maple leaves.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

and so i will scream into my ear:

I CAN!!!

i dont want to go for a scan and dajie is leaving tmr night.

T_T

i want to visit her in june. =/ but i feel like i'm courting death by doing so. [because i'll be gone for 10 days! >.<"] and its the world cup period! :D :D :S

`9:14 PM__;

Saturday, February 25, 2006

thickneedle.

a needle that'll make a hole big.
or a needle that's too fat to go into a hole.
hmm. what does that mean? o.o

ytd laoshi gave me 1.5 more marks for chinese! she's so nice. :)
then i stayed back with hoi yan to do hwk. (instead of the intended studying)

i think i had a great run today. i was quite shocked by myself. how i even managed to leave home so early and be the first mgXie to reach there. 7.30. HAHAHA. in a way, its quite a nice feeling.
i was quite shocked with my run today. my first 4km was the same timing as my race. =/ 1min faster than my usual in 12km, i think it signifies something. but i'm not too sure what! =X

hmm. but then ah. after my nice run i tripped and almost fell down. i'm still suffering the effects of that trip. it felt like there was much pressure on my knee during that trip. but he said since it was during warm down it shouldnt affect it much. i was quite convinced. it doesnt really hurt, but till now my knee still feels awkward. =/

today i finally saw erjie after 15 days. lollllll.

2+ to 5+. my dad spent that whole time teaching me chpt 16 - 18.3 of physics. whoa. not a single bit of practice. i was even falling asleep right in front of him! >.<" we had a 10min break in between also. hahhaa. but i guess i kinda have better understanding in physics i suppose. but i have yet to revise wshts.

its late. i keep sleeping late the past few days. i'm not too sure why i keep deciding to do that.
i shall clear off the stuff on my bed and go zzz. it'll be a miracle sleeping for 12+hrs. everytime i try to do that someone always disrupts my sleep in between or if not i wake up 11.5hrs later. =.=

`11:28 PM__;

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

i ought to be thankful.

for these people around me.
i shall be frank right now.
i complain alot. and sometimes i do it in hope that someone would give me an encouraging response.
let me tell you: when you dont tell others what you expect of them, they'll never give what you expect. haha.
anyway, now i'm not really hoping for an encouraging response.

today. i got my reply from someone.
for that reply, for me, for that someone, i'll reach my goal, our goal.

well, let me just say that. i think this CA really kinda sucked. though english was somewhat pleasing but still not an A, everything else really sucked. i ought to be thankful that with careless mistakes i can still get an a1 for math.
but other than that. i could have gotten A for chem and physics. @#$^&*!!!!! and my geog, knew how to do it but there wasnt enough time. -.- and my chinese seriously sucked. that was the lowest i ever got in a test. in fact, i've never even gotten below 65% (for ce yan) @#^&*!!! and this time i got below 60?!!! eck. sometimes i really cant help but feel stupid.

but i guess i ought to be glad i was one of the few who got above 40/70 =/
this is sucky.

i didnt do my chinese tuition hwk until last night! THATS LAST MIN HWK. and my theory too! urgh! i actually kinda forgot! and i even forgot to bring back my chinese textbook for tuition today! @#$%^&*!!! you see how lousy i am now.
i dont want to go back to that pri-sch me who enjoyed doing last min hwk. i'm a potential owl really, but i dont intend to let it affect the next day's morning.
my dad is right. i'm not disciplined enough. thats why he thinks i'm so careless.
and maybe thats where i need to improve in running too. it may be of some effort, but ITS NOT ENOUGH. (whoa i sound greedy. greedy for discipline.)

SO, to help myself, i have found myself free tuition for geog, physics, chem, amath, math - he is also the most longwinded teacher i've ever known - my wonderful dad. :)
actually he can help me in chinese, english. but i'm kinda used to my tuition teacher already lah. she taught me since p2. :D
i have decided. from now, AT LEAST once a week, we'll probably spend some time together doing TYS qsns like mad. he may have been in secondary school decades ago, but his memory has been "immortalised" in him. hahahhaa. i hope i used that word correctly. =X

- oh crap. but i still need help in my other worst subject - combined humanities.
my teacher stays near me, gosh. shouldnt i be thankful about that! and and and and i dont mind going to her to make her mark eng tys work, ss/lit stuff.

ok. spiritually things to do:
- be THANKFUL
- dont forget that someone
- that goal that involves increasing discipline.
- love these wonderful people. even if most may not have been giving me helpful encouragement (no its not an insult), i love their listening ears. hahha.
- make good use of what i've got and achieve what i want.

and on the other to-do list:
- alot of things lah. :/

i'm aiming to go to bed by 9.15 today. but itdepends on my other geog groupmates too i suppose.

`8:00 PM__;

Saturday, February 18, 2006

HA. I HAVE BEEN INSPIRED BY MYSELF.
HAHA.

and so with that, i'll hopefully be likely to create a miracle. :) [you are welcome to wish me luck if you mean it. :D :D i'd be really grateful. ^^]

`9:20 PM__;

here i am. updating again.
and i still feel the same way as i did in my last night's post.

i'm stil in my sleeping clothes. and i have to be at a race in a few hours time.
today is so different. i dont get how mr q expects us to treat it like a normal day.

on a day before today's race.
i go to bed at 11.
i lie in bed.
suddenly someone smses me. and that sms sound HAS NEVER SOUNDED SO LOUD.
-i refused to reply her "what time must we get there"
and i go back to sleep.
8+am. i get woken up by SOMETHING.
9.30 someone calls me to ask what time are we meeting.
i go back to sleep
10+. someone comes in. i couldnt go back to sleep already
i received another sms from someone asking me "what time are we supposed to meet"
and an UNUSUAL sms from my mum wishing me good luck.
as annoying as i may find her sometimes, i thought it was really nice of her to do that because she has NEVER done that. (not that i'm saying my mum has always been unsupportive, but she rarely knows when i have a race or can be bothered, she usually just knows what we're doing and goes on with her social life. and there's nothing wrong with it really. but its just VERY UNUSUAL)

well, so much for 12hours straight of sleeping.
i kept going to the toilet. my stomach feels weird. i rarely wake up and eat lunch at 10+am.
hydrating myself abit now.

and i'm supposed to think about tiff "slogging off in chem tuition."

i cant live normally on a race day. so many people asking me the same qsn. and those who smsed me, I COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO REPLY THEM immediately.
but i've decided, i'll reply them later in a few min time.

he asks us to do something like just eat/sleep live normally. but everyday is somewhat different so i guess its better to have a different lifestyle everyday than to stick to some routine cos once you dont follow it, you screw up somewhere whereas if you have a different lifestyle everyday, you find yourself more flexible, more subjective to different lifestyles. i think that is me. or maybe WAS me. i find myself getting weaker nowadays.

so far, with the many distractions last night and this morning, i find that SOMETIMES, when things dont go according to plan, something else BETTER/WORSE than expected happens.
i shall tell myself that today went according to plan so that i'll be able to feel more confident/normal later.

recently, i felt like i wasnt sure about how many sisters i have. it just feels weird. when i no longer see my sisters everyday and yet they are still sleeping in their "homes" and in the same country as i am. i'm just, still not too used to it.

anyway, i find that i'm really talking alot now here. and i'm in no mood to do my ALOT-OF-WORK which i've decided to do later. (no i'm not procastinating this time.) today is just awfully weird.

i shall go and reply those smses that have angered me.
i'm just easily angered nowadays. they want to run but they have no idea what time to get there.
and he did say what time we are meeting right at their faces.
some, when they dont realise they didnt pay attention, they go "haha".
its not funny at all.
but i cant blame them if they didnt hear it clearly right. i SHOULDNT be angry.
but they're so last min. ugh. and this is how they show their dependency on others.
i feel just too nice replying them. i even had the thought of just ignoring the smses and tell them later OH I DIDNT SEE IT. with a fake SORRY.

but i hate fakes. so i shall reply them nicely with a very neutral tone: 1.30
there's not even a tone to it! HAHA. ok i shall reply them and go find some inspiration. bye.

`11:50 AM__;

Friday, February 17, 2006

oh screw me.

sometimes i feel that your reason for doing it is not right.
just like how you feel that my reason for doing certain things arent right.

somebody strangle me.
somebody whack me.
why cant i just torture myself.

i feel stupid.
i'm such a hypocrite.
i blog to complain about myself and complain and complain non-stop.
i hate projects.

today after school i went for dental at 2.45 which didnt end till 3.10? and rushed home for tuition at 3.30. good thing my bus didnt take long to come BUT I SLEPT IN THE BUS AND OVERSHOT 2 OR 3 STOPS and then i crossed the bridge and took bus home.
got home at 3.40. my teacher was already there. -.-"
and then i had piano. and then blah. and so i shall sleep for 12+hours tonight and have a good run and hit my target tomorrow.

`9:18 PM__;

Thursday, February 16, 2006

i dunno why. its like i knew this problem already but today i feel like emphasising on it. it just dawned on me on how some crossies have their oh-so-many different problems. even if they're good, bad, blah. related to running, studies, and blah again. and here's my problem: my discipline level's gone down. I NEED TO INCREASE IT. so that i can achieve things i want to get!

so anyway, i found an email in my junk mail =X from one of the sec 1 crossies. and well. i dunno why but i do feel like pasting it to share it with you readers out there. haha. its one of those chain emails that threatens you if you dont send it you get blahblah bad luck. (which i dont believe in.)

ok so here goes:

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:I love you, Sorry and help me. (actually for me, no. but sometimes i hear that my ___s' husbands are like that about the sorry and help me part. HAHA.)

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
(actually not necessarily. i wear certain clothes because i realised i'm deprived of other coloured clothes and because i like to wear something not everyone wears. or because i feel that i-have-no-choice but to wear that whether i like it or not. =X)

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face?
But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself, if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold.

and so the email goes on with the rubbish about luck THE FRIENDSHIP BRACELET. which i think is highly irrelevant with what i'm trying to convey over. but the rest of it is nice. dont you think? :)
maybe some wont agree that their help will be returned in two-fold? but it is returned sometimes in such that they cant really see it. =/

and now i shall finish up SS and pack my bag and go to bed. ooh goody. i'm going to bed earlier than expected! :D

`9:19 PM__;

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

i got this source from cao yu's.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Tricia!

1. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find tricia. (whoa, i'm honoured.)
2. Tricia is actually a fruit, not a vegetable. (HAHAHA. i prefer fruits to veg)
3. All shrimp are born as tricia, but gradually mature into females. (LOL. its like saying i wasnt a female in the early part of my life. -.-")
4. South Australia was the first place to allow tricia to stand for parliament! (o.O)
5. Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on tricia. (i love bananas. :D)
6. Lightning strikes tricia over seven times every hour! (WHOA! i'm full of electric energy!)
7. Tricia is only six percent water! (i can go on without water for a long time AND without a sore throat. hmm.)
8. Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by tricia! -.-
9. Tricia is actually a mammal, not a fish. (hmm i guess that's really true and i'm a super slow swimmer. i cant survive as a fish!)
10. Half a cup of tricia contains only seventeen calories. (i.e. 1 cup of tricia contains only 34 calories.)

LOL so hilarious. hahahahhahaha.

total defence today was.......

PE TMR! GOOD TIME TO DISTRESS. no geog lesson! even more time to distress! and sleep.

then again i'm not that stressed such that i need to be distressed.

aiya i just need more sleep. i cant stay awake in the day for nuts.

i was falling asleep while reading my compre during chinese test today! =/

almost copied my ans wrongly. =X

dajie is leaving for germany on 27th 23:59:59! lol. just when i'm starting to see more of her.. and shes leaving soon. :(

today was Vday. and i guess i have no reason not to feel guilty for receiving those gifts. they were really nice and sweet and "sweet". haha.

i feel like when i'm privileged to do/have something. i feel that i dont deserve it.

what is wrong with me. why cant i just appreciate it (count my blessings) and FULL STOP.

`10:00 PM__;

Saturday, February 11, 2006

i suddenly have this determination to do super well for O's this year. :)

XD

ok but i must start working hard. and i'm not too sure how. i want a mentor. someone who would check my physics, chem, both maths, english, geog, combine humans.
practically my every subject lah except chinese. hahaha. the HCL ppl in my class did pretty well for chinese!

i got a mostquito bite on my leg. T_T
ok correction: 2 mosquito bites.

i want to do very well this year. i shall FINISH EVERY PAPER, and avoid making careless mistakes. OOH SOMEONE GIVE ME PRACTICE NOW!

okokookok then again, 1st priority now: PIANO. my exam's in exactly one month's time on this day! AAAAAAAAH.

i got tuition in about 30min time i think. i want to sleep. i must catch up with my sleep this weekend. i was practically dying during math ytd until my handwriting was almost illegible. :S anyone who looks at it can tell that the person who wrote it was falling asleep. completely messy and not-in-a-straight-line type.

ok i shall finish with training log and say BYE.

`12:48 PM__;

Thursday, February 09, 2006

you dont need to know anything.

theres no need for you to kpo.

you'll find out in time to come anyway.

YOU BIG KAY-POHHHHHH. ~~(just like me =X)~~

and these tears mean nothing. would you believe me?

`9:41 PM__;

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

yesterday's training sucked. :( i feel so unfit.
2nd time of the short sprint in that "relaxed 20min" and WHAM. i was dizzy.

i was hoping for like an 8km run in the northern route.. but he said 20min run.
how pathetic. :(
and well, feeling so upset with myself. i cried the hwole 20min.
cross has made me SO emotional. zzzzz. i'd complain a thousand times. but i never said i'd give up. :)

so feeling so URGHED at my run yesterday, i went to do a 40min run today on the treadmill (sp?) i was hoping to go the whole 40min at 12km/h.. however, it was unsuccessful. i only stuck to that pace for the first 15min and the last 5min (when i also tried to exceed 13km/h) sucky right. :( i only covered about 7.25 or 7.16km in that 40min i think. :( thats like 800m short. =/ PATHETIC! >.<"

i guess i cant expect much from myself since its only my 2nd day back. but AIYAAAAA ITS NOT NICE LAHHHH. and this time when i came back.. i felt less of the "drive" i usually had to run. :( well, i still want to run, so ITS TIME TO FORCE MYSELF and then i'll get used to it and the feeling will come back again. (it works like that for me XD)

i got my a math test today.
i feel like strangling myself. X_X i miss my A by 1/2 mark. and even so. its still under catergory "LOUSY" for me. woijroiewjmtbp4umy4 @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!! my dad is right. he believes all my sisters and i can do better than we actually perform. why is it when i do a paper i'm just not focused enough? or that i cant seem to perform my best naturally?

oh yes i forgot to mention. last saturday i went to watch i not stupid 2 with MICHELLE LAI. she's my ex-rgps classmate in p3. super tall woman lah X_X she goes to same church as dajie! we planned to meet at 1215 and we were both LATE, i ended up coming at 1245! and she, even later! LOL. ended up buying tickets for the next movie 40min later than we the one we had planned on (which was full) so we walked abit, talked abit and then went for the show.

i cried so much. =.= blah oh you know i was at 2 of the movie scenes! XD there's one part where the old lady went with the police, the part before that when they were still surrounded by the crowd, i went to bring erjie to tuition that day! and the hospital scene, was at my wisdom tooth place! i rmb seeing them. (but i think ah, they used more than one hospital for the movie)

okay. hwk time. i must sleep early tonight. tired.

`7:15 PM__;

Sunday, February 05, 2006

woohoo. i can train tmr! BWAHAHAHHA. ok lah i'm still sick. TT_TT
I WILL GAIN BACK ORIGINAL FITNESS within the next 10 days i hope. =/

i never missed 2 trainings in so long before.. :( did i fall sick cos of the person next to me? or is it just a annual thing. i fell sick DURING last chinese new year (i didnt take the goodies ok.) and the year before and the year before that. lol. and if i recall correctly it was all at the start of feb.

i rmb in sec 1 cny almost everyone who ate crabs had shit problems whereas i was fine and i kept wanting to have something to happen to me - in the end i fell sick the week after. -.-"

today i woke up at 1130 and then a while later my dad spent a long while talking to me on geography. its like WHOA. taking ages to digest. told me about atlantis mystery, mammoths probably getting reborn (using elephant as surrogate mum), earth, my family history about "yin chuan shi" and how during some dynasty some king died in war and his general (an ancestor) died and 1 of his 2 sons who fled changed his surname to "zhong li" to "zhong" and so on and so on and so on.. WHOAWHOAWHOA. and he took out the humungous atlas to point this and that there and where and ...... i think he took at least 1hr to tell me about it didnt have my first meal till 2.30pm (lunch)

i think i have a bit of short attention span -.-" then is like i'm sitting infront of him then suddenly is like i can hear him talking but its like not going into my head so i end up asking him to repeat. -.-" but it was interesting. :) then later a guest came and he told her more interesting stories about the weird stuff that happens to him. (i hope i dont get sued or @#$%^&*!! at for saying this) he also told her about his "enounters" with God with relation to some of his family members and friends though he's not a christian. and its like WHOAWHOA so many interesting stories in one day. XD

but then i think about the time
before we broke up the prom
and you told everyone i was gay.
okay.
LFO - Every Other Time (thought this part was funny. haha.)

okay. i think 2 days of serious holiday, no school, no cca, no hwk. is enough for a break.
(i had that from friday to saturday) but in sec 4, its highly unlikely to have weekends without hwk right. -.- (and i think even after cca stops i wanna join mgX in longruns. XD)

this "sick" holiday is converting my muscle to fatss (stomach + legs i think =X) which could be why i'm lighter now. but then again i was never that muscular to start of with HAHA. maybe its not the only reason. or maybe its like first its the "secretion" of the goodies followed by the "excretion" of the bad in the goodies.
bad goodies. -.-

KK STUDY LIT NOW.

`8:45 PM__;

Friday, February 03, 2006

:( woke up at 1+, 2+ and 4+ am thinking it was 6. (but unlike ytd i was not blur enough to brush teeth then.) then at 6 i asked my mum to send me to sch (cos i was afraid i wldnt survive the trip there by bus =X) but i changed my mind cos i had a headache+dizzy. so i didnt go to school.

slept somemore and woke up at 10+, at 1125 (recess time) i felt better, so i asked my mum to send me to sch. then i changed my mind said nvm lah. and then i changed it again. now she doesnt want to send me to sch. -.- (felt abit too weak to go on my own =X)

I'M SO BORED AT HOME. ARGHHH. i dont like being sick. it makes me feel guilty and super weak. -.- then on monday i have to do that ting xie and chem open book test. bahhh. i dont even know what my lit test on mon is gonna be about. >.<" and i'm missing 2 periods of maths. which i hope i dont get lost when i come back to sch. :(

my head hurts whenever i cough. =/ i want to go for training tmr. =/

`12:40 PM__;

Thursday, February 02, 2006

-.- i woke up to brush teeth and when i came out of the toilet. i realised it was 1+am.

:S
i slept at 10+ lah! disrupted my quality of sleep. -.-

i was dying in assembly, and first 2 periods in sch. half felt like fainting and vomitting. but the trip to school was fine.. =/
then after that my nose couldnt stop running.
esp in physics. today i finished at least 6 pacdkets of tissue paper. >.<"

felt so sick that i decided not to go training today. :( super horrid feeling.
i felt too weak to go home on my own.
and it was like a nightmare waiting for my mum to pick me up.
serious nightmare. that pri sch memory of waiting for my mum came back. bleh. and i ran out of tissue X_X and my nose was so bad that i was crying..
but i wasnt too sure if that was the only reason why i was tearing.
i think all that water i drank came out through my nose. =X

doctor says have to put me under ultrasound scan if it doesnt come next month. =/
he says that i'm over-training.. =/
i guess mr q's workouts are more strenuous than last time but i'm not doing any selfruns! :(

i'm very sad. :( my sore throat preventive measure didnt work.
despite the number of times i went to the toilet, the doctor said i had a very bad sore throat. it was swollen and red! >.<"

but on a lighter note, today's the first time EVERYONE IN MY FAMILy is at home in a LONG TIME. (cny party not counted)
i think its quite cool. though there's nothign great about it. lol.

anw, this is something i did a few days ago. felt like pasting it for fun though i dont think it makes that much sense.. =X

your IQ score is
133

Complex Intellectual
People who are Complex Intellectuals are highly intelligent and have extraordinarily strong verbal and math skills. Compared to others they are highly conceptual and complex thinkers and are able to understand information in an abstract form. They also show great attention to detail. In fact, it's hard to find something they're not good at.

hurhur. -.-

i'm supposed to nap and shower.. but dunno why i cant bring myself to..
shall go do hwk now.

`4:48 PM__;

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

hello.

i had a black out at home today.
or to be more specific: short circuit.

i realised how much my life depended on technology cos THERE WAS NOTHING TO DO. no tv. no comp. no lights. blahblah.

well the dogs were still around and i dont like reading. =X

aiya i also lazy to do whatever other work cos i finished my hwk and kinda studied for amath already..

anw today's pe was SUPER HILARIOUS. i dunno why but i kept laughing over it. everybody else didnt seem as amused. =/
caoyu&cass were like imitating tiff and i and then they were winning cos we couldnt stop laughing at them.
THEY WERE SO FUNNY the way they hit and imitated us. hahahHAHHAH. and i dunno why ui'm quite high over it. C&C vs T&T. LOL.

ookok. today i overslept and woke upat 0715. blah i reached sch at 0730 XD and i got booked -.-
so i will sleep early tonight. byebye.

`9:48 PM__;