maple leaves.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

whoa. funorama's finally over! i went out to class dinner after that not feeling well.. but i just went cos i gave my word on friday. then the food took damn long to come and it was ex and i was exhausted and i just wasnt in the mood. i wanted to go home so badly. and when i finally left, the bus took dman long to come we took a cab to mrt and i walked home from there. thats one of the most torturous walks home i ever had. my legs were like eeeeeee and stomach was bad. i got home, showered, the pain got worse. but i slept anw.. for about 12hours? :( i thought i'd sleep longer.. but oh well. 12 isnt too bad. and i spent the whole day watching tv. the tv's still on but its getting abit boring and im getting a headache from too mcuh tv. lol.

anyway, funorama didnt turn out as fun as i thought. but it got by real quick! i cant believe i stayed within the first 2 levels of the school from 7+ to 7pm. well.. first was the set up, then the ceremony, moving around for a while, and i settled in the games stall for a few min and then i realised i was doing my shift in the wrong stall i went over to food and stayed till around 12. i accompanied dajie for about 30min before she left, then tiff & amanda! i loved spending the time with them till i think 4pm? we played games and "competed" with each other and i didnt spend much of my coupons actually. yup then i went around with felicia and then did my shift at the games stall which is the last shift. and then -----end. i didnt go to any of the haunted houses. oh well.
today's my first day break from the whole 18consecutive days of feeling exhausted. 1 day may not be enough! i cant wait to train tmr. i dno why i really feel like running now. hopefully there wont be lessons! :)

andddd on a lighter note, i feel that my class is much better now. our satay finished at 1.15pm eventhough there were 5 satay stalls! bahaha. our games stall also turned out pretty well.

`8:20 PM__;

Friday, March 28, 2008

i. still. am. very exhausted.
BUT because i was so tired when i came home today, i fell asleep waiting to use the toilet to shower and after i woke up i just wasnt sleepy already. but i still feel damn exhausted la. i dont quite know how to describe it, its like every part of me feels so worn out and oof. but my brain is still functioning okay.

lets see, monday i was prepared to train. but it rained. nvm. so tuesday morning come to sch and run. i've been sleeping before 12am since monday night btw but i still feel damn exhausted. i couldnt wake up on wed la!
nvm. so tuesday after school i stayed there until like 6++ though we ended at 1.10 just to paint banners and do our price chart. (which ended up getting done today only)
our banners are pretty okay.

then wed i think is the most fun PE i ever had with my class. we played captain's ball for like 1hour and took up 1bball court, after it ended i felt like i just had trg. anyway trg was time trial and i dno what to feel. but i know i really wanted to just drop dead at ccab bus stop cos i was so so so so tired.
thurs, ytd. i also forgot what happened, other than that gp was really quite funny and i really enjoyed the lesson. after that i went home, came back, finished chem tutorial!! :D and we did our stayover. it was an okay run, abit scary, shorter than i had really really expected. thank goodness. its like when we were doing warm up, it suddenly hit me that i wasnt in any mood to run at all, i wasnt in that imgoingtotrainrightnow mode and then i forced myself to run no matter how tempting it was to tell mdm that i felt damn off. turned out to be better than expected :) and then the sky was really bright, the stars stood out so much more than it ever did in the past few weeks/months of my life. and we sort of talked abit, and i played bridge with the J1s till 2. went to slp. slept like rock. and didnt get up till 6.40 though i heard my alarm at 615.

today, i almost died in the morning. everything was so disorganised i wanted to cry so badly. THANK GOODNESS. everything was saved and all was well after 2pm. and i am very thankful for my class. haha i think the deco's abit too girly lol but its not bad! has some style to it. (: and i think that today was one of the rare days that my class was so united. ohyeah and we collected our class shirts today, 3 of them had printing errors! so i went back to queensway to get it changed but since we're gonna wear it tmr the person offered to erase the names first, he could only change it only when the "factory" was open (it was closed when i got there) then i was so tired i even asked my mum to pick me from queensway to go home. haha i felt so lazy but like after i got into the car it started raining. hehehehhe i really got 6th sense. ;)

i ran on mon tues wed thurs. and now i have 3 days break. hurrr. i really dunno what to think about running now and i think i've finally managed to make myself feel sleepy i will go off now. (:

`10:57 PM__;

Monday, March 24, 2008

today was somewhat.. motivational.
just made me more willing to want to do my work.

and i ened to sleep early tonight.. still feeling exhausted from 12th march. but i dno if i really can :(
the 2nd word of every 2 words i wrote during lecture today kept looking like crap cos i was falling asleep so much and at the same time trying not to slp. booooooo. need to buck up on math. really.

my attention span quite bad eh.

and though i only have one month of trg left, im really loving it now. finally. after forcing myself so much to stop being so urgh, im finally loving it. and it rained today.

anyway, hardworking me is gna make a come back soon! bahahhaa. i hope after i say this i really live up to my word.

`8:22 PM__;

Sunday, March 23, 2008

i have a problem:
i just got overly agitated over a miscommunication and i feel so so so pissed and urghhh and ldkfjhlkjhjsfh that person should have just shut up first and not said it since thats how it ended.
i do not trust ppl easily.
i lose their trust over minor things. and it seems to be happening alot.
and then i will chase people away by being exceptionally rude.
stubborn.
mean.

i'd rather they not say it than say it if they gna break their word.

so please, if youre not gna keep t o it. just shut up.

i guess thats just me ideally speaking. i know i get pissed off when i end up breaking my own words when i really really didnt intend to. sighzzzzzzzz.

i have been feeling ver y very very very very exhausted.

why am i so sensitiveeeeeeeeeee. and i do not seem to be putting in effort to be accomodating / accepting of others / tolerant.

i must be grateful.
i must be appreciative.

i am thankful.

`11:04 PM__;

Saturday, March 22, 2008

a friend left for aussie on wed,
what was really unexpected for me was that i cried. it wasnt that bad but worse than a sob. =S i had no idea why, but i think all the feelings i had of her over the years just came over me suddenly. amongst all my friends, we been through the same class, and trgs for years and they took up alot of our time in our lives. so it felt like we been through alot of the same things together though we were never close. i personally thought that we had a special and yet really awkward bond and it seemed to really affect me that i wasnt gonna see her for a long time.
anyway, it was a long mrt ride, charissa and her mum were really nice and walked me home cos it was like 12+am. and then my feet were damn sore after trg and all the walking and standing in the mrt. bleah. and it was like the dunno what time taking mrt from the east since last week. (bedok, NTU thing, ...)

oh well, thurs, school - i realised i got D for econs and not E! :D:D and yeah im really dropping chinese. we also had sports talk, and our super super long run to tanglin mall to nassim road and back. then i played abit of indian poker and i kept getting fooled. =/ we watched rmb the titans! it turned out to be quite nice yup. then i went to bed at 4+, woke up alot earlier than i thought -.- 8+ . but i slept lil more and woke up at 9+ and lay down for a long long while before i finally got up. packed the stuff, and then we went to holland v yakun at about 11, had bfast with jessica shuxian murphy shawn allan landdis ryan. my bfast was really really AWESOME. the juniors left short while later, and the 4 of us stayed in yakun talking till 2pm! i liked our mini gathering. i felt very comfortable with them, and like it wasnt very superficial nor fake, and i could really relate to them. and we were talking from topic to another topic to another topic. we only left cos like we needed to use toilet. hahaha. they went to BK right after yakun & toilet break -.- but i left to meet felicia at tiong. bought my thing and we ate at mos burger. lol. then she came over to do her work. i was suppsoed to do chem but i got so tired, i watched tv for about 30min and then i came back in to my room and fell asleep right next to her at around 620pm.
i woke up at930 and realised she was gone!! lol. i felt like such a bad host, turns out she left at 730 as her friend was coming to her house and she managed to finish her tutorial with much help from my math file :D yup then i showered and tlaked to dajie abit and then... didnt do much since. alright got about 8hours left to sleep! i dont think i want econs tuition on sunday morning T_T blaaaaa. ive been feeling very exhausted.

but i dont think i ever felt as happy as i ever did today in the past few weeks. today i had a really special and good good friday. (:

`3:55 AM__;

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

so. after terms,
fri: chem spa, chinese, trg
sat: trg 2hard run. poo.
sun: spend alot of money
mon: trg, and i forgot what.
tues: i forgot. slack day at home i think
wed: bedok race. go sch, take bus, wait long long cos raining, warm up, rain, postpone, waitlonglong for bus, long bus ride, reach sch, go holland v, tried cold rock! i bought bubblegum and caramel. really really unique and weird but was quite cool too. then go home. nothing much but really tired me out.
thurs: trg, went out with dad but we split up and did our own shopping at vivo, then went out with dajie.
fri: the real race. made my way there via mrt. raced. cool red brick path. go tampines for dinner with team. took mrt to tiong together, watch step up 2 with cousin - i like the last performance very much and the oart when they were practising and the mirror reflections. whoo.
sat: trg at old NIE. felt like sec 2. go nassim, then then then 3x redbrick path. then went 6th avenue with yihui, went tiong with felicia again, went queensway by meself, came home and... i think stoned. packed for NTU cip marshalling for NTU Xphysique. did nothing when i came at 9. they started at 10+ slept around 12,
sun: wake up at 4, take bus to pasir ris from boonlay -.- was like 45min cos no traffic, then we sat in a lorry!! :D then didnt do much stone stone stone. i was quite slack. but yeah our station was the luckiest. and then took mrt from tampines. i slept all the way from bedok to tiong. then neck pain.
mon: schoolstart, super tired from cip i slept in the hall after the singing until 905 when they were talking about A levels -.-" then only got chem mcq, got nothing back. trg was damn long, but was more do-able, and tiring but yet felt good at the same time. then slept damn well.
today, tues: wake up 715, took bus to sch, was early by 4min. then 5hr marathon in school. chem math phy econs gp chem lect. everysingle period i got paper back (except chem - only found out marks) im more or less ok la. abit --. for my maths and econs. esp for the way i lost some marks in math. and econs was like. i just needed half mark to 50%. and i have econs tuition.

anw, after sch today was interesting. was supposed to help sell funorama tickets but cancelled. then went to queensway with jasmine and minting (who by the way now stays near me!!) yup then jasmine collected her stuff, minting and i went anchorpoint for subway (which has a 5.50$ student meal to include drink & cookie unlike holland v which asks for additional 2$?) then she came over. and we talkedalot. then i stoned, and fell asleep and i watched tv for abit, and i slacked. and i think i will go to bed now.

`1:01 AM__;

Saturday, March 15, 2008

its not that im not trying. but i guess just not hard enough.. then i dont dare go so extreme cos consequences caan be quite bad.
aiya. stop being so negative.
it is damn irritating.

I WATCHED STEP UP 2 TODAY. cooollzzz. and i want to go back to tiong to check out some shop.
omg my $$$$.

`12:28 AM__;

Thursday, March 13, 2008

how do you know when to let go? and when not to...? esp when the answer isnt like directly INYOURFACE.

i find it hard to find people who keep to their word.
its like sometimes when im so happy someone agrees to something COS MY LIFE REALLY DEPENDED ON IT and then suddenly the person just turns his/herback on me. like its no bigdeal to them.
its like,
everyhting around me just crumbles down ...
maybe the feeling's temporary.
and i think i shouldnt bear grudges.
but i do.

i feel very very very very VERY inferior right now.

i was very tired ytd. actually i still am. but im gna go out with my dad! (:

`12:43 PM__;

Monday, March 10, 2008

tmr is a new day.
a new beginning.
on a random holiday.

(:

ivebeen quite stingy with my money eversince ytd's spending. :S it was so heartbreaking everytime i spent money after that.

shall attempt to finish yihui's book and make good use of my holiday. :D

`10:03 PM__;

change.
is inevitable.

ISTJs have difficulty resisting change.
im experiencing change.
change sucks.
i liked it before. and im gonna change it BACK. i dont care.

i spent alot of $$$ today. ive been told to be horribly stingy with money.
but when i spend. i spend like mad. but im really happy with what i boguht today. very very happy. :D
and i have this slight regret for not taking geog. i realise everytime i try to make myself read newspapers for gp, im more interested in looking at those environment-related news, rather than anything about government or politics stuff. haha.
ok la i dont regret it that much actually. after hearing jasmine talking about how much they have to study for geog. =/

oh well. im back to learning lyphard melodie. taking forever to master another part just by looking at the piano play by itself. -.- but it feels great once i get it. :D

`12:31 AM__;

Friday, March 07, 2008

from the skies above,
to the deepest love,
i've never feltttttttt
crazy like this beforeeeee

haha it sounded nice. paint my love - michael learns to rock.
my maid used to sing 25 mins too late to me when i was young. and well now i think michael learns to rock is sweet. you dont hear such soothing music around much nowadays.

today i felt hurt. but my friend was feeling more sad. the whole world was really nice with her.
and because i think my mindset was all screwed up. i felt that i was in no place to say anything. and i think i'll keep feeling like this for a very very long time in my life.....
hope it goes away!!

i need to work very very hard this year. in everything i do. =/

oh yes i got chinese back today. my last chem spa today. bababa. bloop.

anw went from portsdown and walked on the train tracks! then the train came we crossed to the other side and found ourselves at queensway! then we went to the church in our shirt and fbts and headed off back to sch by tanglin halt. yep. ok i think i wanted to say more but i cant rmb. i really must enjoy this hols. REALLY MUST!!!

its 1205am. this is the earliest time im going to bed before a sat morning trg in a really really long time.

`11:54 PM__;

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

theres a mosquito bite on my foot.
very itchy. i scratch very ticklish.

i have noticed that alot of people change, time flies real quick, or well. maybe theyre still the same inside. but things they do, and their way of life... and though the change can be seemingly unbelievable at first, i realise that its all just a part of growing up. nothing really unbelievable. i just dont like change.
i think i give someone too much attention that this person's ego is growing too much. too much.

just yesterday i realised how i may have misunderstood someone. and probably lost something impt to me. but im still so numb.
lately it seems that the result of a whole lot of negative thoughts has made me numbnumbnumbnumbnumb.
and i still do not regret it.

i do not understand alot of things in life. my econs has made me realise that i may not want to do business. but probably do something like work in a disney company ahahaha. ok that was me fantasizing.
ive been coming home to nap after every paper, i woke up about 2hrs ago. i guess i should start revising now. last day tmr! and the spa on fri (will be getting back chinese A's :S)... and then hols! ^^ this is so excitingzxzxxzz.

`5:46 PM__;

Monday, March 03, 2008

i was awake from 11am ytd until 2pm today and i didnt experience any falling-asleep moments. i mean got feel tired but not zzzzz halfway type. and from 12-9am i was so nervous i went toilet more than 18 times in that 9 hours. really. but from 5-9, i was super agitated. like even the slightest movements of my surroundings would get me nuts.

time kinda stops when i have to study.
i will sort of lose touch with the world so that my brain will only rmb my school work.
and i screw up my sleeping times. even more. but when exams are over, i'm back in reality. like something that actually happened weeks ago could feel like it was just ytd. time flies. :( but so what?

and now that i've finally slept, i feel like sleeping somemore....... bloopbloopbloop.

`5:27 PM__;