watch it last dec and now theyre showing it.. but ANYWAY... i felt the same thing when i watched it again. its so heartwarming.. it has such a simple plot but i love it so much. and ytd i watched shes the man with my sister. we spent half the time laughing like mad people. it was so so so funny.
ok back to hercules. till now my heart is still feeling all tingly inside from how sweet the show is.
i love disney movies.. how they can teach the most important values in life in just cute nice stories with such good animation. and it surprises me that some people my age now dont even see the importance in these values. but okay la diff ppl diff perspective. but i still love love love love love disneyyyyy.

on a lighter note, santosh is back from america!! whoo. my saviour. back at such good timing right when theyre gna finish the syllabus. i couldnt feel more happier. and i also got in for bintan trip!! im so excited and scared.. gah. and i dont know what im doing with myselff i really need to be more self disciplined and motivated in my studies.. there arent mid years to make me study and then i'll only be left with prelims. ohmy.

`12:40 AM__;