maple leaves.

Friday, September 28, 2007

just a while ago, i had a talk with my mum.
it was an interesting talk.

i dont know why but i actually sort of liked talking to her for that few minutes. talking about my family is a horribly sensitive issue esp on my blog. so i shall not go into detail. but i hear its true that as a woman gets older, she becomes more... manly. whereas the male becomes more feminine. hahahha. talk about raging female hormones.
HAHAHAHA.

am i spoilt?
not anymore i think. other than the fact that my mum likes to call me sweetie. treatment wise - nope.

she thinks im very sensible. :D
and all the maids who've worked here always liked me. ^^ heh. okay.
ego's growing. --- change topic.

after promos or when the hols come, i THINK i'd like to try to spend some time with my parents. doing something we're all comfortable with.

P.S. my mother let me pon school ytd and today but i only ponned first half of today! heh. im such a good girl. :D okay. promos starts in 7 hours. bye.

`12:55 AM__;

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

yeah, of course! we how tight!

no wonder im suffocating. i cannot relax, im just turning off every now and then.

`12:41 AM__;

Sunday, September 23, 2007

i feel like im inflicting pain unto myself. mentally.
this inner conflict im going through.
that "seemingly" unbreakable barrier.

like how ive said before about what my heart wants to do vs. what my head tells me i should do.
i think it hurts.
it hurts alot.

`10:53 PM__;

my studying now very bad. .___. my motivations is like =.=

i died in school ytd and the day before.
ytd i slept through 40min of chem, slept in the hub for 1 hour on the table, and then i woke up felt damn cold, went to void deck study, and fell asleep. ......

then i went home, attempted to study but died.
i woke up at 11+ 12 today and ran with dajie. (we didnt feel much effect from the sun)
it was a super good run. and im so proud of her. she ran for 30min without walking! ^^

then i came home. and i wasted time.
and i watched tv from 5-1030. and lazed around until now.

i like this sms my Xcapt sent me in an attempt to rep the guys to wish the girls all the best for promos: "continue working hard, the end of all our suffering will be over soon. Last lap alr. SPRINT"... followed by that common dtsl which actually seemed to click quite well with the msg. (:

yep its the last week to the START of promos, i hope i can "SPRINT" after today. slacked wayy too much.
i know this sounds really childish but i want to watch loonatics unleashed series on youtube after promos and i like high school musical 2 - you are the music in me. heh. :D

`3:26 AM__;

Monday, September 17, 2007

okay, so we've signed up.
and lets just hope we live through the interviews. .__.
come what may. running shall always just be running.
nothing more, nothing less.

studying was so productive last night, but not today.
somehow i didnt fall asleep at all despite sleeping at 4. heh. (:
i hope my new plan works!

i feel intelligent, and yet, stupid. -.-

`10:30 PM__;

Sunday, September 16, 2007

:(, OGL? no?
as of now, probably yes! (:
and
there's that same problem again: how much do i want out from running?

i never ran for the team before, and ive never been as lousy as i am right now for the past 2-3 years. i sort of feel like a disgrace to Xcountry. i think i need more time than others to do well. like they say, 90% hard work, 10% talent. i already lack that 10% and i find it hard to use time for that 90%. so.. too bad la?
i thought i would want to actually run for the team at least once in my running life,
ive been reserve for 2 years, and yet i didnt make it in during my fastest year - so does that mean i'll make it in during my slowest year? (which may probably be next year.) ._. FAT HOPE.
then again i also didnt make it in this year. weird things always happen to me, and everyone else too i guess. but it always seems to be so significant in my life.
and then i came to a conclusion,
i shall not try to put in too much effort or be too bochap. when i get to run, jjust run, if i cant, then too bad. i dont know what i want out of running anymore. its like i want it but im not really that willing to put in the effort. passion dying out. but i still love long runs. i dont like contradicting myself but i always do.

anyhow, i found out being an ogl isnt so time consuming, so i'll sign up if i can convince yihui along. (:
sigh.

studies.
alot of people dread it, hardly anyone enjoys it. and well, how much do i want in life?
i told my mum just last night. i dont want to be too successful in life, i hate the competition, and i dont want to work too hard. as long as i can earn enough to support whoever i have to support, have time for other things i want to do, i'd be willing to settle for that. i dont mind taking up a nobrainer-job as a secretary, heh. i just dont want to come up with ideas.
of course economically speaking, consumers are assumed to make the choice that would maximise their wants. and they can choose to do very well => get high paying job => earn more money, and meet more of their wants right? well.. sort of..
it balances out, work more, you would have more wants/needs met.
work less, less wants/needs met.

same with making more promises, having more broken
and less promises, less broken.

i dont want to work too long or by the time i have the money for my trip to aurora borealis, i'll be old, i cant enjoy snow cos im too weak and frail.

and the cheapest way to getting money for my trip ---> save!
my spending has been flunctuating like mad. im quite lousy at prioritising what needs to be spent on, and what doesnt need spending on.

anyhow, its always like that.
i identify the problems in my life.
some, are just like that.
i've noted solutions to some, but the problem still remains a problem because i dont like the solution.
and then there are those unanswered questions i have about life i can keep on questioning, and yet still know i wont get an answer, or at least, an acceptable answer. so how?
just carry on living and think about something else la.

my inertia damn high. i wasted alot of time. cannot study. when i start, i fall asleep. -.-

i love my pw group. even if we dont get A i appreciate their effort. even though andrea didnt come today, she still showed some concern about how it went. i love my pw group. it was raining like mad earlier today, but rachel and titi still showed up. and i, the group leader, who was almost turned off by the rain, hoped that it'd be postponed to another day. but of course, i still went cos my group members arent gonna back out. and i must set good example. hahaha.

i want to watch arabian nights in november!! (:

`12:18 PM__;

Saturday, September 15, 2007

whoa. this week i was really inefficient in studying. .___. my resistance now very low. last time i can stay up and study, now i stay up i fall asleep within one hour of starting at home and then i die for the rest of the night. but now its math! so can catch up! ^^
NEED TO TAHANNNNNN LESS THAN ONE MONTH AND IT'D BE OVER!!!! LESS THAN ONE MONTH!!!! and i still have to much undone work. urghhh. i cant wait to get rid of everything on my to-do list. its very pressurising. and im taking too many breaks. >.<"

ohya. i like christina aguilera's back to basics too. (with relevance to prev entry.)

i had an interesting day in school today. the people i interacted with after school, felt like 1st 3 months all over again. managed to do some studying. oh how i love maths. it makes studying so so so much less stressful. -.-'' aiya but i still struggling to get A for exams. my chem actually beat my maths for terms. .___. and as i was saying.. the people today made me feel very de-stressed. it was nice and sweet. no fakeness in it at all. (:

and i caught up a little with tiff online! :D

on a really really depressing note: i have to wake up in 5 hours (which is a sat morning) and wake up at 6 on sunday. X__X ohh the horrorrrrrrs of waking up in the morning for 12 consecutive days (this mon to next fri). saddening. i think i wont join mg training next sat? ._.

MUST TAHAN TAHAN. 20 days to my last paper!! (excluding chem spa) must try to pass everything esp gp and econs!!! super worrying. =/

`2:49 AM__;

Thursday, September 06, 2007

over this study period, i've started listening to the many songs on my comp again. and i realise i cant listen to music and study. i always end up skipping songs rather than just listening and studying. -.-

today, we had our last trg. it was my first trg in 2 weeks. we ran to mgs and i died. and it was actually good though now my legs really hurt. i think everyone died. but we, sicklings who have just recovered, were the last few. -.- ok la im still coughing but i promised someone that i'll go today. today was an interesting day, carrying 2 bamboo poles into the mrt, econs mock, stay in sch and study/sleep/help abit with the subject info centre,
oh yes, i watched hairspray with erjie just a while ago. and i treated her everything. =/ but whattheheck i so long never spend time with her. movie was goooood, cute and funny. esp john travolta!!!! HAHAHA.

list of nice songs to hear: sarah mclachlan - angel, john mayer - no such thing, natalie imbruglia - counting down the days, westlife songs, and dotdotdot. they are really soothing and can actually put me to sleep, but theyre damn nice ok!

Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always some reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release

memories seep from my veins

let me be empty

and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of the angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

so tired of the straight line

and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lies

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of the angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

`2:01 AM__;

Monday, September 03, 2007

shit la ive been coughing like this for almost 2 weeks. @#$%^&*!!!!
ok i may sound really angry but im actually very happy about other things. heh. (:

`3:53 PM__;

last night i lied, today i also lied, but i had a productive time studying ytd! :) ---> aftermath: i crashed, and slacked the rest of the day after that. im supposed to be studying right now. -.- but i still havent started.
anyhow, celebrated dajie's early bday dinner at sushi tei today (damn good ^^), did some shopping with erjie around wisma.. and i managed to buy stuff. (: we were almost gonna watch hairspray but didnt. -.- prob on a weekday when shes free. =/

on a lighter/heavier note, i am an extreme spender. see, my spending habits are like this, its maintained at a really low amount but when i spend, it shoots up to a SUPER MAD amount -.-". however, at the beginning of this year, my spending has been fairly constant at a relatively high amount (maybe cos 1st 3months went out alot). then i got more cautious on my spending, and it went back to normal like sec sch.. and since march to july it was ok except sometimes damn crazy when i thought i was spending normally. then last month i tried to cut down in sch but @#$%^&*!!!!! wahbiangzzzz. i spent like 4x the amount i spent in july!! X__X ugh. i very angry. and im not exactly sure where i spent the 3x the amount on, but cant be in school i think. spending 4x the amount is very very VERY HEARTBREAKING. UURRRGGHHHH.

other than that, i spent the rest of my day before and after going out helping my mum cutting cloth/yarding(however you spell it) for some new table mats she intends on sewing up for the house. the maids and i had fun! heh. but i really saw it as a way to getting out of studying. and after that, at 1am, someone asked me to help her send music files to her phone. so i thought at first very easy but then my comp couldnt find her phone, and then like 3 hours later (now), it says its found the phone and needs the cd. -.- anw before that i thought i put the songs into my phone first then send to her.. so now its slowly slowly sending.......... and for some reason the sending has failed for some songs. BAAAHHHHH. @#$%^&*!!!! i blog alot this week. im gnna start studying soon. & may zzz halfway.

i love my dajie+erjie. (:

`4:18 AM__;

Saturday, September 01, 2007

today, i played the piano for the first time in ____months.

it felt damn gooooood.
playing songs i learnt from hearing,
playing my grade8pieces.

at first i forgot how my pieces sounded like.
then when i suddenly remembered,
i played all 7 pages of 2nd piece, and all 4 pages of the first pieces at one go as if i had just played them yesterday.

it was good. (:

`8:57 PM__;