maple leaves.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

hmm, i realised i havent been very happy lately in my entries.

but anyway i will say about this afternoon! :D:D

teo and i went running (finally ahhaha), and well this time i didnt do as much house gazing as i did the previous time. i spent most of the time looking at the ground in fear of falling down and injuring my ankle. -.-"

we started off going to old holland road into garlick avenue and we got lost inside for 16min ONLY. -.- (we were hoping 20-30 or maybe an hour =X) then we found our way to 6th avenue unknowingly and moved on towards HCI, NJ that side..

OHOHOH AND THE FUNNY BIT.

before we crossed this road and the path towards the schools, on our right was this SUPER SUPER STEEP SLOPE that i used to pass by last time during selfruns, and this time, we went to explore it. as we moved on towards the SUPER SUPER STEEP SLOPE, we passed by a police station? and something and we were heading in toward 3rd avenue.

then we reached the slope. it was hilarious and extremely steep. it is but the steepest slope i have ever met in my life! (steeper than mt faber, MR, turf city, sch, etc.) and what was so funny was that we were going up SO SLOWLY (teo was thinking 5cm/s) and yet it was kinda tiring despite the rate our legs were moving and it was SSSSSOOOOOO steep that as we bent forward to go up, the ground was ALMOST parallel to our bending positions. (talk about going against gravity man. hahaha!) and we running up and laughing at the same time, cos we were moving at a relatively slow pace compared to usual but it was so tiring in a way maybe cos we kept laughing.. and the slope was really LONG. (but maybe mt faber was longer)

ah, good hill training. then after that we started trying to sound like somebody, "workout: go up the slope 6x only, 1min up and jog back 1min down." (it probably took us 2-3+min to go up?)

i tell you, i'd never ever dare to cycle nor rollerblade up/down that slope.
and cos it was SO STEEP. i found it really scary going down so i went down slowly.

so after exploring the houses there, we headed back to school by the "pollutive route" *coughcoughcough*. and teo started speeding up. -.-" i'm not used to speeding up towards the end actually. i'm more of a keep constant pace. haiya shes still got her stamina and she hasnt lost as much speed as i have. -.- or maybe its cos i feel more tired when i start off slower than i usually do.

oh, then we met jen in school. its quite nice to talk to a senior after a few months of being the oldest batch in the school.

so i went home at about 5+ i think, the bus took quite long to come =/, and then ifell asleep and missed my stop again, but this time i missed it by 2 stops so i got of at dawson's place and walked back.

i'm tired.. but i want to watch sg idol. :D:D

`7:16 PM__;

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

today began pretty well. i saw a few familiar faces at ib open house today.

and then when i finally got to spend some time with erjie, after DUNNO HOW MANY DAYS or weeks? it screwed up.
it screwed up SO BADLY.

she was pissed i knew it, and i was pissed too.
now i understand why depressed people end up doing things that ruin up their lives out of a moment of sudden impulsion/impulsiveness(sp?). i'd never thought i'd experience it in my life EVER. but this time, i felt it. and i didnt want to go home.

however, at the same time i wasnt in the mood to walk around but i felt like i owed erjie something, just that cos my mood was really off, she didnt want to walk around and we ended up going back home.

sorry erjie. =(

i dont like living without my sisters at home. I REALLY DONT LIKE IT.

good thing XXX XXX XXX XXX when i got home so it wasnt so bad.
i feel awful, i feel like a lousy sister.
i feel so irritated, so angry at someone.

i'd never thought a day like today would actually happen in my entire life.
but it did.

`10:16 PM__;

Monday, May 29, 2006

AH! teo has got me engrossed in something new! ooh my. it requires commitment (kind of) and being a good person. HAHAH its so fun now! :D but the thing is, i dont know how long my excitement would last. >.<" (it might last quite long ok.)

i found some red scratches on myself today. =/
i'm quite annoyed with some person who's at home now. i dont like her at all. (shes not a family member neither is she someone i see everyday.)

anw, last night i almost couldnt sleep -.- , i was so scared it'll just be like the night before my chinese PSLE (cos that night i went to bed quite early but i ended up sleep at 6am, waking up at 645 or something like that but last night i didnt sleep till past 130 so at least this time i sletp for a few hours instead of 45min.)

anw, i dont know what to say about Xmen. and i didnt run today. -.- but i am highly fascinated by this new thing teo has introduced me to. :D:D:D:D
i just killed a bloodsucker.

`7:30 PM__;

Sunday, May 28, 2006

gah. i was hoping to sleep till 12 latest today.
never thought i'd wake up so early. -.-

woke up >70min ago. -.- thanks to one of the weirdest dreams i've ever had. i dreamt about going out. (which i have not done since last tues/wed) i cant be that deprived. =/ must be too excited for after monday's paper i guess. ahahahhaa. i've been getting weird dreams lately.
but it was jsut so odd, my mind was so relaxed thinking about something fun, and then suddenly i'm awake, reality check: "what am i thinking?! i have an exam tomorrow!!"

i couldnt go back to sleep at all. so i decided to get up, and start studying at 10 or something lah. look at the time now, so early. i shall have some 3+hours to myself to relax.
i've never woken up so early like this since kindergarten i think, maybe can watch the sun rise! :D at least i know tonight i shouldnt have any trouble sleeping tonight. :D

part of me wants to run with mgX this sat, but my ankle isnt 100% in good condition yet. now i feel less prone to falling, but i dont know what i should do. oh yeah, btw now i'm not so discouraged on going to ac.
i'm coming here too often. =X maybe later i should try to zzz which i feel wont be successful.

oh no, 6.2 earthquake at java, but it's not caused by mount merapi. its in the newspaper today. its just plain evil to put adverts next to them. X(

`6:36 AM__;

Saturday, May 27, 2006

i havent eaten anything since 9+ last night. =/ but i've drank stuff.
last night i was blowing m nose like mad, but good thing its ok now, for a moment i thought i got my dad's flu. >.<"

i dont want to think about where i wanna go next year, but now with the DSA thingy going on, my parents want me to apply, she is being an ass, and i realise i keep thinking about the bad points on the few jcs i was considering, which makes me not feel like going anywhere at all, i dont feel prepared to leave sec school.

i feel like i've done too much chinese over the past 36hours. i wanna go run again later. maybe when the sky isnt so dark. dark skies make me feel like i cant complete my run =X, like ytd, the sky was dark at 2+, so i waited till 5+pm then i went to run. but i guess its better to run abit than to not run at all right, cos it could have rained at 5+. (good thing it didnt rain till i got home :D)
gah. but ytd's run was quite ok, just that the turn at the school track kinda made my knee feel weird for a while. luckily my ankle didnt swell up after the run this time. :D

i feel bad slacking now, i was asking my tuition teacher just now what i should do, she thinks its better i dont do anymore chinese, just read up on stuff till tmr night. i've done way to much chinese. (ytd from after school till 4:45, last night 9+ to 3am when i fell asleep for 1hour in between) but at least i've finished all of laoshi's (school) stuff. and for tuition, i dont wanna try doing as much as i can inside that book anymore. X_X i'm so sick of it already GAHH MUST REN 48hours it'll all be over. and then teo and i will be going house gazing and watching XMEN 3 BWAHAHAHHAHA. ok shant think about that now, laze around at home probably, later go run to relieve myself and then look at chinese.

i woke up later than i wanted to today, actually iw anted to wake up at a time when i'll have less than 8hours of sleep, but i woke up 10hours after 3am. =X then i had tuition at 2.15 (despite me saying, "i thought you're coming at 3.30?" in chinese [she kinda ignored that qsn] she didnt realise she was 1hour early until 3.15, i guess she came early cos her watch and clock at home was screwed. or maybe she's tired and saw wrongly?)

i'm quite glad with how much i've done over the past 5 days, just that i cant deny that i dont think there are a whole lot of other people who have finished more than i have. =/

i think i'm going brain dead. thats why i shall go run at 5. XD after all, ytd's run was quite slack i think. i ended up doing 20 15 15 which felt slower than i used to do when mr q first came. !!! I NEED to hit sub 10 sometime between july - before nov (aug, sept, ocT?) anw my run later wont be as long as ytd's prob ranging from about 15-30min. hahahaha.

maybe i shall join mgX this sat or next sat. the swelling on my ankle is STILL there but a whole lot better (as usual -.-) and i feel so eager to run at mac ritchie. i wonder what i'm gonna do this hols, but iknow for one, i'm gonna set aside the 3rd week doing nothing but piano/run. =X i shall have my movie marathon then. but osmething tells me that when it reaches the 3rd week of hols, i wont feel like slacking then. =X

hmm. dunno when i'm gonna set aside time for self study. i feel like i really need it. but i think i should start thinking about that AFTER chinese o's. everyone needs a break. it just depends on how long that break is right?

`4:31 PM__;

Thursday, May 25, 2006

oh dearrrr. i'm getting discouraged on going to ac, but like i half want to go rj and half dont want to because of stupid reasons and not very nice reasons.
anyway, my dad suggested i try for dsa, =/ rj nj and ac. but nj is too track-ish. haha maybe i can try for jump for fun. =X and i dunno lah, i dont really wanna spend so many of my schooling years travelling the almost-same route going to school.and he said rj may be too pressurising for me.

but if there are people who just score below 20 and get into rj, it cant be as pressurising as being surrounded ONLY by people who got 6points. hahaha.

who am i kidding man.

i think now the travelling bit's not gonna matter anymore. but... honestly speaking i dont really like WANT to go anywhere (jc) very much. not too keen about it.

and another part of me isnt so keen on sticking to cross, but treat it more like an extra/fun cca. and i will join everyone on saturday for the WONDERFUL LONG RUNS. :D i have developed an interest in ______ HEEHEHEEHEE.

i cancelled my run today to go tmr. good thing i made that decision, i got home soaked despite having an umbrella above me. only my back and my head was dry. -.-" i want to buy a new umbrella. (but not because this one i'm using isnt big enough)

now i must drink coffee if i dont have enough sleep, cos it works, i stayed awake the whole of chinese today! :D:D:D but i dont really like drinking coffee everyday. >.<" 1. it tastes nicer if i drink it once in a while, 2. it makes me feel old. =X haha.

erjie recommend i go nj, cos of the diversity.. but aiyahhhh. say anywhere i also "but" lah. oh ya, i'm getting back both emath papers tmr. O.O

anw i'm having tuition in about an hour's time. i shall watch channel 5 and 9.15 eventhough american idol starts at 7.30, cos they wont announce till the last part right. XD
ah this is so annoying. our exams ended too late! now i'm rushing through chinese like mad. i dont like this, i'm not having enough sleep. but at least now, i dont have trouble falling asleep. (:

ahhh next week i think i'm gonna watch movies like mad. !!!!! :D:D:D:D

`3:44 PM__;

Monday, May 22, 2006

MID YEARS ARE OVER. ahem, its the last mid years in secondary school life and next monday is chinese O's AAAHHHHHH.

anyway, i shall go on about my day starting from 12am,
*panics* 2 more chpts of physics left!!! (worries about being able to stay up tmr)
continues on physics...

3am, i go to bed. i lie in bed alll the way until 4+am until i fall asleep. -.- (maybe its cos i was studying all teh way from 12pm to 3am minus about 2-3 hours.)
and then i woke up at 6am, had breakfast with coffee. -.-" tastes odd.

had physics paper.. and then BOOM. MID YEARS ARE OVERRRRR
and then i went to do abit of tuition while melpok was waiting for tifft, and then i went to run.

quite slack. 40min, i think this thurs i will do 15 15 10 instead. (tuition teacher picking me up after that so i cant do as long as i want to. >.<")

but the run was GREATTTTT despite it being slacky and the drizzling every 10min or so. hahaha. -.-

and then i waited for the bus, which completely ignored the waving of my hand mainly cos of the stupid bus infront of it and i was seeing AT LEAST 2 of every bus pass by. (about 5 157s, 3 74s, 4 67s, 2 151s, 2 66s, 2 852s, 3 961s, 3 174s, 3 77s, 2 170s, BAH) AND MY bus didnt come till 23min later. ~~and i almost fell on my other ankle while walking home. =X~~

then i had tuition and then i was eating fried keropok (sp?) for lunch at 4+. -.-" [it made me realise my throat wasnt fully healed =X] and drank some iced lime juice (squeezed lime put in freezer) the maid made. quite nice leh. :D but it gave me a bit of a brain freeze. lol.

AND I'M SO HAPPPPYYYYYYYYYY. ironically, i'm still wide awake now. must be coffee+run. next time i must do that whenever i'm tired, keeps me awake :D

AND I'M GONNA SLEEP WELL AND PROPER TONIGHT WOOOHOOOOO.

and from now till dinner time, i shall go play sudoku, update my outdated-by-1-month training log. and maybe do some chinese? =/

(btw on sat, i improved my 40 laps by 3 min! despite not swimming for 4 weeks or so and falling sick in between. but hor, i think i pushed just as hard each time i did my 40 laps.)

BWAHAHAHA I'M SO HAPPY I FEEL LIKE I'VE NEVER LAUGHED/SMILED LIKE THIS FOR AGES. and i'm not exaggerating, but i sound so deprived. -.- just ytd i got so pissed at my family for disturbing me just to book movie tickets which ended up being cancelled due to their horrid booking system. and today after tuition i spammed my sister's board like its nobody's business. aiyah but i guess she'll be happy got alot of tags from me. :D:D:D

must be the effects of a proper run after 10 weeks. at first i was quite scared i wouldnt even last the 40min, but i realised i wasnt that not-tired, oh well, improving takes time. and after the run i was all dripping and soaked in sweat which looked quite gross to the ppl in the crowded canteen. (i brought my stuff there cos there were workers sleeping next to my bag :S) but why do i need to give a damn anyway, IT FELT GOOD FULLSTOP. BWAHAHAHHAHAHA.

oh no i forgot what else i wanted to say. but i'm happy enough now eventhough i have a chinese paper next week adn blahblah etc. ok nvm i seem to be stuck on the song below this entry. =X

`4:43 PM__;

Friday, May 19, 2006

i wont say a word about it till then.

ATTITUDE - i seem to have forgotten its existence.
i finally understood how i've changed.
its my priorities that have changed in a not so good way.

i need to stop being such an insomniac.
last night, while trying to sleep, i was thinking about running. i've decided, between now and the time when i finally decide to join mgX, i will do some self runs after school :D on the school track. -.-" and i'll do the 20min drills, 10-20min striding, and at least 10min warm down. :D

i was actually considering doing it during recess next week? but it'll be to short. =/

and meanwhile, i must try to forget my fear of running i have developed cos my ankle isnt fully healed. =\
but ig uess everyone has to start somewhere right? (:
this time, i'm starting from square one by myself. o.o

AHHH. MY DARLING JUST VOMITTED! OH NO my poor girl. no wonder she's been walking all around my room so weirdly. i shall go tend to her now.

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day

Has come and gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home

Let me go home
It will all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

"Home" - Michael Buble

`1:50 PM__;

Thursday, May 18, 2006

i deserved to be slapped a thousanddddd times. or maybe a million.
bah. i think i'm becoming like those ah-sohs who are so superstitious that you cannot do dis ah or you become like dat wan.

-.-" amath wasnt a killer.
i was killing myself. really. -.-

but i've got targets, aims, i need to do well for tmr's paper. and maybe geog 1 can also pull up my paper 2. hmm. and i've only done 4chpts of physics. bahh. i dont like having to cope with exams and tuition.

oh well. good thing amath is on 2 days.. i get more revision for it. x)

and if it werent for these targets and aims that are a MUST, and i'll just die, see myself deteoriate if i dont do well, isnt it sucky.
i dont dont enjoy studying actually, but its just really annoying. and i dont really like to set goals/targets, i dont like getting so many careless mistakes which can be prevented. sometimes, i really dont get careless mistakes, and yet sometimes, its not really like i want to give up, but more like, i'm so sick of doing what i dont want to do. and i feel so stuck in osme competitive world, its so GRAHHHH. but yes, these stuckups must be beaten so that they wont be such proud asses.

majority of the people around me dont like studying, and its pretty much the only way we can go if we want to live our happiest. :(

its quite sad just thinking about it. anw i realised i dont like to talk no matter how much i would just rant on and on to my sisters or how much i used to love making people laugh when i was younger. now all that's so different. i find myself unable to be the clown in the family if i want to do well and ugh, even if i do well, that moment will just be shortlived. and after a while, even after much victories, or failures. i get so sick of it but nobody wants to be left behind nor to be known as stupid. there'll be this guilty feeling because you say you chose not to study. but if i were a retard, there'll be no need to think. but i'll probably be struggling trying to do daily stuff.

the only thing that drives me now is what i want to do for my future. i've got no interest, and its not really much of motivation. if i do really well, i can earn big bucks and become a farmer. if i dont, i wont earn big bucks and nobody would want me to farm for them. or even so, my this weird thinking about becoming a farmer may not be true. but i do wanna try being one for a week or so. :D but if i can earn big bucks, i have a greater variety of choice on wanna do in life no? (: BAHHH. and when i live the life i want, i'll be old and wrinkly. (no i dont intend to go for botox X_X) -.-

`4:55 PM__;

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

omggggggggggggggg. AHHHHHHHH.

okokok i must try to calm down, first, i'll say the good news. I CAN RUN AGAIN (but i've been advised to go on flat ground e.g. track and not grass/mac ritchie. TT__TT i really wanna go MR but i shall start of with flat ground i suppose, better than nothing! (: )

ok. time to vomit my thoughts out now. this is actually not meant for reading. but i really want to voice it out to nobody. LAST NIGHT, i couldnt sleep. again. but this time its 2+hours of sleep. >.<" seriously there shouldnt be exams because i end up haaving insomnia, i cannot sleep, i end up not having enough sleep, my bio clock is screwed AND i have a bad habit of falling sick. -.-" but i suppose the falling sick bit can be prevented actually. however, if i didnt stay up, i wouldnt have fallen sick. if i didnt stay up, i would be less confident towards my papers. =X

i dunno why but eventhough my studying is more disorganised in some way as compared to last year, i feel like i might do better this mid years.. =/ but i shant get my hopes too high yet. wait for results.. IT REALLY KEEPS ME IN SUSPENSE. (in both good and bad.)

oh ya, so right, last night i couldnt sleep till 3+, and i did SS today which was quite ok other than the fact i didnt manage to try finish attempting the L5 method of answering which was partially written and i have nEVER, EVER been so scared for an e math paper LIKE THIS. it got me so nervous i spent my whole bus ride home biting my nails. (yes, bad habit.. -.-" but my nails werent bitten off actually.)

oh and yesterday, i was swearing to myself how much 961 hated me. i missed it when i went to nj, i missed it when i was going home and somemore i got to the bus stops when the bus was still there lah! and then after i missed it from nj, i got impatient waiting for the next one and took a taxi home. and behind the taxi was the next 961. -.- but in a way, it did do me some good, cos i could get the taxi driver to stop me at the mrt so that i can top up my ezlink (961 bus stop cannot top up), and when i took 153 there (cos i was scared of being late), i walked from st margs to nj, 5 bus stops 25min, quite nice feeling, cos i was walking by the places where we used to do self run.

ok one day i must go running from school -> holland v -> st. margs -> school.
heck how long it'll take, ITS GONNA BE FUN. HAHAHAHHA. must make sure sky not dark. =X

my dad, erjie and i are sick now, my mum's throat is sore but it might because she talks alot. =X and well, erjie stayed over the other day. i was really reallyl really happy actually. but i didnt spend alot of time talking to her though. :( i spent most of the time studying while she was watching tv/on the phone. TT_TT but anw, i've got a mission to go on a movie/dvd marathon at home during 2-3 days of the june hols! :D:D:D anyone interested? it'll be here at home! unless it'll just be me and erjie ahahahhaa and maybe my cousin. x)

oh well, my main thing about this entry today was about my emath paper actually haha. i've never been so scared like this before. i cant stop thinking about it.
i was thinking of going swimming for the last time today, but i think it wont be nice if i spread my bacteria to other ppl in the pool. (cos my mucus and phlegm is extremely ugly.) and i'm giving exucses. my eyes are starting to get tired. hahaha i must go nap.

`2:20 PM__;

Saturday, May 13, 2006

thinking about how unfit i am makes me. "laugh".

but i'm still so excited to run again! esp a long run. ^^
and i was just thinking about the first time i joined cross, if i recall correctly, there was not once when i dreaded training.. (maybe there were A FEW exceptions in terms of interval workouts though.)

last night i went to bed quite late considering i actually woke up at 10+am, and for some odd reason, i was freezing under my blanket, my goosebumps were all poping out and then suddenly "bzzzzzz" i acknowledge the prescence of an annoying buzzing insect. grrr.
and i think i was in bed for at least 2 hours before i finally fell asleep. -.-
then just now i got out of bed the moment my tuition teacher came -.-" and i spent the whole lesson READING OUT LOUD TO HER. it's horrid cos i sound so sore and sore and sore and sore. =.=

but anyway, i realised i'm being bad again. i'm doing slack stuff over the comp.
so i must re-edit my challenge, i should only come online when i've finished studying for the day or when i need help.
and i should make more use of free smses, than to waste electricity to use the computer. -.-"

anw before i go, i'll speak about some stuffffffff. ppl work hard because they want to do well. they want to do well because they feel horrid when others do better than them. they want to do well because they do not want to end up a lousy situation. and they do not want to end up in a lousy situation because they have been taught "this is called a lousy situation." "being in a lousy situation is not good."

i read somewhere before, how a person was feeling so blessed she had a brain that could think. she was not disabled whatsoever. but hey, do you know some retarded people can be one of the most happiest people on earth? but frankly speaking, i do not really wish to be like that. but at the same time, i envy them. because once your mind does not think straight, anything can make you happy. and they also do not understand what its like to feel dreaming that i want to go here, i want to be sucessful in this, blahblahblah because they (actually some) have the mentality of a child! and you know, the best person to talk to is someone whom you know has no ambition or does not expect anything from anyone but just lives for what he/she is today. and children do not dream big for they do not achieve/understand on what is going on in the real world. so 1. keep up with the world. or 2. remain stuck in your own world forever.

after reading what i just said in this paragraph, i feel like i cant think straight anymore. -.-

i found myself caught in between, what should be done and what is right. because sometimes you feel like eventhough what should be done is not right, it NEEDS to be done! and you do it not for being selfish, but knowing what it could do to others in the near future.
how annoying.
---
the walking encyclopedia is sick. he claims its me who passed it to him though we fell sick the same day. he's got fever, i dont. i've got sore throat, he doesnt. but we've got horrid mucus/phlegm. X_X

i found some blogs of ppl younger than me. they made me realise that their year/generation are very mature. (unless you're saying i'm really childish) because right now, i still feel like how they feel at their age (be it p6, sec 1, sec2) towards personal feelings about stuff.

yes and i did that blog surfing while taking a break which lasted from the intended 15min to 45min or so. -.-"

so anw. if you do see me online, talking to you saying that i'm not done with studying: please make sure that my break does not last as long as 15min OR, shoo me away. i will be grateful to you in the near future. [p.s. this will last till next weekend.]

`1:10 PM__;

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

gosh. i had 8 hours of sleep for the first time in 3weeks i think.

i was living my life, forgetting that were words such as "sick" and "water" had existed.
today, i fell sick. or maybe it started last night.
slight sorethroat and the most horrible nose i'd ever had. last night i filled up the empty dustbin with tissue. today i filled half of the re-emptied dustbin with tissue.
gosh tmr i better bring a dustbin with me during chem man.

i actually forgot that not having enough sleep will make me sick. really. i was warned not to sleep so late, but that was cos i thought i wouldnt be able to absorb as much (but i could). i forgot that it would make me sick. >.<"

good news is, its a holiday today and i'm not that weak. i got 8 hours of sleep. but if i had a paper today i wouldnt have slept so late last night. anw another piece of good news is, i'm done with chem. i'm just quite scared i forget points i rmb. i pretty much understand everything but later i'm gonna re-revise stuff i might be prone to forgetting. and then there's air and water, i have no idea what i should learn cos stuff abotu that catalytic converter isnt in there. >.<"

my dad got angry with someone today. and he was telling me not to be like that, for some odd reason, i couldnt stop tearing. he wasn't scolding me, i wasnt sad for him or anyone. it wasnt my nose either. i had no idea why i was crying. WHY.

i cant go gym today. :( i would have if i wasnt sick but i wouldnt want to spread it to other people. :( its not an excuse. i used to train while being sick, it was quite fun but i'm just frustrated. i'm falling sick way too often in 12months. and the gym has air con -> aggravate my nose. -.-

haha, turns out miss vulgar is sick too eventhough i'm not sitting next to her anymore. okok! must ren3 more weeks! (actually 2, i think i'll have enough sleep trying to study for chinese o's) and i'll get through this!

`6:14 PM__;

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

hello! i find myself feeling happier today for i-dunno-what-odd reason.
and so you may see. i failed the challenge to myself.
honestly speaking, i didnt come online because i was tempted to.
sunday, i panicked just trying to study geog, and i needed consolation on who else was panicking. -.-" so i came online, then whoa, things were getting in better. (all i did was just copy and paste stuff from the textbook into the convo with fellow b2 geog ppl) things were getting in (to my head)! XD and well, though some chpts didnt get into my head, i found the paper alright. some stuff i studied on sunday REALLY HELPed. but the results, i wouldnt know on how i'd do.

i miss the self runs i used to do during exams last year.
i rmb just going down to the track after school. seeing another junior running, and then i join her.. running for 40+min only and well.. it is indeed, a great stress reliever. and it wakes me up for the rest of the day. XD

and now, i come home everday, i nap like the dead and well, so far the papers are pretty ok. some stuff to be annoyed about, but now i think i'm just depending on hope and some confidence that i still can do well for it.

right now i'm behind time for my studying. again. i must note NEVER EVER to study after nationals because the time is WAY TOO SHORT. i would not absorb as well as i can!
but the good news is, despite all these ALMOST last min studying, i find the papers doable. despite some careless mistakes and time constraints in some of them, i find myself coping quite well actually. but i shant say anything more yet since i still have more papers to come.

these days, i realise that my only form of exercise is through physio. =.= and well like KK said i also went to the gym to cycle (once a week only. >.<") but i think this sat i CAN swim! :D cycling is no fun in the gym man. its so boring, watching time go by, and yet i want to know my speed. i am very slow at cycling. I NEED TO RUN!!!!!!!! anw, as i said that i might be slightly behind time, and maybe stressing myself up, i decided to come online to show that, I'M NOT EXPLODING! BWAHAHAHHAHAHA. ok lah, i also came online hoping to ask ppl for help since my dad (the walking longwinded "encyclopedia") isnt at home.

but recently i feel that it is not good to study at home. one person will talk-non-stop like the world is gonna end so she must make use of her time on earth to talk, the other will explain non-stop once you ask a qsn.
the latter is indeed very helpful but i have limited time to study.. i cannot afford to lose 1hour just to hear an explanation towards certain things.

after chinese O's i must re-study by myself, and at the same time, enjoy my june holidays running! :D

here's something odd, and yet something not surprising. ytd i took bus to physio (bukit timah to victoria street) and then i took bus from physio to home for the first time. but then, i slept in the bus, i woke up finding myself outside alexandra hospital, and so i was wondering to myself, have i missed my stop? or is it still got 2 more stops to home?
seeing where the bus was heading, i realised, I MISSED MY STOP HOME! so i pressed the bell.
from the hospital, the bus travelled pretty long going straight for quite a while, and then it turned right, outside some condo. i got off and realised, THERE WAS NO BUS STOP OPPOSITE TO TAKE HOME! so i walked to the next bus stop (outside NUS) which thankfully wasnt very far and crossed the bridge to wait for the bus home.
because i missed my stop, i wasted 20min. -.- i think this is my 3rd or 4th time since last year missing my stop home. -.- (conclusion: dont try my luck to fall asleep on the bus when i have no friend to wake me up.) and you know, NUS is near FFMS which is near dover. so is like i travel from west (school) to the central east (physio) to NUS and then go home.
it was quite funny thinking about it, and yet. its really annoying when it happens. (i had to study for chem prac ok! >=( )

ok, enough ranting. maybe i'll go to the gym tmr at jie's place again tmr or something. i dunno. but i feel bad i havent been doing my chinese tuition hwk. i stopped piano and doing tuition work just trying to study. and well, i havent been having sufficient sleep either but i find myself more awake during exams. how ironic. ok, i think i've de-stressed enough. goodbye.

`9:00 PM__;

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

i have found myself to be one of the most awesome-st bitch you could ever find around.

no i dont need your help.
in fact, i need to help myself.

i find myself worrying over paper1 within the last 12 hours before the paper and yet, i found it extremely easy to handle. had enough time to check abit, edit here and there, and i even wrote 3.5pages for chinese compo.

today my dad said something about me.
i was somewhat alarmed, i felt insulted, but.. i realised its really true. i have gotten myself into a huge mess. and yet, if i look at it from another angle, i'm nowhere near being considered "a mess" and then i start to realise indeed, i am trying to run away from the truth.
i am trying to hide everything from the whole world.

and so dear readers, all you'll ever read is on how "troubled" i may seem. and you will have no clue why. HA.HA.HA.

i went for physio today. it was.. .... pretty much nothing to say.
"16 years only, got ankle sprain, back pain lah..." and then he shakes his head.
he thinks i have slight scoliosis.
so be it.
i am tired. i was quite happy that i actually succeeded in sleeping at 1+ ytd despite waking up 12pm.

i chose to cancel my decision to swim today. i have tuition, SS, physics prac to do/study for. and will probably swim... tmr? or when i feel like it. :(
at first i was quite glad. i thought, today the weather loves me. and then i realised, i do not love myself. hence no swimming today.
and well, i'm off tv for the rest of the month. (i'm still interested in world cup!)
indeed, what a boring life i have. but why would i give a damn since i already have something to do everyday?

now, i'm trying to make something new out of myself.
e.g. find more ways to get myself out of this "mess" i'm in, or adapt to this currently horrible life.
in the mean time, i must try to abstain myself from the computer, it is distracting. without it and tv, i would probably have an unscrewed bio clock. besides, people who need to talk to me all have my handphone no, i can afford to make better use of my free smses.

i need brain food. not junk!

i must go nap. or i cant study. >.<" [p.s. please read my prev entry if you havent but would bother to, because it is in one of my dreams, to become a farmer. for i aspire to become: like my dad/sis, math teacher?, physical geologist (and be able to study the aurora borealis ^^), subsistence FARMER.]

**dajie: if you dont see me online from tmr onwards till.. 1-2weeks later, its a good thing! but i still love you. :D the next time i see you online (from tmr onwards) i will talk to you like i just spoke to you yesterday. XD

lets see whether i'll stop coming online. its a good challenge for myself. >.<"

`5:23 PM__;

Monday, May 01, 2006

friday i napped for 2hours. slept at 2.30am,
saturday woke up at 0630, came home at 11-12+, crashed for 4hours (longest nap ever in months), slacked abit. and then had effective studying of agriculture till 1, 2+ i think.
my bio clock is screwed.

today i woke up at 1+pm, and now i'm ready for bed.
goshhhhhhh. i'm gonna restudy/revise geog again next weekend. esp human geog, so far agriculture seems successful in getting into my head. out of the 5 long chpts. at least i'm done with geog for now.
----
that's why i say i must be a farmer, be uneducated, and all i know how to do is live for myself, and depend on mother nature. away from all these high-technology stuff, with NO knowledge of the outside world. make me die of skin cancer, heat stroke whichever, it doesnt seem that important to me now.

besides, did you know terracing can take up many areas of land, SPARSELY populated with people, how often do you see that here?! =.= terraces are extremely pretty. :D maybe, there might even be a whole lot of space to run around. :D and i know i wont become unfit when i work there hahaha.
at least i know it will make me happy working my guts out in the sun, rather than to live in "luxury" having to give EXTREMELY good quality paper work.
at least i know i wont suffer from having to survive in this competitive/fast-changing economy.

and when i become a farmer (poultry, rice, veggies/fruits, whichever etc.), i hope i will NEVER ever have to do with commercial farming.
it'd be as good as what i'm doing today.
okok its super late now, goodnight.

`4:23 AM__;