i like jigsaw puzzles.
i like jigsaw puzzles.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
AHHH I THINK BRENDA'S ON THE PLANE RIGHT BACK TO SINGAPORE NOW, or she just arrived. AHH!!! :D :D :D
today i got the most torturous massage ever, i think i'll have to get it everyday, or once every 2 days. now my calves got blueblacks from it. and it really hurts. apparently the lumps in my shin are muscle strand knots.
AND TERMS HAS JUST ENDED.
and i am bloop.
and i am going for trg tmr afternoon. XD
and i have started becoming a tv addict again. -.-" now animal planet, discovery channel and national geographic are part of the lists of channels i enjoy watching. ilike watching the animal stuff, and all the nature stuff. :D so nice. its like going overseas at home. obviously, the real thing would be so much better. but i can do with this for now. (:
and i am going to watch cartoons on youtube before i go to bed now. .__.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
i was watching animal planet this afternoon and elephants are super cute and smart!!
As of today, i never really understood how people can just keep on talking and talking and takling and.. they just dont stop.
i dont know why, but i get tired of talking quite easily. most of the time i'm awake, i spend it observing.
and so sometimes i may tend to get a little too judgemental and critical but, they're just opinions anyway. not like what i say is really a fact or etc.
im having terms this week, and like o levels, i simply reply people who ask me hows the paper "i forgot".
but i didnt forget. its just that i always tell myself to pretend to forget the paper so that i can not think about it until i get it back. and that it wont get in the way of revising for the next exam.
though, today was chinese and i hve no paper tmr, so i sort of slacked the whole of today. -.-"
managed to catch up on alot of sleep. :)
anyway, though i just tell others "i forgot" how it went so as to not think much about it, i realised that im actually lying to these people.
and it happened again just a while back, someone asked me "how are you".
and i said "i dont know"
friend "how come can dont know"
and that really set me thinking, actually i do know, im really BLEAH and etc by everything just that i was too lazy to elaborate how i really was and i dont want to say im ok cos i dont really think i am, yet i just say i dont know cos i dont want you to know and im too lazy to reply. but thats as good as lying so i might a well just say im ok and get that topic of "how am i" over and done with. but lying indirectly just doesnt feel as bad as lying directly when its actually all just the same. .__.
i spent today slacking though i know should be revising on physics or something productive. but i was watching tv.
and while switching through the channels, i came across MTV, and watched a few new videos.
there's quite a common trend. and i realised that what was written in that gp compre i did for terms on monday is actually more true than i thought.
and there was also some irony. they interviewed a singer on one of her songs, and she was talking about the meaning of her song and etc. yet when i watched the video, the meaning was CLEARLY, not. there. at. all.
i cant spend my life watching tv.
but i can spend my life watching my favourite shows! (:
i also even bothered to read the news, and im actually quite fascinated by what iread.
my dog's in my room now, i think i need to spend more time with her.
she spends half of almost everyday following me and the rest of the time sleeping or wandering round the house on her own. its about time i give her some attention. (:
Monday, June 25, 2007
i've been thinking about the past.
and i feel as though i've made alot of wrong decisions.
but the end has yet to come so i cant say it too early.
however, as of today.
it all feels wrong.
i came here cos its near,
i came here cos of the cross team too,
i came here cos my sis did relatively well here.
but. i go to school like its further than mg. -.-
my running is super screwed i cant deny it.
academically, i'd wish the teachers gave us more practice than teach us new things. but so far, though its been kinda sucky, the result doesnt look to hopeless yet.
and the environment isnt working too well for me.
as much as i'd like to regret, i dont want to. people make wrong turns in life, and i have yet to see the result though it may seem so. everything feels so screwed. and running's been a big part of my life ever since joined cross.
and my running now is like PURE shit. everytime i go for trg, something ALWAYS happens to my leg before i even finish drills. feels shitty. but i spoke to our asst coach today, i'd just attend sat trgs till track natls end.
i feel like a bad, lousy secretary. eversince i joined cross, i made it a point never to pon trg. and i also thought that position would make me more motivated to go for trg cos i have to record attendance, but im missing more trgs than i ever did in my running life! (the ankle sprain thing not counted cos i swam instead.) my passion for running is dying out. im really losing it, and i dont want to. its like holding the end of the thread and i just dont want to let go of it. this is pointless.
i can only continue to hope, that after track season, i'd finally be able to train normally, do the same workout as everyone (other than just long runs) and be injury/ill-free.
anyway, as of what i said earlier, it does seem like the grass is greener on the other side. but, i should appreciate how green the grass here already is. i'll go colourblind, or just make sure it rains more. then i'll see more green green grass. hohum.
beh. ECONS MATHS ECONS MATH
THEN CHEENA CHINESE
AND CHEEM CHEEM PHYSICS. ha. then occupy myself at AH on friday. followed by caoyu, amanda tiff outing, brenda chong jing jing, and incomplete hwk. -.-
whoo. maybe i love my life, maybe i dont right now.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
heh.
i have used the word "i" alot of times.
and im not stopping, and i dont like it
today, the whole world was almost uncontactable, i was dying at home. and i had to send like one single msg that took up 4 smses to about >100 people .
i'd be so humoured when i look at my phone bill. .__.
and im changing,
from what tiff said :
like yo'ure falling into this....'being someone you dont wanna be' and cant get out of it
like you've no control over yousrself
WHY is this happening
WHY am i having so much inner conflict
HOW can i get out of it.
i sound like im almost feeling sorry for myself. and as much as i'd love to get out of it, i dont knowwhy i cant.
one minute my mind's set on this, then suddenly i make last minute changes and not do it and then it makes me feel all yucky no matter which decision i make.
oh my, i just cant wait for the school year to end. i cant wait for my 6 months break after A levels. i feel so tortured.
Friday, June 22, 2007
i want to, but i dont want to. =/
poo, im taking forever to resume studying eversince i took a break at 5+. got my last 1.5 chpts tostudy for terms (consisting of forces and dynamics) and then i'd be done! must finish tonight!! ahhh.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
i was just reading some of my first few entries in early 2005 and realised that,
i was very very disciplined compared to now.
all those problems i had then,
i still remember.
i read that,
after i come home from school/trg, i'd always finish my hwk and go to bed before 11pm.
and i never felt better at myself.
(except for always missing 970)
HOWEVER...
though i've changed in some ways, i still love getting to train, esp in mac ritchie. :) and i started loving nature even before sec 3! (:
i swore to myself after that one week break, i'd go for all trainings no matter what, despite my lousy state right now. and today, i sort of had a minor hip problem that seemed rather problematic. =/ and i think i still could have ran and not say anything about it. but i did say something. sigh, i hope i dont do it again. i felt so pissed at myself. i keep getting some physical pain somewhere all the time. wahbianggg. then had to leave cos of physics which i dont regret going for.
after reading my early entries, i'm more motivated to be less slacky now.
and heres a list of not impossibly obtainable goals:
- attend all trainings from now onwards + complete workouts (ONLY next week may have exceptions)
- do as i plan
- do not procastinate
- avoid taking cab, or the lazy way back home.
- get enough sleep and prevent myself from falling sick
- DONT BE LAZY
- do all these without making people think i'm stressing myself out.
for the last point - i realise lately people have been telling me to CHILL, and relax and i've been having alot of inner conflict and i vented it out to 3 caring people today. i would say im quite blessed to have so many listening ears. and not to mention my wonderful cousin's company today. though i dont get to do things with/see these people everyday, they still rock. i love these people.
aiya im super tired now. again. better hurry study physics before i KO again and become behind schedule.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
im so mean. so much shit comes out of my stupid mouth.
im so low, i just keep getting lower.
im so angry i dont want to go for physics tmr.
im so tired, but i cant sleep now.
im so sick of it, it never works out okay.
im so impatient, i need to be patient.
i have such low self esteem thats why im getting nowhere.
hence, i will try to
- refrain from talking unless its work related.
oh. my. gosh. why didnt anyone tell me earlier it was so obvious.
in fact, not a single soul came up to me to tell me about it. i only realised it myself.
i need a friend who'd criticise me frankly. and the one friend who does, doesnt see it.
well, at least now im more motivated.
i need to be a better person then i'll stop feeling so horrible.
i managed to nap 3-4 hours. now that im gna study, i feel like sleeping again. ......
Monday, June 18, 2007
i just came back from camp.
i dont think i ever felt so cold in singapore.
it was FREEZING, and i dont know why, but when i woke up today and only the fan was on, it was FREEZING too. like winter.
im tired, camp was good though, i just spent quite abit of time being really zombiefied cos i didnt sleep on friday night. and i only slept fo 6 hours on sat night plus about 2 more hours during our break ytd. i had a good sleep last night though, if it werent for trg i'd probably have woken up 6 hours later. but i dont regret going for trg. today's trg was fun. :) we ran for 25min, took a break exploring kent ridge park for 40min and then ran back in about 20min. :D
----------------
anw, on friday night/saturday morning, it was quite interesting cos at 5+am, i got a really unexpected call from leticia hahaha then suddenly the doorbell rang! i got abit freaked out but the maid got up and said it was the newspaper heh.
then i tried to sleep for abit but i couldnt, went for trg on sat, did long run, got lost -.- (last time i ran there was 2 weeks ago), got drenched in the rain, went home shower and headed to woodlands. camp on the first day abit sian. heh. but it was quite alright, i made friends with people from other jcs and on sunday i got to go to tampines to collect newspapers and old clothes. the flats were quite empty leh, and it was quite obvious some ppl purposely never answer door. but it was still fun anyway. x) then the rest of it wasnt much, got to learn about HIV/AIDS and kids suffering of hunger overseas and what they had to do just to earn money. it was quite sad really, i wouldnt mind sponsoring a kid with a friend or like getting to go overseas to help someone. visit them/the kid a few times a year or something. my life is so full of things they dont have. i could do with a change.
it is really nice to help someone like them. makes me feel like i have something better to do in life rather than just aim toward "success" (ie work hard to earn $$$). its like a win-win situation. i help them i feel more accomplished and good and they can do with a better life! hehhehehe. and i just got 30 hours of CIP muahahaha.
then after camp last night, wah. i ended up taking mrt with leticia from woodlands. on a normal day, its quite ok. but i was really dreading it cos i thought we might have to stand in the train and i was super exhausted, i felt too lazy to walk to woodlands mrt and walk home from the mrt. i was really gumpy feeling cold and tired. so i just kept quiet but my face seemed abit moody though i didnt notice it till leticia was asked me whether i was ok. heh. but i ended up going anyway, managed to get seats and sleep in the train ride and then went i got home, showered and zonked out in bed bfore 11 i think.
yup and then i woke up for trg and now im back i think im gonna sleep then wake up start studying again. zzz.
brenda's coming on the 30th!!! :D i cant wait to see her. its like counting down the days to her arrival = counting down the days to the end of terms. x)
Friday, June 15, 2007
i am so. disappointed.
i think i only blog when im feeling horrible maybe thts why posts are all so. bleh.
im going on a camp. over the weekend.
(ie no studying for 2 days!)
i feel like nothing trying to get something out of nothing.
it cant be that meaningless right? =/
and i always get mad at the person for being so inconsiderate and mean and idiotic and.. its like its decided already and why NOW then you want to back out?!
or maybe i am just being self centred. i dont know where the problem lies really. i always keep thinking its you but maybe its me. but aiyah. this is getting nowhere. i'll just never make a promise with you again.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
SO, today i had an interesting short convo with a friend. it lasted for minutes only. but its made me realise what it means to being serious. i've only "sort of" been serious.
it wont work if i dont feel like that.
i dont get econs. i studied the first notes, understood only a little better but still sucks. why cant i memorise it like physical geog or chem. its as hard-to-absorb as human geog! btw, shrek 3 is good! i find it better than the 2nd.
and my break's over. im dying to run right now.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
SICK OF IT ALL yet...
if i had the life of my own,
if i had a great source of money,
my life would consist of
TOO BAD I DONT HAVE SUCH FREEDOM, MONEY (nor do i have knowledge on how to take care of myself).
so i shouldnt dream of it anymore.
good things dont come easy.
and i'll get my ultimate holiday only in like
.
.
.
.
.
a long time, or never. :(
hopefully, i'll be able to experience all that before i die! (: but it'll be more fun to experience it at my age now. hmm... =/
i should be a robot.
then i wont know what it feels like to dream, hope for something i cant get.
its so.. saddening thinking of what i have to face with right now. i cant let the education system here make me WANT to do well or anything. i dislike it, and i only study so that i have higher chances of getting a good job in the future then i can support myself (&family?). it makes me not want to feel though i know i cant control that. i can only act like it. but im sick of acting. and im sick of reality.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
im starting to isolate myself from the whole world like o levels. just that its not so serious yet, haha im going to school tmr to study with jasmine, andi still wanna watch shrek 3 and fantastic 4. but i dont think i have enough time. i've wasted quite abit already.
i miss living with my sisters. i miss doing things with them.
its like even though i stayover, i still do my own thing. they do theirs.
i miss the relaxed life i once had. IM ACTUALLY STUDYING DURING THE JUNE HOLIDAYS! X_X ah. i guess i'll wait for nov/dec to come and A levels to end. ive got plans already! :D
heh i studied till 9am today and woke up at 4. could have just gone for trg without sleeping.
but i decided to rest my leg for about a week, i realise i keep complaining about something about my leg to yihui almost every trg. .__. so yah. then after that i'll be good and go for trg and hopefully the complaining will stop and i wont fall sick and i wont have a single "0" for attendance. besides, the doctor says my leg's better now. (: but the break's also cos i feel i've been trg rather half-heartedly. so prob after this i'll be more motivated in trg. (:
for some reason i find it really conducive to study when the whole world's asleep. and when they're awake, i'll be quite distracted/falling asleep.He's a one stop shop with a real big uhHe's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman [x3]
Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine [x2]Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine [x2]Jane lost her grip an a-down she fell [x2]Squared herself away as she let out a yell [x2]
i love her voice and i think these lyrics are cute.ok i shall go study now.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
i got really psyched up about doing work, i stayed up till 6am last night and i only finished one piece of work ytd. -.- (thats partly cos after trg, i took out all my work and slept for 4hrs before i started)
and i woke up at 345.
and im going to be behind my mini timeplan. boo. oh well hopefully i can be more productive today. i'll prob leave some work to do after terms. =/
i want to buy dvds for pirates of the carribean! but i dunno if its really true that there'll be a 4th and 5th movie? or maybe my friend was just joking with me. .__.You were right
And I don't wanna be here
If your gonna be there
Was that supposed to happen
I'll hold tight
I'll remember to smile
Though it has been a while
And without you does it matter There's no room
No place to start
When our souls are apart I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I'm counting down the days
How've you been
It's just the usual here
And days are feeling like years
And every day's without you
Now I cry
Just a little too much
When I think of your touch
And everything about you
I feel cold
I'm in the dark
When our souls are apart
I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tightI'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I'm counting down the days
I'm counting down the days
I'm counting down the days
I'm gonna be your surprise
I'm gonna hold you so tight
Yeah
I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
I'd hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
I'd hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
A million miles away from here
Natalie Imbruglia - Counting Down The Days
Friday, June 01, 2007
mm things dont justwork like that.
its saturday tomorrow.
i like pirates of the carribean.
amanda . brenda . cao yu . cassandra . danielle . diane . esther . felicia . grace . jamie . jasvir . jen . jerlyn . leah . leticia . liselle . lynn[dajie] . mel lee . mel poh . melody . MgX . natasha . petrina . rachel . sarah . shi you . su yee . tiffany . valerie[erjie] . vanessa . yi hui . yoon sann . zhuan yi .
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