maple leaves.

Friday, October 27, 2006

I LOVE CROSS COUNTRY.

phys prac ytd. dont know what to say about it. i felt quite glad but at the same time i'm a little worried, but i ccant do anything about it now so shant bother.

cancelled my meeting with mrs lim, too many ppl wanted to see her. =/ figured i should go home since i only slept for 1+hours.. -.-"
but i didnt sleep until 2+am last night. >.<"

so anyway, yesterday, i was at the bus stop. there wasnt anybody there.
then a group of people came,
and then a few more people,

1. and then some crossie juniors, leaving for training with one of them ranting on how its the last day of sch but they still go for trg.
i rmb doing that, never felt so good doing it. but its not my last day, MY LAST DAY IS ON 2211. when we sit in for some ulu exercise/briefing after all the papers have ended.
so their bus came in like 2-3minutes they said bye, and soon...

i was the only one left at the bus stop. where was my bus. -.-

2. and then 74 came by, i saw 4 more sec 3 juniors, running for the bus, on the way to mac ritchie, my favourite training ground.
they ran and said bye as they passed by me.

and someone came, and left. where the heck was that darn bus. -.-

i waited

and waited

and waited

i stared at every single vehicle passing by me.. oh where was 970,
i had seen every single bus that goes to that bus stop at least once already. WHERE WAS MY BUS.

3. and then, IT CAME. i flagged it down, and this time, another group of sec 1 juniors were walking toward the bus stop. and they all said their byes and waved like crazy people.

and i waved back.
and left.

what a memorable experience. sitting at the bus stop, watching 3 groups of juniors head for training, saying our goodbyes as we entered our buses. it started to rain, i wished i had join them.

AND I WILL JOIN THEM AFTER O'S AHAHHAHAHAHHA i miss the saturday trainings like mad. but now i feel so slow and too embarrassed to run northern route. i think i'll do it when like, i've done a few more self runs within 3 days before going to MR again. i miss running. i should prob call my cousin up. maybe she'd wanna run. ;)

i love cross country.

`4:57 PM__;

Monday, October 23, 2006

GRAHHHH I'M SO MADDDDDDDDD.
i want to take your head AND TRASH IT AGAINST THE WALL OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

but then, my conscience is restricting me from doing such.
sometimes i'd really wish i was suffering mentally. i would do whatever i want. go crazy and live in unhappiness. or happiness. whichever.

GRR so pissed. so pissed. so pissed.
i want to take MY head and trash it against the wall.
i'm too chicken. gah.

this morning started out bad, before i left home.
and my run got cancelled. should have got out of bed later.
i dunno why i'm so annoyed with these people, not like they ever did anything. i'm actually quite sick of complaining about them, but they never fail to make me start all over again. why! :( its just me. :( :( :( :( :(

phys prac this thurs. RMB CALCULATOR, err. careful eyes, blackpen, pencil, ENTRY PROOF!, long ruler, curve ruler, and other stationery, setsq, protractor, etc etc etc. GAHHHh XX_XX

i'm still very angry. i wish i could get rid of all the anger in me.
but i feel scared when i wish for something. its just the effect of tv, when they wish for something good, it happens. and comes with something bad.
you know the thing about anime is that its really good at expressing one's feelings. the same for other cartoons. esp looney toons. but this anime that i like, well, whenever they get angry, they do the funniest stunts of taking this person and throwing him against the wall like nobody's business. it hurts at first, but temporarily. hahahha. if only one could really express anger like that. i'll be so relieved.
-----
reality check: I CANT DO THAT.

my geog teacher is a nice person. my lit teacher has given me confidence in tackling unseen now. just need some time mangement. but i'm still quite scared of EOTP and my english. AHHH. i'm going to continue seeing my geog teacher. hohum. i like seeing teachers one-one. less time consuming and i feel that i learn better.
and after i finish my geog tys MCQ, its on to chem and physics. how exciting! its just 20++ days and its all over. how scary.

my dajie's at home today. :D i'm very happy.
my dog ran out just now. again. i'm very sad.
luckily i ran out of the house to bring her back. i'm really sad for her.
i feel so evil. but she's sick, she's weak, i cant just watch her die in somebody else's home or something! =/
i'm going to find more running "kahkee"s. once a week no enough. my current "kahkee" is stressed.
i'm contemplating on whether to go for trg on sat or not.
i think i've finally given a proper entry whereby i just speak out my mind and randomly change topic whenever i want to.

`4:59 PM__;

Sunday, October 22, 2006

finding out about myself.
someone thinks i'm lonely.
somebody thinks i'm sad.
someone else thinks i'm stressed.
somebody else thinks i have no time to relax.
another person thinks i'm crazy.
......
i was watching tv ytd.
i dunno what to do.
i've been sleeping really late and waking up reallly late. and i enjoy waking up late.
......
i flare up over the simplest things.
but they say it requires patience to do a jig-saw puzzle, to finish an expert minesweeper game.
maybe it just means i'm impatient around people, but not with non-living things cos i have a fear that if i dont flare up, i'll be taken advantage of? =/

oh well, i think i'm going to study later. i dunno why i'm updating. but i'm g \onna run with tiff tmr. and probably see my humans teachers for the last time hopefully. heh. then i'll move on to sciences and maths.

i feel so unfit now. i only ran once last week, skipped trg ytd morning to wake up at 3pm, and O.o i cant wait to run at MR again.

`5:06 PM__;

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

ah i'm so happy. i've been really productive lately. i'm back on my schedule again once more! :D and i finished 99-32 +63=130 geog MCQ qsns in 1+hours. hahahahahhaa. i did the first 32 (which i minused off) last night at 2+am. and i did the last 63 in 30min. XD
its not that i'm really good. but alot of qsns are asking the same thing despite the different ways from which the choices are phrased. there are some which are pretty tricky. =\

ok. ahh!! i'm so happy i'm back on my timetable now. but i'm really mad cos right now i'm wasting time. because i'mw aiting for people to come online to save me with some Lit work before i can start on Geog-Rivers. grr. and also because i have an anime at 5.30pm so i figured i cant do much in between.
i dont know if i should go for the SS mock exam. i dont want to wake up so early leh. :/

i've been really productive in my bedroom, best place to study from the textbook. i'm glad i can concentrate there again because initially, that used to be the best place meant for studying in my whole sec sch life. and then sometime ago, for mid years and prelims, i couldnt concentrate in my bedroom. but i'm glad i can again. XD i'm going to run tmr morning :D:D:D hopefully haze wont be high. :)

`5:26 PM__;

Sunday, October 15, 2006

my 7 years in mg's ending. and well i didnt feel a thing. i didnt cry. nothing.
maybe it was cos i still had to come back to school in school uniform within the next 1month++.
i was just reminded of my first day of school. the day i met a great friend, the day i met a nightmare. and today, seems like we're almost drifting apart as new people step into our lives, but the nightmare's still a nightmare and the great friend is still a great friend.

-------------
anw i decided to use Cbox cos i went to visit tag-board.com and it really seems to have been taken over by some site and well, i've been recommended to use it. cBox has quite a nice format too anw.

i stayed over at jie's place today. quite productive for studying.

should do it more often since school has already ended. but the way i sit when i study is almost upside down. but it actually works. =/

i'm going back to study now.

i'm trying to use up space.
i'm trying to stop running, and yet another part of me just cant bear to do it. :/

------------------------
things happen. i've got issues.
wont say a word.
shouldnt say a word.

`8:11 PM__;

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

and so i've learnt, i "enjoy" PMSing. i have "mood swings" everyday. as quote from some people.
my tolerance has gone down.
and i realised, no matter how horrible people may have become, or how impatient i can get, i still have to do well. AND SO, i must forget all barriers, and FOCUS. i want to go running tomorrow. i'm really itching to run.

`3:19 PM__;

Monday, October 09, 2006

how did i..
survive the past 15++years?

how could i...
live through your blunt words?

how could i
not be oblivious to your insults?

how could i
not feel hurt

how could i
not stab you

how could i
not cry when you speak like that

how could i
get you out of my life without regrets

leave me alone.
leave me alone.
shut up.
shut up.
i want out.
i WANT OUT!

GRAHHH!! @#$%^&*!!! MUST TAHAN.

`6:35 PM__;

Friday, October 06, 2006

ok! just about 2 days ago, i read my english prelim compo. i was shocked at my own words, my language. IT WAS ATROCIOUSSSSSSS. i couldnt believe i actually wrote all that rubbish. no wonder i got so low. and yet, why cant i apply what i read in my writings? its not that i dont read, maybe not as much as an average person, but i usually undestand what i read. :( and it seems like i speak better than i write. o.O

my dog ran away again. i'm somewhat guilt-ridden and sad. and yet, another part of me feels absolutely nothing. =/
i feel.. uncertain. insecure.
i want.. to break.

++edit on 07102006 1543hrs, 2325hrs

Meet, my darling. if you ever so happen to see such a cutie wondering about without a collar. Do let me know. but right now, i think she'd probably been picked up by someone cos she looks too adorable to be abandoned. :(
~~shes quite bony and small. my mum claims shes sick which is why shes lost weight though we still feed her the usual. i think blogging it out isnt gonna help actually. :(~~

the people who found her wanted to keep her. they bought her a leash, food, and even took her for injection. she's back home now. i feel so sad for her. i think i'd better start paying more attention to her. she's 10++. she's old and i love my darling so so much.

`5:40 PM__;

Sunday, October 01, 2006

I AM MY WORST NIGHTMARE. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
i hope all goes well from tomorrow onwards. :S please do. =/

`10:24 PM__;