maple leaves.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

from his emails, articles over the year and few months...

"It's a Dream until you begin. Then it's a Goal."

"Wise [persons] learn by others' mistakes, fools by their own. "
Henry George Bohn

"time is not wasted in days and hours, but in minutes and seconds."

"Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of intelligent effort."
John Ruskin

"It is the athlete who makes the schedule, never the schedule that makes the athlete"
Percy W Cerutty

"No one plans to fail, many fail to plan"

"I can accept failure.
Everyone fails at something.
But I can't accept not trying."
-- Michael Jordan

"knowing is one thing, doing is another"

"Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture.
It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs."
Vaclav Havel

"Prevention is better than cure."

"Some people are so fond of bad luck
they run half way to meet it. "
Douglas William Jerrold 1803-1857, British Playwright

"In life, we choose whether or not we want to be a winner or a loser.
To be a winner, we must devote time and hard work.
To be a loser you do nothing, and that's exactly what you will get, nothing."
Patrick Boles

"If your mind can conceive it and your heart can believe it, you can achieve it."

--------------------------
and from an article which may actually help me in, (im just cutting out some bits of it)

"To improve performance, you have to start by fortifying the mind"
Frank Horwill

"I start each day by saying "I'm going to enjoy this day" and then I ask myself "Whom can I help today?'" This is a good philosophy for all sportspeople to adopt.

Sporting performance should always be put into perspective. If an Ethiopian athlete during the height of his country's terrible famine were to run into a Red Cross relief camp and exclaim, "I've broken the 5,000 metres world record", there would be little interest unless he was carrying a bag of flour. The word "recreation" literally means recreating our mind and body. Because we can, we should. If we enjoy sport we will enjoy it more if we get better at it. Improving involves the allocation of time.

We are at our physical peak in sport for about five years, although we may compete in one way or another for 25 years. This means that every training session is a precious piece of our time. It is an investment which will pay dividends in the future. The more we invest, the better the return.

Training must have a point. It is a journey towards a destination, a fixed point in our minds. The terminus must be both reachable and challenging.
This may take several weeks, months or even years. We are still travelling towards our destination; it may be long and difficult but we must stick to the route.

Do more of what you dislike
a very important maxim for fortifying the mind: whatever you most dislike in training and racing, DO MORE OF IT. Derek Ibbotson disliked sprinting, and consequently he was outsprinted in many races. He decided to spend a winter with his club's sprint group in addition to his normal cross-country training. He became one of the fastest finishers ever in mile races. He also broke the mile record.

Training the will-power
Oscar Wilde summed up the weak-willed aptly when he said: "I can resist everything except temptation". Athletes have to resist certain excessive social behaviour patterns which are accepted as the norm. This is defensive use of the will. Can we go on the offensive? We can - and in doing so improve our performance.

A middle-aged female took up running for the marathon. She had not participated in sport of any kind for 25 years. She was told to run for one minute and each successive day to add a minute. Because she had such a short stride, her leg strength was tested by making her hop 25 metres. She took 22 hops to cover the distance (world-class middle-distance runners can do it in nine). She was told to do hopping exercises every other day. After 100 days this woman was running for 100 minutes and had reduced her total hops to 15. The secret of her success was to start with a very minor challenge and to build on it. Many start too ambitiously and break down, giving the will a severe dent in the process.

To sum up fortifying the mind
1. Start each day with a declaration of intent: "I am going to enjoy this day".
2. You can run; many cannot and will not run. Some have never known what it is like to run. Make the most of it while you can.
3. You can train every day for at least one hour. There is no excuse not to.
4. Train with a goal in mind.
5. The method of achieving this goal must involve rehearsing the activity and aids to that activity.
6. Competition must not only include the specific event but other events which will test endurance and speed.
7. Exercise your will specifically by devoting time daily to the task you dislike most in training - or to a known weakness. Start small and progress.

A competition is a competition; if you have trained diligently and intelligently and done your best, you have succeeded. You are only a failure if you have not done these things.
Frank Horwill
---

and so it ends, i realise now why he has said nothing about it. because everyone HAS the potential to do what they want. its just a matter of time, and determnation. i think i pasted less than half of the article really, but this is a reALLY LONG ENTRY!
i'd respect whoever read the full thing frm top to bottom at one go. hehh. my erjie wants to spend the day stoning. like me, she's exhausted. but i'd rather she come home. i also want to spend the day at home stoning. slept for 15hours and woke up at 3! no wonder i felt so bleah ytd. havent slept that well in ages. anw, i just realised that ALOT of mg girls are going to ac after talking to an old classmate online... and so the year ends.

`4:50 PM__;

Saturday, December 30, 2006

i said i THINK i should stop blogging, but it wasnt exactly official.
i was saying too many wrong things which made me think i should stop. but i'm going to change abit on what i'm blogging and its going to be so boringggggg im pretty sure no one will read it.

i walked home, the sky was dark. i stared at the ground, continued to look ahead.
and walked
and walked
and walked.
poooooooo.

people to be thankful for.
i've been a fool.
i am a fool.
i am a monster.
and i am what my mind says i am.
i know when it doesnt lie.

my mind's been thinking abitoff lately. it seems to be making feel that these headaches i'm having are just excuses. i want to hideaway.
but i shouldnt. FOCUS! theres more to what meets the eye, and there'll always be.
maybe what i learnt today is really true.

theres a sentence thats been popping up in my headquite frequently. i've been really pessimistic lately. "i shouldnt exist". part of me really agrees with it, but another part of me feels otherwise. maybe i'm too free, though i havent felt the least bit bored this holidays really. should prob spend more time doing other things. my mind will be more occupied. probably this thought will come back to my head again one day, after all the work has been done... and one day i'll be able to deal with it.

i dont want to sleep. but yet i feel really tired. i dont know if i'm just saying it or not but i feel like my mind's in a whirl. this morning i heard my alarm, i forced myself out of bed. but when i got off 855, 2 93s came within the next minute. when i make myself come early, this i what happens. -.-

on a lighter note, i've been spending alot. i need to save money i need to save money i need to save money esp when school starts omg. also, there was a party today, i enjoyed the indian poker quite abit, but spent most of thetime with my head feeling rather dead. actually i could fall asleep right now. anyway, itwas good seeing teo again, her present makes me look like a gypsy. very interesting.

i hear so many things on what people say and try to look at things from different perspectives that its like suddenly, i have no opinion at all. focus focus focus! i wouldnt need an opinion for that.
mm, i should go now, my head is feeling all weird again. my feet are so bleehhhh i dont think i even want to go out tmr. i've been going out alot the past few days i think i should rest at home and spend new years eve doing something.. productive. if i'm not wrong i'll be home with my sisters?? i really miss them now, though i havent seen them for just 3 days.. i think. i feel so sick of everything, and yet also grateful for the people i know.

`11:48 PM__;

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

i think i'm going to stop blogging.

`3:53 PM__;

Monday, December 11, 2006

now, my life's almost all about training. when there's no trg i'll be sleeping ALOT, playing neopets, piano, or reading something. but i never stop learning from every trg.

eversince i started trg with ac (last fri), i've been sleeping before 1am, waking up in the morning (ytd i woke up at 0945 on my own! and today - 5am for no reason), this is a miracle. i've also been napping everyday.

today was a good wake up call. i completely KO-ed at the track. oh dearrr, all those psycho lessons are coming back again. i have to keep repeating to myself, "the track is my friend, the track is my friend, the track is my friend..." and "i love mac ritche, i love mac ritchie... (which is actually true)" and so on. i must convince myself that THEY ARE NOT MY ENEMIES!! even so, one should learn to love all those around them, including enemies. -.- this is so contradicting.

and whats worse was that today, i even stopped to stretch about 2-3times after striding which was completely useless. I WILL NEVER EVER STOP DURING A RUN AGAIN, even if its just to stretch or during a jog. urrghhh. so annoying, my left hemstring (sp?) was hurting so badly when i did the 3rd part. even before the 2nd part ended, i forgot where to stride, or jog, and all my strides turned into jogs before i finished 200m. -.- he said i could just run2km without fartlek for the last part, but in the end, with the help of nice teammates, i did fartlek. it didnt turn out well, but better than what it could have been.

now i am weak, unfit, especially horrible on the track and i need to learn how to run properly. -.- i still rmb TNg asking the whole team why is it that i can never do as well on the track compared to MR. ... nvm, when i go to bangkok i should try to have fun at their treadmill and teach myself to run properly. mm. when something somewhere hurts, i shouldnt complain and just keep running. i must try to apply that and stop degrading myself. running is good. training is good.

i have a tense muscle at my left sole. when i tiptoe, it gets very tense. i have this fear that it might break or something if i stretch it too much. =/ and i should do someting about my left hemstring, shoulders and right armswing. -.- but i shall go nap now first.

`11:53 AM__;

Saturday, December 09, 2006

i napped ytd, and i went to bed as early as 12+am! :D i was supposed to go to bed at 10+ buti stayed up trying to get a new highscore in one of the neopets games. -.-"
anw, cos i slept earlier than usual, I FINALLY Woke up early enough to leave the house before 7:20am. (i.e. no need for taxi) i was briskwalking across the overhead bridge and i missed 93, but surprisingly, 855 came really soon after that.

i finally did northern route today. ooo i really missed doing it although i couldnt stick to the pace at the beginning. it seemed abit slow. (cos i always start faster than normal pace) i also sneezed a few times in the forest. but then ah, after that i became too slow. -.-" not a nice timing, but i kind of felt like i pushed myself. there was a point of time when i felt like puking cos my stomach felt all queasy inside. then on the way back, my legs were aching so much i couldnt feel myself going faster when i tried to. -.- but overall - tiring + good run. i'm abit scared for monday's trg.

i just realised that i never regret coming for trg no matter how slow i did. =X
anyway, i've met an ex-rgps schoolmate who's DSA-ing to ac. AND, she even stays near ikea. XD new runnig khaki! she said she didnt mind meeting up to go running to botanic gardens or something. bahaha then i'll have someone to run with when my sisters cant pei wo. x)

ANYWAY, i watched happy feet today with shu wen. very cute! and i saw the aurora borealis!! the ending was abit odd though. and the person next to me was very creepy.
ohya i tried the fried mars bar at far east. not bad but the service was ... and aiya i dont think its worth it. then i ate at subway for the first time. it was OK.

when i was walking to the bus stop home, the left strap one of my flats BROKE! -.- it was SO HARD to walk and then so paiseh. i didnt want to walk barefooted to the bus stop in the middle of orchard either. and its like whenever i walked passed somebody who wasnt really doing anything, they'd notice on how weird i walk and see that broken strap at my foot. good thing was, i was going home.
i was sliding my right foot, and the left was walking normally.
in the bus, theres this woman who kept staring at my feet while i was standing. -.-" and when i moved it, she'll look up at me while i just pretend to stare outside the window.

i'm abit curious on why everytime my grandmother comes, she always asks whether i have eaten. o.o maybe i'll become like that when i grow old. ......

AAHH, im trying to figure out what to do with all the free stuff i'm getting at advent calendar in neopets. its like taking up space in my inventory and i cant bear to donate it cos its so cute. but if i sell it it's as good as being worthless cos every user gets it free. -.-

iwant to stay up tonight, but i'm getting abit sleepy. ihavent been watching much tv lately. i think i'm gonna start being like what i was during sec 3. every alternate year i would slack, and the other year would be working harder than ever. -.- and since i was relatively lazier this year though i am/was sec 4, i think i'm going to be a good girl next year. -.-" but for now, i'll just make sure i get enough sleep before every training. i'm always so sleepy after trg and then i start screwing up my sleeping times.

tmr i shall pamper my feet and stay at home. prob practise piano too. i'm aching all over. my shoulders, my stomach (though have no idea why), every part of my legs. it even hurts when i tiptoe. mhmm, maybe i should also get a new blogskin soon.

`7:53 PM__;

Friday, December 08, 2006

wah. after my run today, i realised how much i've been pampering my feet the past few days. and i started to love water again once more. x)

last night, dajie stayed over, and i had a great chat with her in a long long time. however, i couldnt sleep till around 6am, i guess i napped too much. i woke up a few min after 7. and as what my sister had said, i'd had to wait for "20min if im unlucky" for the bus.

... i was unlucky. i ended up being just on time for training i think. now i think about it, i dont really remember doing warm up. =X im not too good at drills. supposed to practise at home but i think i forgot how to do it. -.-" but i'll still try to. anw, the run after that was quite weird. i just focused on following the people in front. there was a moment i felt like vomitting, and couldnt wait for the run to end. and yet, i started to find the route really interesting. and before i knew it, the run was over. it was a super hot day. i'm still quite clueless about the route i ran today. trg was good - the run, the people.

now i think about it, it was approximately 3 years ago, 10dec2003 i had my first training with mgX.

ANYWAY, 4 of us headed to bugis to get teo's things. had lunch at food junction. it seemed like the best lunch i ever had in weeks although it was just meepok fishball noodles along with a very nice lime juice. =X then we went to get teo's things. wah. i dunno why but my feet felt so so so so flat and tired. and my stomach was aching. (like muscle ache) ._.

then around 1:30 we went home, and it was raining. i had an umbrella. but my shoes got wet. GRRRRR. i dont want to run in soaked shoes tmr. i need to buy my own umbrella.

`2:51 PM__;

Thursday, December 07, 2006

today i had my first piano lesson in __ months.
i dunno why, did she get scarier or was it just me.
icried for the first time in 6 years? i think the last time because of such a thing was when i was p3. and she taught me since i was 4.
i was so pissed with myself. i didnt even feel like crying.
and when i walked home, i realised that now i dont cry as much when i get caned as hard as before.
but now i cry more when i get scolded as much as before.
-.-

anw, something good happened today. i should try to appreciate it more.
i slept from 2-6pm today. and i'm still very tired though i slept for more than 8 hrs last night. should go to bed soon, trg in the morning.

`10:39 PM__;

i am worried.
i am confused.
i am scared.

but nvm, i cant keep putting sad stuff on my blog even if i feel that way. makes my life sound more sad than it is. i've had an interesting night to myself today.
also, this afternoon, i spent the day with erjie. walking around orchard like foreigners. -.- it was meant to celebrate my bday cos she was having exams. i was really thankful for it, but ... there was something bringing me down. i wasnt really in the mood as i walked around.
anw im still on that saving-money spree. its going to last for months.
AND, sadly, or maybe fortunately, i entered a shop and wanted to buy FOUR ITEMS which is rare, considering my fussiness over the thingsi buy. and they cost $X =/
usually i dont buy more than 2 items. but anw, i reserved it with erjie's stuff first. tmr then i'll have to collect and pay.
AHHH i'm so happy. XD iactually found a few tHINGS in one day.

gah. i hate putting a fake front but i always feel that i have to.
i was feeling VERY sleepy just now.. until i showered. i got piano in the morning. i should go to bed earlier tonight. i need to try to adjust my sleepingtimes.. (but i've said this 1000 times already) dont wanna end up waking up late for trg again and again and again. -.-
im slowly losing my interest in neopets again. -.-"
i'm going to start getting hooked on something again i think. something i've enjoyed reading since primary 6. and i feel that i'm going to start al over again. glued to the comp reading it like theres "no day no night" as my mum puts the way i've been living my life.
okok i better goto bed soon. i have to wake up at 0945. TT_TT

`3:36 AM__;

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

GAHHH i want to cry already. this is so bad. this is so bad!!!!! :( :( :( :( UGHHH! i'm a horrible monster.
THIS IS VERY BAD!!! :'(
i'm very sad. and if anyone reads this, please do not acknowledge that you read it. im typing this just to let it out. i feel too scared to ask for help in this. I DONT WANT WORDS OF CONSOLation. dont stop me from what i'm thinking. i want to get there. i have to.
one day, i'm going to beg in front of you to help me with this. i DO NOT look forward to it.

`1:21 AM__;

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

i've been staying til 7+am on the comp and waking up afew min before 4pm the past few days. im kinda enjoying it.. but somehow there's this thing in my head telling me that is not a good thing to do.

i have noticed how amazingly fast the sky changes in 1 hour
from this...

this.

and here are some pics from our cable car ride on friday. superstar virgo is HUGEEE!

`4:49 PM__;

Monday, December 04, 2006

i could spend the rest of my life mocking myself.
i would list out the many many many times i did something wrong, mean, bad.
the many many many times i missed the chance to get something better.
the times i lost something because of something unimportant, careless.

and meanwhile, i'd try to console myself listing down the good things in life,
listing down things to be grateful for, people to be thankful for.

i would continue listing down and even repeat myself without noticing it..
and still feel that right now, in the present, im a complete idiot to myself.

it feels like an endless depression unless im able to get my way out. i must occupy myself with something else. the feeling will subside, but its hard to make it disappear. i might be exaggerating though, i'm not sure.
one reason why i choose to wake up and sleep late, is to avoid __ people.
i find more peace within myself.
but its also just a way of running away, hiding from them.
i get to think more to myself while weird thoughts enter my head.

i'm trying not to think too deep, to be horribly clueless about everything, but when i'm clueless i get curious. i have resorted to playing neopets for the time being. prob till the end of december when i start to get sick of it again. i enjoy playing the puzzle games for some reason.. i'm not exactly strategising as i play it though, just guessing.

i want to take a walk, a walk around the estate with my dog. i'd like to think about somemore things. or maybe just the same thing over and over again.
i'm staying at dajie's place tonight. using her comp now while shes next to me asleep. im quite sleepy but i have no intention of sleeping. i dont know why. its 5:05am already. i dont want to go to bed. i dont want to go to bed.

`4:45 AM__;

Sunday, December 03, 2006

hehh.. short one. waiting for my cousinto wake up from her 15min nap.. or maybe not...
busy holidays.. :( i'm almost done with 2 out of 3 of my animes.. GRRR. but its so nice to watch again. ^^ ok i need to get a life though i'm really njoying it and the odd sleeping times.
been cooping myself in my bedroom, apart from the funny sentosa outing. A PRETTY PARROT WAS SCREECHING ON MY FOREARM!! and the horrendous mosquito bites.

mhmm.. now that i think about it. i have a busy week ahead of me. i need to start waking up early. =.= but oh well, I DONT LIKE. TT_TT now i'm on my anime marathon with my cousin. cos shes going back later inthe afternoon so we have to finish watching it today. i feel odd not going to train with mg anymore. =/ i think i might still join them on monday though.., for the last time? but i also dont want to wake up early..
i guess right now theres the standard chartered race going on...

ok my cousin just told me she cannot tahan liao so now must hope that we both can wake up at 930 and continue watching... -.-"

i had a good run ytd morning. slow but, it felt real good on the way back.
...
i'm depressed.
even when i try to think about all sorts of reasons to be grateful and glad.. i still feel rather.. :(

`6:52 AM__;