maple leaves.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

im worried, tired, worried, worried , depressed, worried, sad, worried, worried, scared, worried, unhappy, worried, worried, afraid, worried, worried, worried. =/ :( :( :( :((((

i think blogging isnt good for me. i should stop.

`10:30 PM__;

Monday, March 19, 2007

oh well. i hope i dnt regret changing back to pCME. i couldnt visualise myself taking h2 phy. and i feel damn bad to the admin people for such inconvenience caused. bah.
anw i dont think i'll regret it though alot of people i know with 8points and below are taking 4 H2s. ok. enough with the subject combi prob. ITS OVER.

iwas damn tired today, really really need to buck up for piano. my exam's next monday! :S today aftr school i went for piano and then back to school for training. SOO TIREDD. but i finished the workout, relatively happy. i love training. i just hope my eagerness to train will come back, today i wanted to stop halfway but i ended up just doing my 3rd set at a slower pace. i dont know whats wrong with my muscle around my shin/calves. its like ... i dont know. anyway i'd still say training today was good, i just need to improve on my attitude.
maybe if i mprove my attitude in studies, my attitude for running will improve too.

we did mental trg after that today, quite nteresting, i ALMOST fell asleep in the middle though but yeah i visualised the route, prob faster than what he timed though. and we're gona have an ice bath every monday! whoo! except next mon, im missing trg for my exam. i HAVE TO PASS. must practise tmr, thurs, fri, sat, sun. shedoesnt want me to train this week at all. =/ maybe wed if i come home early enough i'll practise too.

i watched stomp the yard ytd, quite cool, not that bad.. but not say amazing.
i cant stand my mind lately. i've been feeling rather black-faced, moody, easily annoyed. but no not pmsing. just feeling rather down..
and i sense my laziness, and my new problem of dealing with decision making. i've been having trouble making decisions (not just my subject combi), and after the decision made, my mind still feels abit =/.. but yeah im 99.9989898% sure i wana stick with pCME.

i spoke to a friend about feeling so vulnerable and etc in jc. likehow come i cant see things the way i used to, and i want to stick to my old way of seeing things but i'm cant. and my friend's reply: "thats growing up", "you cant stay young forever". nyeh, i dont like growing up, but complaining wont help, I STILL JUST HAVE TO FACE IT NO MATTER WHAT. i know once i become disciplined, my problems will probably decrease, i'll be less guilty about being slacky and i'll be less moody. so why isnt it tempting enough fr me to rid of my laziness! grr go away lazy me. let the cool hardworking freak back in!

`10:31 PM__;

Sunday, March 18, 2007

its the hols, but school's been on my mind everyday.
i've had great rest. haha except ytd. i raced, improved, abit odd though, leg still needs recovery, nice seeing tiff, mgX, SQ.
went to school with leticia after that. im really in sb1.
now i know 5 ppl in sb1. hehh, but i think even if i like the class i'll really drop back to physics h1.
i'm quite set on that. cos i kinda took 4 h2s for a few nonsense reasons. =/ and even though 4h2s is more advantageous for my future, plus i get to work with extra good people, i think i'm better off with pCME. i feel its.. more suitable for me. and i just dont feel ready to go that extra bit.

i see it the same way i saw trip and double sci now. and i have friends who did better than me in sec2 didnt cope as well and do as well for o's. and ya lah i know its just my horrible mindset, but i stil feel more suited to h1 phy. im convincing myself quite well to take h1 phy now as compared to when i tried to convince myself to take h2 phy. hehh.

anyway, the horrible timetable is also getting into myhead, and how muhc work i DIDNT do or understand from first 3 months. so haha i think assbones are too good. even if i start to like the class, i think i'll eally change. i still have a tiny bit of doubt, but majority part of me is rootig fr h1 phy. i dont mind if they dont put me back in sa6, i just dont wanna go to that class. haha.

ok so after we left school, i went to pam's place to celebrate titi's bday. he's so sweet! anw somehow it didnt feel like the last time i was seeing pae sa6. it was nice seeing them again last night.
theni went off early, cos of trg this morning. hahaha but i couldnt sleep till 3++am. -.-
ended up waking up at 7, and we did long runtoday! iwas feeling damn lethargic at first, and my left foot was really not ok at one pointof time. esther was nice enough to pace me for like the first 50min until SICC big rock, so i was happy i had someone to run with. and i was also glad that she was ok with me going easy. i was really tempted to run a shorter route but i decided not to cos i'll be really slacking alot as everyone's doing the whole thing plus 5x slopes. ALSO, i'd get to run back from sicc to the end if i completed the route! i really missed that route so badly i really wanted to run it again, the moment i reached there today, i startd going faster. hahahaha it was GOOODDD. :D :D :D and then i found it quite sweet when sq and i greeted each other today.

then a few of us went to adam hawker centre first for lunch, then i walked home with leticia from there. about 1+hour. i was supposed to do work today but i didnt. poot. napped from 7-10+pm and the time i spend on the comp is really scaring me now.

i've spoken to quite a no. of people. most speak on how jc is a new phase of life.. new school, new friends, teachers, environment, etc. i'm starting to get differen feelings towards things, my point of view is changing abit, i also feel more accepting of certain things. but no i WIL NOT accept laziness. my current probem. bleh, and i feel so vulnerable toward certain things because now that i see some things differently than i used to, i feel lik stickingto my old POV. and its giving me a hard time to make decisions. im becoming more fickle now. bah. i nappd so late i dont feel like sleeping now. =/

`2:30 AM__;

Thursday, March 15, 2007

i want to run my heart out.
i want to run without injuries.
i want to keep training consistently and improve.
i dont want my injurieS to sound like excuses to get out of trg.

so therefore,
step 1: accept the fact that i have injuries.
step 2: DEAL WITH IT PROPERLY.
step 3: patience.
but then, im still gona race tmr. .__.
i cant stand being injured, i cant stand slacking for TOO LONG.
i shall go ice my leg now and attempt to read abit of gp. i think i've finally exploded.

`9:44 PM__;

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

im annoyed ad irritated with a friend who didnt do anything wrong. or maybe i feel like shes trying to control me. or im just being an ass.
gahhhh. i need ALOT OF time with myself. im quite sick of going out.
anyway, ive been slacking too much. im gonna explode again soon and start being super duper disciplined. i think.

and i think i've decided.
during trg today, i couldnt feel myleft foot again. at first i thought of stopping trg after the race this fri, i even considered quitting cross cos of my injuries.
but im damn irritated and frustrated. and my final decision: just heck the pain. cos now i can tahan it already when i run. its not as bad as before. so even if t comes back during trg, still hurts, just run. and im gonna heck about 100% recovery. and also hope that i dont ever reach a state when i can neverrun again for the rest of my life.
everywhere i walk, my rght knee hurts. esp up & down stairs.
my trg today was quite bad (performance wise), but compared to the usual gyming and mnday's, i finished the whole workout, i did the same as everyone else but slower, so i guess i should be satisfied & glad. i just need time to come back.

today i thought i should spend some time with my sisters. and so i did! i managed to talk to erjie online for abit. and i watched happily never after with dajie. it was good&funny. worth my money. :) and im so happy now so many ppl owe me money cos im kinda broke?
ok actually im not happy. i've kinda been in a black mood lately and i'm not too sure why. but the spending-quality-time-with-sisters today was really good. i love my sisters.
im going to stay with dajie for the next 11 days starting tmr.

`10:01 PM__;

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

bah. i still cant upload photos onto blogger. GRRRR.
anyway heckthat. lets start with orientation 2! on wed, we had "lessons" that werent really lessons. i think i ponned something.. but then again maybe not. the econs lecturer didnt show up. and i found mellee, jo & shu wen! :D
but now mellee has appealed back into pj sO.. UGHH.
and there are friends i'm still hoping who'd get THE CALL to come into ac. poo.

ok, then thurs was orientation. quite happy to see some og ppl again.. and mainly, 2 new ones. then i went home showered, ad brought my stuff back to school cos of the stayover. when i got to school, i only saw most of the j1s. hahaha then they actually taught me the mass dance, and i played table tennis in an anyhow-ed method and then we played frisbee in the dance studio heheheheh. then played cards for a bit and briefing and then i plopped into the sleeping bag at 10+ i think.
woke up at 415 and we had an amazing GOOD GOOD LONG RUN in the dark. whoo! i loved it. and then my knee started giving me problems so i didnt stride. -.- and for th rest of the day i was quite dead during orientation. i couldnt be as enthu as i wanted to be. i didnt feel like playing games, felt so tired and stoned. fell asleep in the first few talks and announcements. but i managed to rest abit. we wentto KAP and then vic's house for og time. after that i was realy really dead during the start of campfire. but then i kinda woke up when we had to do mass dance and etc.. then a few of us went to holland V, talked, and i got home at 12, slept at 1+.

i wanted to go for trg on sat, but then when iwoke up at 1, i realisd my knee was still not quite alright so i accompanied teo to schoo gym. then we went to the cafe, and the venezia at 6th ave -.-" afterwhich i met leticia at queensway where i got my interesting new specs! :D

sunday, i watched music and lyrics! OOO I LOVE ITT i even had the song ringing in my head duing training ytd hahaha. we walked aroun orchard for abit, then i ate at new york new yorkfor the frst time! quite nice :D but abit ex. =/ oh yeah and sunday, was the first tme in a LONG LONG time i ate popcorn. it was good. x)

but i have no idea why, trg on monday was so screwed up.
i was looking forward to doing intervals. going to train with them again fter SOO long with no injuries (apart from the long run last fri) but when i did the drills, warm up, and started the intervals. i just felt so tired, drained, no mood to even try to push. i couldnt even push and i knew i wasnt even trying at all. grr. though im quite hppy i finished at least half the workout. i guess its bettr than nthing. bu i felt so bad when i watched them running. when itried to run, i really just couldnt. like i was really turned off by everything. =/ so confusing.
i think it turned out like that cos i slept too much or something. friday night 11hrs, sat night, 13hrs, sun night 10.5hours.
oh but anyway, WE HAD AN ULTRA COOL ICE-BATH!

ok so afer trg ytd, leticia was gonn stayover, so we went to have dinner at subway anchopoint and then walked to her place and then to my place lol. we didnt do much, spent more time talking, and being big kpohs. hahahha. then we both couldnt sleep, ended up sleeping after 3am? and we both woke up at 12 today. slacked around.. and oh well. thatsabout it. it sounds boring but the topics we talked about were quite interesting! and we found out something evil someone did! she actually posted pctures of OUR friends saying that she was one of the girls which is SONOTTRUE! and she gave our friends fake names! hahaha. and im 100% sure that leticia&i were both not mistaken. i think i'll prob actually start doing some work today and practise somemore piano now. i actually noticed some progress in my 3rd piece. :D

sometimes i confuse myself on how i actually bother to blog out every single little thing i do everyday. WHY DO I EVEN DO IT! ... maybe its cos im realy damn bored now and have lots of free time to myself later. -.- its raining quite heavily now. i hope its not/it doesnt get wet at turf city tmr morning. poo.
on a lighter note, i've learnt alot of things over the past week. how life can be just the way it is, how peole experience changes we thought would never happen to us, how suddenly we can change our opinions on things that we strongly felt about.
well i for one, have been quite a meanie. i've been rather judgemental about certain things and i hope i dont ever say things like that again.

`6:05 PM__;

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

poo. i'm tired, i want to sleep, but im stuck in a dilemma.

SO i did something just now, and i thought, IS IT REALLY PEER PRESSURE, or is it just concern for a friend? =/ i dunno lehhh.

aiya its so what one i dont feel like doing anything lah. ugh. frustrating. then maybe i'll just take out my phone batt or turn it off, avoid all phone calls, smses. hahahaha and then NOBODY CAN contact me and i'll do whatever i want! BWAHAHAHHA. im so good, mean&evil. hahaha poot. i'll prob wont ed up doing it though.

today marked the last day in ac for some, and tmr's a holiday cos of posting results. and 2nd intake comes on wed. and its march hols next week. how time flies.. GRR.

`1:22 AM__;

Sunday, March 04, 2007

hahahha alot of weird new things has happened since i last updated. (which was actually about 24 hrs ago hahaha) gosh my lfe is so damn interesting! -.- (e.g. 25 rounds on the track at 5am alone, talking on the phone till 5am and decide togo for trg at 2pm on impulse after waking up at 1.15pm, walkinghome from 6th avenue which took 3 hours inclusive of a 40min break)

ok but anw i still havent stopped thinking about 4h2s.
aye my class is gonna spend our last few days together as a whole as O2 approaches.. :(
and that weird thought too. i think i should start thinking otherwise about it. -.-" so maluuuuu.

anyway this was what happened in the interesting past 24hours i had.
i napped from 9pm-12am last night, showered and then spoke to leticia on the phone from 2-5am. i went to bed with the intention of not going for trg cos i thought my leg wasnt that ready to run and i was still sick and was afraid it'd rain.
then i woke up at 1.15pm thanks to a phone call, and then leticia called me and said something like "i feel like going for training" and then there was "go leh" (i think those werent her exact words) then i noticed it was really sunny and unlikely to rain plus i forgot i was sick so i said "ok!" hahaha and we shared a cab to turf which almost went to mac ritchie. so ended up taking a detour nd had to pay extra $$. :(

and here's the surprising bit. my leg didnt hurt at all during the run,
im damn happy,
it rained for a tiny bit but it was pretty light.
and i havent really been training but i actually improved by 25s. though my timing still quite shitty but im quite happy for now. and i even did the hill trg which makes me extra happier cos i did the same workout as everybody else. :D

then after trg, quite a no. of us took the shuttle bus towrds clementi. then a few of us dropped off at 6th ave there. then out of impulse and randomness, leticia and i just walked al the way home from 6th avenue. it was GREATTT.

we walked and talkd from 6 to 6.45 when we stopped by swensens at holland v for a break, thn continued our walk at 7.25 till.. 8+. we walked pass home, and then walked round stirling view hahaha and then we split up at anchorpoint but we still had so much stuff to talk about.
quite amazing.. hahahah and next time we intend to walk all te way home from MR or turf city. :D:D:D my feet kinda hurt now.
and my new injury at my knee which only hurts when iwalk or cycle, is starting to hurt more often. -.-"

tmr i will try to get some hwk done, hopefully stay at home for the whole day cos ive been going out everyday. and i'll have some time with piano. ^^ plus felicia's gonna come over. x)

`12:16 AM__;

Friday, March 02, 2007

just less than 3 days ago, i had a new thought. a weird thought.
it makes me feel weird.
----
im super bored now so im just gonna rant on what's happened lately.
so much has been happening i only rmb what has happened since school ended on wednesday. lets see... it rained, and 6 of us went to the gym for trg. it was kinda fun.

and on thurs, founder's, i actually fell asleep. i thought mg gave me good practice not to sleep during founder's.. but i still did -.-"
then a few of us went out to far east.. had lunch and went to my classmate's house at holland and played for a bit, then i left at 5++. met fiona at the mrt and then i brought her home for a while cos she was waitingggg... and then i showered blahblah nad packed then i left at 7.
i ended up reaching school at 8 with chun ming but we wernt the last. haha. i was damnnnnnn tired.

lights were out at 10, i fell asleep almost immediately though we were just sleeping on the wooden floor. i slept pretty well! :D it was freezing. usually i'd have difficulty sleeping, but i was SO tired i just zzzz.

ok! then my alarm rang at 4, woke up with my neck hurting.. the lights were on pretty fast nd etc. got ready, then we left school. i wanted to stay in school to run on the track but since nobody else was staying behind i decided to go with them with the fear that i wouldnt be able to last the run cos i havent been running for a while.
(oh yes, i have a new annying injury at the outerside of my right knee. -.- my shin one's gone, but the left foot inflammation thingy's been on and off.)
so... within 10min of the run, leticia had some shin pain and i decided to turn back with her at the traffic light and head abck to school. then i thought that maybe i could still run, so i was intending to do 5x 5rounds on the school track. but when i started running, i started thinking instead of 5x 2km, i thought of doing 2x 5km, but as i continued to run, i endedup doing 25 rounds at one go in the dark. lollllll. it wasnt very fast though. but anw, if i can do it, i bet anyone also can lah. its quite shiok.

i think i miss long runs too much. thats why i didnt get bored running 25 roundson the track by myself (its a new feat!), nor doing 3.3km girlsroute x 3 in mr. poooooo. after that 25 rounds, striding felt damn good. and i finished after everyone ended (cos we walked back when we turned back so i startd 20+min after everyone did) so i was the last to do stretching and go shower. but we were all pretty quick, had an interesting breakfast, packed up, returned the sleeping bags and then we went for assembly.

hahaha, i ended up falling asleep in front of my teacher during chem tutorial but she didnt bother to wake me up cos she was just going thrugh and i did managed to understand what i couldt understand in that chpt. i like my chem teacher. x)
and today, econs was weird, and funny. hahahahha i laughed really hard and i actually paid attention! and this time, in steadof undersanding 1% of the lesson, i understood like 5-10%!! :D
but ah, i didnt get to sleep during any of mybreaks. bleah. i think i can just fall asleep right now if i go to bed.

but now i feel like calling up a friend, or call leticia walkwalk. lol.
after sch today, i wanted to stone around, but the only person who was free was teo and she needed to go chnatown to do something. so.. out of boredom, i just accompanied her and shared her pain in the rain and carrying our heavy bags (inclusive of the sleepoverstuff) and feeling her disappointment in not being able to get what she wanted to buy. OH WELL. i think its better than stoning at home alone.

its been raining heavily, i dont think i'll go trg tmr though ikinda want to... was told to go gym do that thingyyy. =/
i dont know whats with me lately but i've been getting quite impulsive thoughts and just doing as what i suddenly think of. =/ its creepy. and what i thought of today is... SHOULD I TAKE 4H2s? then end of year i drop to either econs or phy h1. if i take 4 h2s, i.e. ill be leaving sa6... =/ AHHh i think i might come up with the same conclusin and not do anything. or maybe i would. X_X

`7:59 PM__;