maple leaves.

Friday, April 28, 2006

gosh. this past week has been. WEOJFJOW JRPJWTR

honestly speaking, once i start sleeping late for a few consecutive days, i realise its not that difficult to stay awake in school.
but i must confess, i was falling asleep during some lessons.. >.<"

seriously, since sunday night i've been sleeping at 1+ or 2+ am and unable to get up before 6, but thankfully, i never missed my bus this week. but i must admit, i've been sleeping on every bus trip to and from school. and yes, if you ask me to sleep now, i'll sleep within a minute. if you ask me to stay awake, i'll probably be able to last till 2+am. and no, i'm not kidding. can you imagine what it'll be like if i was still training! >.<"

going for inter-house tmr. courting death? maybe. its badminton, i hope my ankle wont go X_X. and i'll be umpiring for benchball.
good thing there's at least one holiday in the next 3 weeks :D woohoo! school for 3 days/week only. Hahahaha. more time to sleep + study. :D

i havent swam since sunday. was intending to go on wed but it rained and i decided to stick to doing math and i still slept at 1+am -.-
thursday, had physio, came home too late to go swim.
today, well. it suddenly started pouring about 5min ago. but i'm quite glad piano was postponed today. and so i've decided to update. i think i'll need to nap or something soon.

i've spent the whole week, mostly with math, geog. geog wasnt very sucessful but last night i rescheduled my timetable. :) i hope it wont be too rushy. besides, i'll be ending school early.

anyway. i dont think i've experienced a week as busy as this week's. but good thing i'm FINALLY done with math papers, just need to understand the corrections (which isnt alot i think), and well.. i dont know. i wanna swim today. >=(

hmm, nvm anyway, i shall go zzz for a while and maybe study after that? my studying hasnt been that effective for sec4 geog. and i need to re-draw diagrams for sec3 geog to reassure myself that i know how to do it. but other that that, everything's been quite ok. i think.

i'm quite scared for chem, but i think if i study it more, and study the qsns better, i'll be able to find it as easy as i did last year. xD

oh yes, last thing! PHYSIO. went for my 3rd session ytd.
took bus there for the first time, i was kind of unsure where i was heading to so i went around asking for directions.. realised it was actually further than i thought? but still near. about a 15min walk.
anyway, i did somemore jumping/bouncing and trying to balance on that foot. (its to strengthen it)
i can go water running, cycling, swimming. o.o
ytd i had some problem jumping cos my back was hurting when i jumped. then the physiotherapist was kind of like pressing against my back, it was abit like massaging.
the feeling was awkward.
it was pain in my muscles, and yet i was kind of laughing because it was ticklish too? painful and ticklish. but anyway, my back on the left side is supposedly very tensed up as compared to my right.. =/
dont htink its my school bag since i carry it over both shoulders.. and i've been carrying heavy sch bags since pri 1 anyway.. hmm. i dont think i really do have scoliosis.. i think its just that my left side has more muscle than the other.. haiyah, they should just put me through Xray for this if not i wouldnt be wondering about it for 3 years already. -.-
and today, because of that "massage" and getting rubbed on my back at home ytd, my back is indeed, REAALLLYY SOREEE.

gosh i cant wait to run!

`4:19 PM__;

Friday, April 21, 2006

my right hand hurts for some reason, when i bend my thumb and move it towards the index finger, the nerve somewhere there really hurts quite bad. esp when i press each side against each other. :(

hmm, i think 4 math papers to be done,
2 days behind time for studying i think.
but still can manage. not too panicky yet, so must do extra studying on 2 of these days..

the talk today really contrasted with my studying plan. =.=
but aiyah i'm still using my last year's methods.
staying up at nights. -.-

good thing my tuition tmr morning cancelled, should i wake up early to study? or wake up later and study when i get home (after dance night >.<")?

hmm. wake up at 8 or 7.30 or what.
but i havent been getting enough rest. so.. wake up early? or.. sleep late tmr and wake up late on sunday? hmm, then i'll carry on with this "vicious" cycle of sleeping late every sunday and catching up on sleep in the bus only for the rest of the week. >.<"
i also need to swim on sunday.

aye, got so much hwk to do, 4 math papers (but not due soon i think), chinese zhou ji, chinese exercise on newspaper, chinese tuition, improve on english speech.
i finished physics just now. :D (but got some stuff i dont understand how to do)

tmr other than going out, i'll study another chpt of geog.
prob try to finish chinese and english on sunday, and one math paper i'm halfway doing...

anyway, i realised i've been taking quite a few things for granted.
i know what i'm doing wrong and i give in to myself.
that is bad. so hopefully, starting from tomorrow, the sec 3 me will come back. :D
(you know during chem today i didnt understand quite a few things and Ms Vulgar was like doing it so fast lah! makes me feel stupid and that emath is the only thing im good at. :()

but anyway, i've figured that i shoud shut myself from the comp, or pretty much like what i did last year, came online but never did anything on the comp. (i come online in case of anything i suddenly dont know, cant rmb, i ask ppl for help. and i stay online in case anyone got anything impt to tell me.)

gosh, i've been going ofr physiotherapy. -.- and URGH its been like err 6 weeks? my ankle is still swollen. -.- its been 4 weeks since i fell for the 2nd time.
and its been a long time since i did 12km.
i seem to be missing the joy of long runs real bad.
and i'm really craving to run now, but cannot! must resist temptation to run! AHHH.

tough times dont last, tough people do. does that sound familiar?
well after the tough times has ended, a tough person will be able to overcome almost practically any barrier.
however, when you become a tough person without rest, once you start resting, you just die man.
anyway i must carry on with my swimming.
and so, i must also become a tough person! eventhough i feel like one of the unluckiest crossies in MGX, cannot run, fall down twice like that, fall sick easily? (since the past 6 months?) whatever has happened to my wonderful immune system. it has weakened! but good thing i havent fallen sick since end feb. x)

oh yeah, speaking about cravings (to run), i seem to have a thing for junk food instead of normal meat, rice, protein/carbo/calcium stuff. -.- and it might be what that has been causing me to have a poor memory recently. >.<" so i'd say despite the daily dose of fruits, i should abstain from junk food! (fast food once in a while should be ok, oily no, fried rice maybe ok, char kway tiao byebye, and be moderate with chocolate and icecream. ahaha maybe twice a month? once? 0? hahahahha) ok i'm supposed to be studying but i decided to update because.. i had a sudden urge to. =/ and its friday! so i'm glad i dont have to wake up as early tmr.

`10:57 PM__;

Sunday, April 16, 2006

haha. i think i'm mad.
i just finished studying a chapter of geog - CLIMATIC DISASTERs. talks about tropical storms, (cumulonimbus clouds, torrential rain etc.), floods, droughts (no rain at all)

and it just started raining heavily! HAHAHHA. (must be convectional rain. =X)
i was intending to swim again today cos it rained while swimming ytd. =.=
well something is wrong with me, i realised that while studying, i dont seem to be concentrating as much as i did before, and i dont know if i'm being complacent or what, but i didnt seem to be able to concentrate as much because all that i just read was studied for during tests, mid year's 05, end years 05, and now i'm studying for it again.

i realised how crazy it sounds, but i was reading it over again for the dont know what'th time and well, i didnt esem as focused as i did last time. =/
i seem to know my work, but still not too confident. eeyer. but at the same time, i feel like i'll be able to ans any qsn related to what i studied. =/

anyway, referring to the prev entry, i have cleared my mind! bwahahaha. the only thing now that's stopping me is my ankle.
i'm really dying to run now. X_XXX AAHHHH. i miss that feeling finishing a nice run. (esp a long run! ^^) and the last time i did 12km was like.. one week or 2 before i sprained my ankle. ugh. i really miss long runs badly.
and they were going on about how i should not run. do not run. cannot run. bahbah not run.
i want to run. X_X
so how? cant take nafa test, in a way, quite happy, cos i would have time to train when i retake it in aug. XD besides, my ankle is still swollen ok! :((((
actually right now i'm supposed to be quite happy. so i'll end off with a smile. :)

anyway, i've been updating WAY too often within the past week. so i better stop updating so frequently, somemore now is study period!
hmm. i'll prob go do piano or tuition now.

`5:12 PM__;

Saturday, April 15, 2006

right now, i still feel like those yellow words 4 entries ago.

i have decided. i wont talk to anyone unless its about studying.
please ignore me until i start talking to you. (i.e. anyone i know who reads this)
no i am not lost.
i'm just trying to clear my mind.
find out what i want.
REGAIN FOCUS.

talking makes me forget stuff. so i'll put this up. remind myself.
CLEAR THAT MIND OF MINE.
i always ask myself what is wrong with me? but i know what is wrong with me.
its more like why cant i do what i want to do. why cant i do what i tell myself anymore. -.-
i know somewhere inside of me is that person who can do it. i've lost my motivation.
so while i try to get it back,
i will now go to the toilet and allow my stomach to feel better. byebye.

`1:19 PM__;

Friday, April 14, 2006

if it werent for

[10:45:48 PM] finally: hey wanna take part in track?

i wouldnt be so stuck in this dilemma that i am in right now. but no i'm not blaming the person who asked me about this.

UGHHHH i dont know what i want. i dont even know how much i want it.
i might as well be known as an asshole and just give up in wanting it right.
SHIT LAH and i'm blaming this on the fact i sprained my ankle.
because now, at the rate i'm going i WONT get a PB for 2.4
ouiegjh0wjt-fm,`o[4kt,[43ktp,ke45t @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!this sucks.
IT SUCKS LIKE SHIT.

in the mean time, i shall forget about my running life and do something related to studies.

`5:30 PM__;

woke up at 1+ today.
=//// i'm on a mission to become real disciplined.
i am somewhat rather excited, sacrificing nice tv shows + cartoons once again. =/
ok. ppl like me must learn to relax so i will keep the cartoons going, exclude crazy idol shows except the last episode.

i realised that once we finish mid years we have only 10 days left to chinese O's.
i had quite a good talk with my chinese tuition teacher today.
nono not leisure talk, but planning talk.

i feel alot better. also with the fact that i did postpone tuition if not i would have just died during her lesson.

for some reason i seem to be enjoying fruits today.
must be some side effects of ytd's lunch. hahah.

and my studying starts today. i have planned my study timetable and will try to be ahead of time. XD

`3:52 PM__;

Thursday, April 13, 2006

it wasnt till lastnight, when i got home, i realised, i cant study today. T_T
DEAD TIRED - even asked my mum to send me there - not enough sleep - bahhhhh.
and so i postponed my tuition because of that. (and because i hadnt done her hwk yet >.<")
i realised that as chinese O levels are nearing, i feel more tired during tuition.

initially i didnt want to use tmr for tuition, but "desperate times call for desperate measures", so.. yah.
today i had an unhealthy lunch in kazillion years! long john silvers FRIEnDly food and swensens. ok lah we had a banana split so you can consider the banana healthy. lol.

then i took mrt home, stood the whole time and was falling asleep. it wasnt my first time standing from toa payoh to home but, falling asleep while standing from toa payoh to home was a first. if i'm not wrong it was 40min of standing? not too sure but time flew real fast. and while falling asleep, i almost fell down a few times. malu.. so i thought of a solution! sms ppl. it'll keep me awake! :D but i didnt sms till after the last quarter of the journey? lol. after which i crashed for 3 hours.

I LOST PHOTOS OF THE B DIV FINISHING THEIR RUN YTD AHHHH. 5 IMPT PHOTOS GONE! and its not even in my recycle bin URGHHHH. but the rest of the pics are still there.

ok i have to type out my plan here.
tonight: - tuition hwk, study plan
tmr: - tuition, go run? (i need it for 2.4 i've lost alot of my fitness since my ankle kena), study!
saturday: sch hwk, study!
sunday: study!
and somewhere in one of those days i'll include one more running and time for piano.

`10:10 PM__;

i want to scream.
out of joy? maybe that's forced.
out of unhappiness? thats what a part of me feels.
out of pressure? defintely.

and i have to give a damn about it. because i love cross country. and time is running out.
something must be done.

`12:19 AM__;

Saturday, April 08, 2006

OMG THAT DARNED BITCH!
URGH. SCREW IT LAH DAMNIT. HOW CAN SHE ACCUSE ME JUST LIKE THAT.
AND WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. why do i get so annoyed just so easily by her?!

maybe its cos i'm so sick of her talking like that. and i cant stand living with it.
why am i so weak now, i'm like practically breaking already.
but if i'd wished she'll stop doing that, it'll be as good as cursing her to her grave.
so no. i'll just live with it, maybe she'll bring me to my grave before she goes inside hers.
its better than wishing for her to stop it.

`6:02 PM__;

Friday, April 07, 2006

today i did another 40 laps instead of 60.
i gave in to myself saying, i'm tired lah (and i thought i'd be running tmr but in the end, no.. :()
you see that! that's called ILL-DISCIPLINED!!! oh no whats happening to me
i sound as if i have exploded. (but not YET a serious explosion)

anyway i know its my 2nd entry today but must list down stuff to do over the wknd:
- READ CHINESE BOOK
- math wsht (mon)
- lit wsht (mon)
- SS 3 diff pages on wbk. (alot to write. :() (mon & tues)
- english with joy (sun)
- physics wsht (mon)
- practise piano
- chinese tuition (thurs?)
oh no.. i'm going to die!
nono i can! i am going to have 12 hours of sleep on saturday night. YES!

`10:27 PM__;

i can hear the insides of me screaming so badly. (going AAAAAAAHHHHHHH I WANT TO RUN)

AIYAH if only i wasnt so guai.

now i'm starting to think not to even wake up early tmr or even go out
but if i go out, i'll probably buy myself a new watch. (my friend aka Miss Vulgar spoilt my beloved watch today and now my watch is giving me this blank face :( )

but aiyah. i'm gonna dig out for my old yellow watch since p2, i hope it still works. (its similar to the one i have now. XD it has a stop watch too! but i think its dirtier. -.-")

anyway i did try to dig it out, but currently unsuccessful in finding it, i need that watch to see for myself how long i take to swim! and haiyah i'm so angry.
and it lasted from 01122002 to 07042006 whereas my p2 one lasted from 1998 to 2002!
eh, actually about almost the same, but i think my p2 one lasted a few months longer. gahh.

this is so annoying. anyway, while digging, i found quite a few things.
i found something from TNg, it was a weekly running schedule given to use about 2 years ago i think, monday - TRACK, tuesday - 20min recovery run, wednesday, LONG RUN, thursday - TOTAL REST DAY, friday - SOMETHING RANDOM but of high intensity (terrain interval, fartlek, slopes, LACTATE THRESHOLD), saturday - 20min recovery run, sunday - TOTAL REST DAY.

awwww. and i also found some letters i got from my blur mortal last year (t.t.s.j.) and angel from cross camp, and the few letters from other ppl during cross camp.
reading it is so.. :(((((
i miss long runs with sheryl in mac ritchie..

i also got another letter sometime around then from ltc, awwww. i love those days! and sec 3 obs, i found my certificate of completing the course and the paper where we all drew our memories/stuff from OBS, and in the centre of my paper was the DDD! haha i loveddddd it!

i'm so tired, but i've been tiring myself out even more by swimming. ahh heck lah, dont know what to do with myself. >=( i want to run.

ok, shall continue to find my old watch now, leaving for swimming in a few min time!

`4:16 PM__;

Thursday, April 06, 2006

2 days ago. dajie called home, erjie came home. x)

my 40 laps has improved! haha from 115min - 85min - 69min - 67min - 64min - 58min!
if only my 12km was like that. hahaha.

anyway, now its raining. and i'm supposed to go sleep and then go swim after that.
but aiyah. its so heavy, maybe after i wake up it'll be gone. :D

crossies supposed to be training now.. and some doing warm down jog. o.O
i got chance of being able to run this sat! :D
but not too sure yet, my swelling's A WHOLE LOT better now though.

hannah's back in singapore! :D

`3:58 PM__;

Monday, April 03, 2006

hmm, raining at home now, wonder what the crossies must be doing... =/

anyway, on friday, err. i suddenly cant remember what happened. ok fine nvm.
on saturday! i went for training (kpo around only) then went home and crashed for 3-4 hours.

and oddly enough, there were 2 sec 4 crossies and 2 sec 1 crossies at home. (inclusive of myself)
and then we went to mac ritchie. and went home again and left for expresso!
WHOA i'd say it was GOOOOOOOD.
SUPER GOOOD. i must say i've never enjoyed myself like this before though it was really DEAFENING to hear electrico. songs very nice to enjoy though. ^^
and all i remember from one of the songs is "... USA." and "with the red and white but without the blue!"
ooops. hahha. and the dances were quite cool. and the beatboxer was WHOA. maybe some might say he's not that good, but i've never seen a beat boxer perform so i wouldnt know what's considered "good" besides, he did say he was still learning and slowly improving eventhough he's s'pore no.1. THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH.

anyway, after that, went home and did some hwk and yesterday, i went swimming. my whole back is sun burnt. HAHAHHAHA. i find it really hilarious. :D never got one before and its like one super huge reddish/brown patch in my back in the middle of nowhere (due to the design of the costume) and mainly because i was swimming in breastroke.

maybe next time must do back stroke. :D
then after that i did the rest of my hwk that was due today.

anyway, i have decided not to moan too much. it makes me a complain queen and it irritates me seeing myself complain so much. might as well know my mistake (which i have made AGAIN) and keep it to myself. x)

i miss running. GAHHH. my muscles are gone! (lol) but aiyahhh i really really really miss running. i'm so jealous tiff's ankle healed so soon. >=(
i miss long runs like mad. i dont even feel nervous or !!! that nationals is just next wednesday. AHHH.

i havent started studying. =/mid years are about in a month's time.
i know alot of things :D but i never write it out correctly. -.-
anyway i have decided to be a goooood. girl. the last-year-me is coming back! woohoo! hope is not lost. ^^
and that means i will start on work right after this.

`5:16 PM__;